Danny and Ray are two street wise cops in Chicago. When they are almost killed on a case, they are forced to take a vacation by their captai...更多>
[Chasing Snake up several flights of stairs] Ray Hughes: How come these losers never live on the ground floor? Danny Costanzo: Let's bust 'em. Ray Hughes: For what? Danny Costanzo: In this neighborhood, a Mercedes is probable cause. Danny Costanzo: I'm gonna call for backup. Ray Hughes: Backup? Danny Costanzo: Everyone else does! Danny Costanzo: Look, Snake. From here, the angle of trajectory - Oh, great. Look who I'm talking to. Mr. S.A.T.'s. Danny Costanzo: Thanks to us, there's twelve guys with machine guns in there. Ray Hughes: You're right. We better both go. Ray Hughes: Pointing a gun at a police officer. Can we waste them for that? Danny Costanzo: I think so. Ray Hughes: It's not the volts. It's the amps. [on car phone, in strange voice] Danny Costanzo: Detective Sigliano? Hi, my name is Pinky, and I used to inform for Hughes and Costanzo but they don' pay me no mo'... Oh, no! You see, I'm watching the new "Jeopardy!" and a man just lost a Bible question because he did not know what Deuteronomy wa-as... Anyway, I want you guys to get Gonzalez and show up Hughes and Costanzo 'cause they don' pay me no mo', 'n I'm ma-ad! [as a trash compactor is about to crush their car, with Danny and Ray inside] Danny Costanzo: Oh, sure. Nag at me! Nagging's good! You still owe me ten bucks and I never said anything! Ray Hughes: You want it now? Danny Costanzo: YEAH, I WANT IT NOW! Danny Costanzo: Excuse me, we're from Noisebusters. Do you know where the Menudo concert is? Danny Costanzo: Why weren't we on that track? Ray Hughes: Oh, now you're going to criticize my driving? Danny Costanzo: Well, it's just that you get to do all the dangerous stuff, and I get to parallel park. [Trying to pass himself off as Italian] Ray Hughes: Hey, whaddya expect? I'm a paisan'! What do you want me to do, cook you up a pot of Ragù? You want me to sweat garlic for you? Huh? Sing an opera? Lose a war?
: How come the bad guys always have the good cars? [Having learned his ex-wife will marry a dentist] Danny Costanzo: Do they play the same music at home that they play in the office? [Having learned his ex-wife will marry a dentist] Danny Costanzo: They're gonna have a lot of clown paintings on their walls. Ray Hughes: We lost the suspect, our keys, our car, OUR PANTS! Ray Hughes: Listen, Snake, here's the situation: I have this gun here. Now I am going to take the gun out and I am going to shoot a lot of holes in the door. If you are standing if front of the door, what can I tell ya? Some of the holes are gonna be in you. Ya catching my drift, Snake? [Bullets bounce off the windows of the custom car] Danny Costanzo: Hey, this bulletproof glass really works! Ray Hughes: Thank you Ace! [Costanzo tries to roll down the window to shoot at the bad guys] Danny Costanzo: I can't roll the window down! Ray Hughes: You asshole Ace! Captain Logan: You are the detectives. Go and detect. Danny Costanzo: One of these days we both have to find women at the same time. Ray Hughes: ["clinking" a donut] Dink. Anna: You can't be a kid your whole life, you're gonna have to grow up! Danny Costanzo: Why? I don't like grown ups. Danny Costanzo: If you hurt that lady, you'll never be dead enough. [Ray sees Danny and Anna kissing] Ray Hughes: What about that dentist? Anna: Who? Ray Hughes: Right. Ray Hughes: Danny is working on his next ex-wife. Lab Technician at Airport: This is real shit. This coke is pure shit. Ray Hughes: It's good shit, right? Lab Technician at Airport: I mean bad shit. Ray Hughes: Bad shit like, "this shit is bad?" Lab Technician at Airport: It's shit shit. This shit isn't worth shit. There's barely enough coke in here to attract the dogs. Anybody caught on the street with this would get killed. Danny Costanzo: Hablo Smith and Wesson. You have the right to remain DEAD. Anything you do will be used against you. You have the right to a coroner. If you cannot afford one, we will appoint a medical examiner for you. Danny Costanzo: Garcia, I said one backup - one backup - you bring the Rose Parade! Ray Hughes<
/b>: You need a drink. Danny Costanzo: No, I need lots of drinks. Snake: [having taken over the police radio] Calling all cars! Calling all cars! A UFO has just landed on Michigan Avenue. [gets punched by Danny] Danny Costanzo: [on learning victim was drowned then thrown from building] Poor guy... couldn't swim or fly.