Larry Hubbard: You're making a big mistake! This man is not for you! [bride and groom turn around and Larry realizes its not Iris and Jack] Allison the Bride: He's right! [throws down flowers] Groom: Allison! Larry Hubbard: [to man] Isn't this First Prespeterian? Guest in Church: No, Thrid Methodist. Larry Hubbard: Grrrr! Warren Evans: First time lonely guy? Larry Hubbard: What's a lonely guy? Narrator: ...and Larry Hubbard. Larry Hubbard: That's me, fifth one back. I can't take it over now. Narrator: Oh, all right. Greeting Card Supervisor: [reading Larry's greeting card] Will you be my valentine? Think about it a bit. If yes then good, if not, who gives a shit? Bridge Jumper #2: Excuse me, are you using this railing? Warren Evans: No, go ahead. Bridge Jumper #2: Thanks. [gets on railing and jumps off bridge] Bridge Jumper #2: Ahhhhhhhhh! Jack Fenwick: [on answering machine] Hey Larry, you're fantastic! Carson wants you on the west side and Letterman wants you on the east side and Playboy called. They want you to pose with the bunny of the month! Boy what a looker she is! Larry Hubbard: Woo! Woo! Woo! Iris: Don't worry. Lonely guys don't stay lonely forever. Larry Hubbard: [narrorating] If you like to play fetch don't get a fast dog. All they want to do is show off and they don't care about your stick. If they don't comeback by sundown your out three-hundred dollars. Iris: I'm crazy about you Larry. Larry Hubbard: I'm crazy about you too Iris. Larry Hubbard: Want to go out some time? Rental Agent: I'm a man. Subway Gang Member: Man you are one bad backwards writer. Larry Hubbard: Thanks. [tosses can back] Jimmy Carter Look Alike: Could you just sign it, "To Jimmy"? Larry Hubbard: Sure
. Warren Evans: That was your dog's poop. I saw him do it. Larry Hubbard: Oh Warren! Warren Evans: I remember after I saw Rocky, I ran out in the park jogging, shaddow boxing. Some guy came up to me and punched me right in the face. Lonely Cop: Listen, I really don't have to use the can I just want to ask you, where do you get these things? [the cardboard people] Lonely Cop: They're fantastic? Larry Hubbard: You mean you're a... Lonely Cop: Yeah, a lonely cop. Larry Hubbard: A lonely cop? Aww. You get them at The Lonely Guy's store at 81st and Lex. Lonely Cop: Do they have Gene Hackman? Larry Hubbard: Uh, [to Warren whos in the kitchen] Larry Hubbard: Hey Warren! Does The Lonely Guy's store have Gene Hackman? Warren Evans: Yeah but you have to order him one week before shipping!