Reverend Flavel: [after the Klan has crashed Rev. Flavel's revival, bald, naked and circumcised] Behold the Spawn of Satan! The Bowels of Perdition. Hear what I say! I speak Salvation! I speak Redemption! Mickey: [instructing Tommy Turner to turn on the tape recorder] Now. Reverend Flavel: CLEARLY I say this to thee... Commissioner Hurley: Holy Shit! Look at the dick on that son of a bitch! Commissioner Couch: Hey, Mayor! That guy's dork's even bigger that yours! Commissioner Hurley: If you had a dick like that, you could give your secretary a flying@#$%. Mayor Abernathy: Look at that snatch! Woman at Rally: Oh My God! [faints] Little Girl: Oh, Mother. Commissioner Couch: Hey, Mayor. Does Reverend Flavel approve of THIS? Reverend Flavel: [to Mayor] You Scum! Mayor Abernathy: Approve? Are you kidding? Reverend Flavel GAVE me this one! [audience starts booing loudly] Reverend Flavel: Blaspehmy! Shakespeare must go! So sayeth the Shepherd! The Flock Members: SO SAYETH THE FLOCK! Reverend Flavel: And what sayeth you, Mr. Carter? Carter: [very angry at this point] Get the Flock out of here! [the students all start cheering] Reverend Flavel: This means war! HOLY WAR! Flock! FOLLOW! Wendy: Hey waiter! Put shit-face's drink here on Commissioner Gebhart's bill! For piss-sake he's up for re-election next week, you think he needs this shit? Pee Wee: [to Commissioned Gebhart before taking his picture] Say "I'm Ruined!" Graveyard Gloria: I'm so hot! I want all of you guys. But especially you! [indicating Pee Wee] [drunken and dressed as a zombie] Steve: Brian, really, who do I look like? Brian: [agitated] For the third time... Boris Karloff as "The Mummy". Billy: What's this? Tommy: Blueprints. Billy: I know they're blueprints. What are they of. Tommy: Take a look. Billy: Okay, here the school. [Tommy pulls out a metal container, opens it, and pulls a snake out of it.] Billy: Okay, so this is the gym. Tommy: Right.
: So now what? Tommy: [Puts the snake in his view] So we take this snake... Billy: [Throws down the blueprints, backs up frantically, screaming] Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?! Get that out of my face! Tommy: You don't like snakes? Billy: I hate snakes! You know I hate snakes! Jesus! [Indicating Balbricker] Billy: What are you going to do, kill her? Tommy: [Puts the snake back] No, it's just a rat snake. It's not poisonous. Billy: [Cringing] Yaah! Tommy: [After opening the correct pipe] Okay Billy, give me the snake. Billy: Give you the snake? Get your own fuckin' snake, give you the snake! [Grabs his crotch] Billy: I got your snake right here. Wendy: Pee Wee it's not that bad, just tell the guys that you called up all the girls in your harem and none of them wanted to do it with all those jerks. Pee Wee: I bet you would. Wendy: I don't have a harem. Pee Wee: That's not what I heard. Wendy: Do you know how I got my reputation? Pee Wee: How? Wendy: In the 8th grade, I didn't know anything. A bunch of guys wanted to get me to go skinny dipping, I didn't want to but I didn't care if they did so I just watched. I thought it was funny, flopping around...the next day I was a slut, the original mattress-back.