Joe Orton: I always wanted to be an orphan. I could have, if it wasn't for my parents. Kenneth Halliwell: The whole point about irrational behavior is that it IS irrational! Kenneth Halliwell: Can you spell? Joe Orton: Yes, but not accurately. Leonie Orton: [Mingling Joe's and Ken's ashes] I think I'm putting in more of Joe than I am of Kenneth. Peggy Ramsay: It's a gesture dear, not a recipe. Kenneth Halliwell: Do you want the sardines with the rice pudding or separate? Joe Orton: With. Kenneth Halliwell: I can't remember when you last touched my cock. Well, I can actually. It was about two years ago. Only I can't remember the actual date. Pity. I could have put it in my diary. "The last time Joe touched my cock. Grouse shooting begins" Kenneth Halliwell: Unzip our trusty Remington, John. We shall piss on this person from a great height. [Halliwell puts his hand on Orton's leg. Orton brushes it off] Joe Orton: No. Have a wank. Kenneth Halliwell: Have a wank? Have a wank? I can't just have a wank. I need three days' notice to have a wank. You can just stand there and do it. Me, it's like organizing D-Day. Forces have to be assembled, magazines bought, the past dredged for some suitably unsavoury episode, the dog-eared thought of which can still produce a faint flicker of desire! Have a wank, it'd be easier to raise the Titanic. Kenneth Halliwell: I just want to go to the awards! I could! Look, "Joe Orton and guest." I'd behave. I wouldn't say a word, I promise. Joe Orton: No. Kenneth Halliwell: Why? Joe Orton: Because it's for me. I wrote it. Kenneth Halliwell: I gave you the title. Joe Orton: Okay, so when they have awards for titles, you can go to that. Peggy Ramsay: Prison gives a writer credentials. John Lahr: Everyone else, it takes them away. Kenneth Halliwell: Cheap clothes suit you. It's because you're from the gutter. Kenneth Halliwell: At least you can say you've sat in the same chair as T.S. Eliot. Joe Orton: Yes, I'm never going to wipe my bum again.
: Do you notice I'm limping? Spilled a hot drink down my dress. My vagina came up like a football. Joe Orton: Some of these people are, well, having sexual intercourse. Kenneth Halliwell: Fucking, you mean? Well, what do you expect? Many of them are from Australia. Kenneth Halliwell: Writing, John, is one tenth inspiration, nine tenths... Joe Orton: Masturbation! Peggy Ramsay: Ken was the first wife. He did all the work and the waiting and then... John Lahr: Well, first wives don't usually beat their husbands' heads in. Peggy Ramsay: No. Though why I can't think. John Lahr: So what does that make you? The second wife? Peggy Ramsay: Better than that, dear. The widow. Joe Orton: [Ken and Joe are cruising a strange man] He's built like a brick shithouse! Kenneth Halliwell: He's probably a policeman. Joe Orton: I know, isn't it wonderful?