Mabel: The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go. Mabel: You poor thing. Pirates! You mean like walking the plank? Buried treasure? Hack, slash, off with his head, and the Jolly Richard, and everything? Frederic: Roger. Mabel: Oh, Roger I love it. Frederic: No, Frederic without a "k." Mabel: Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common. Mabel: You'll be hung! The Pirate King: Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you. The Pirate King: What's the age of consent around here? Mabel: Eighteen. The Pirate King: Good! I'm old enough. Frederic: Oh I love you. I'll always love you, come what may. Mabel: "Come what may"? We'll all be murdered in our beds come what may. Frederic: Well run. For God's sake run! Mabel: Death before dishonor. Besides, have you tried running in one of these things? It's a real bitch. [Mabel comes in and finds Frederic laying in a coffin] Mabel: Frederic, what are you doing? Frederic: Oh, hiding. Mabel: My Frederic, hiding? It cannot be the lion-heart troubles at the coming conflict. My love - a wimp! Frederic: No, Mabel. A terrible disclosure's just been made. Mabel: Then zip it up! [the Pirate King has just cornered Frederick in their swordfight, the Pirate King has his sword pointed between Frederick's legs] The Pirate King: Drop it, or... Frederic: *Nuts*! The Pirate King: Them, too! Frederic: [sitting rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been at sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse? Mabel: Frederic, you're not gay, are you? Frederic: [high voice] No! [clears throat and in a lower voice] Frederic: No. Mabel: The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather. Frederic: Mabel! Mabel:
Hey! I'm not prejudiced. I mean, what does this country got a navy for? Screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
Frederic: You're weird. Mabel: All kidding aside, tell me this. Are you a virgin? Frederic: I don't know. Mabel: Near enough. [unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to show her corset] Mabel: Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked and strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty! [to stone statue] Mabel: Would you Harry, would you? [to Frederic] Mabel: Never to know the rich and real, wondrous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing? Frederic: I see! I see! I'm throbbing too! Frederic: [moments after meeting for the first time] Look, I know this is going to sound silly, but I think I love you. I think I might even want to marry you. Mabel: Boy, that was a short love scene! Frederic: [scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you! Ruth: By the way, was that a definite no back there? Frederic: Ruth, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but tell me honestly. Now, compared to other women, are you beautiful? Ruth: Oh, I've been told so. Frederic: Ah, but lately? Ruth: Yes, by Sam. 'Course, he was drunk. Major-General: Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones!