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Mac Robinson:
Bull has got himself a girlfriend.
Dan Fielding:
Really? Animal, mineral or vegetable?
[repeated line]
Buddy Ryan:
...but I'm feeling MUCH better now!
Christine Sullivan:
Oh I got married in a pancake house! What could be more idiotic?
Dan Fielding:
A chicken and waffle joint comes to mind.
[after Christine makes a joke]
Harry Stone:
She is to comedy what Roy Rogers is... to comedy.
Harry T. Stone:
Fifty dollars plus time served.
Dan Fielding:
[to Harry] If you weren't born, Walt Disney would have to draw you.
Harry Stone:
[to a defendant] Well, I'm gonna find the defendant guilty of assault and battery, and Mr. Gunther, I am gonna give you two days in the slammer. Because you've got to learn, that this is not funny, no matter what you think of the man's musical talent!
[we see the victim who has a harmonica stuffed in his mouth]
Dan Fielding:
Be grateful it was your mouth.
[Mac walks in on Bull who is leaning over the rear end of a horse]
Bull Shannon:
Hi, Mac; it's not what you think!
Mac Robinson:
God, I hope not!
[on trial are a group of beauty contestants who attacked their sneaky pageant coordinator]
Dan Fielding:
Your Honor, according to witnesses, Miss Congeniality led the attack with a kick to the groin.
Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone:
If I had a dime for every woman...
Assistant District Attorney Daniel Reinhold Fielding:
You could make a phone call.
Lorna Huebner:
Your Honor, my father's dying words were, "No matter what, don't make me go with Arlene."
Arlene Huebner:
Why, you lying...!
Harry Stone:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Dying words? Is Dad dead?
Dan Fielding:
As a kipper on a cracker!
[shocked looks]
Dan Fielding:
I'm sorry to say.
Harry Stone:
Well, the way you were just talking about him, I kind of got the impression that he was, you know, here.
Bull Shannon:
He is, Your Honor.
[Bull holds up a small urn and places it on Harry's desk]
Bull Shannon:
This is Mr. Hubner.
Harry Stone:
Gee, he's a lot shorter than I pictured.
Bull Shannon:
[approaches the cafeteria table where everyone is sitting. He is wearing boxers and a t-shirt] Hi, guys.
Harry Stone:
Bull?
Bull Shannon:
Oh, don't worry, Your Honor. I'm just having one of those dreams where you show up to work in your underwear.
Harry Stone:
Bull, this isn't a dream.
Bull Shannon:
It's not?
[everyone shakes there heads]
Bull Shannon:
Yikes!
[Bull runs out]
Yakov Korolenko:
Go, Yankees! Lou Piniella!
[during a Christmas episode, Harry happens to look outside of his chambers, and sees a reindeer in the hallway]
Harry Stone:
[running back into chambers] Everyone, come quick, you have to see this!
[everyone runs out into the hallway. Selma is standing where the reindeer was]
Bull Shannon:
It's Selma!
Harry Stone:
Selma, did you see that?
Selma Hacker:
I saw it, all right.
[she begins to walk away. Everyone runs to where she was standing]
Selma Hacker:
If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.
Dan Fielding:
You know, one of my college roommates actually contracted rabies. He died soon after. Got run over while chasing a car.
[chuckles]
Dan Fielding:
Just kidding. He died of rabies.
Dan Fielding:
I know every nook and cranny a body could fit into in this place.
Phil Sanders:
That's the kind of failure I can only dream about.
Dan Fielding:
I have stood next to death, and people liked him better.
[after an electrician uses ashes from an urn in a coffee maker to test the circuit]
Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone:
That wasn't herb tea... that was Herb!
Phil Sanders:
[suggesting a slogan for Dan's mayoral campaign] The Big Apple needs a worm like Fielding!
Harry Stone:
[watching a videotape of a couple having public sex in Central Park] They're breaking the law, alright.
Mac Robinson:
Of gravity.
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