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"Filthy Rich & Catflap"
(1987)
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[about an enormous pile of meat they stole]
Richard Rich:
Good lord Eddie, how'd you get all that meat down your trousers!
Edward Catflap:
That's what all the girls say.
Richard Rich:
Smut is the last recourse of the emotional cripple, Eddie. For it is a psychological truism that they talk about that which they cannot do.
Edward Catflap:
Oh, is that why you're always talking about acting, plop-pants?
[During a brainstorming session to come up with a new idea for an advert]
Edward Catflap:
I've always thought that Corn Flakes look a bit like people.
Richard Rich:
We've got two problems. No food, and the Nolan Sisters. What should we do?
Edward Catflap:
Eat the Nolans!
Edward Catflap:
Richie, if you don't stop talking, I am going to cut off your head, put it in the microwave until it goes pink, mash it up with a bit of milk and butter, and ram it up your backside!
Richard Rich:
[Eddie is sleeping in Richie's bed] What's the matter with your bed?
Edward Catflap:
It's covered in lager.
Richard Rich:
You mean, you threw up on it.
Edward Catflap:
There was a certain amount of unpleasantness, yeah. I don't see what you're so upset about, I've been very considerate. I could've easily thrown up on your bed and slept in my own.
Richard Rich:
And what is wrong with the lavatory?
Edward Catflap:
Richie. You know I hate sleeping in the lavatory, you can never get comfy.
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