advertisement Alex P. Keaton: Hey, I don't mind if I toot my own horn. Toot, toot! Mallory Keaton: [panic-stricken] The light bulb is out in my bedroom! What are we going to do? Andrew Keaton: Alex is reading me "Robin Hood," where he robs from the poor and gives to the rich. Steven Keaton: That's not Robin Hood, that's Ronald Reagan. Mallory Keaton: Mom, I need to reevaluate my life. Do you have a minute? Alex P. Keaton: [Referring to a current infatuation] Of all the Basic Applied Economic Principles of Capitalism in the Post-Industrial Era Seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine. Alex P. Keaton: Mallory, someone stupid called... sometime today... about something trivial. Mallory Keaton: Alex you know that could be any one of my friends. Alex P. Keaton: People who have money don't need people. [about his new boss, Rebecca Ryan] Alex P. Keaton: Face it, Keaton. She wants you. Elyse Keaton: Alex was offended by our political magazines and ripped them up. Alex P. Keaton: You have no proof. Elyse Keaton: Yes we do. We found your rattle on the floor next to the evidence. Alex P. Keaton: It could have Mallory's. Elyse Keaton: It was your Nixon rattle. Steven Keaton: I can't wait to try this Pasta Alex, Alex. [Speaks with womanly voice] Alex P. Keaton: I love a man with a healthy appetite. Alex P. Keaton: It's just like taking candy from a baby. Jennifer Keaton: Brings back memories. Alex P. Keaton: Remember when we were kids and I run you over with my bicycle? Erwin 'Skippy' Handleman: Yes. Alex P. Keaton: I have a car now. Mallory Keaton: Dad, Alex, this is Jamie Carter. Alex P. Keaton: Aaaaah! [jumps into his father's arms] Steven Keaton: It's okay, Alex. She said Jamie, not Jimmy. [Uncle Ned is an alcoholic] Alex P. Keaton: You just drank a whole bottle of vanilla extract. Ned Donnelly: I'm sorry; did you want some? Alex P. Keaton: [after Nick makes Andy a dream hat, to help him go to sleep] I had not idea Nick could be so... useful. Elyse Keaton: Don't you remember? We said we were going to be creative this year and make gifts instead of spending a lot of money Christmas shopping. Steven Keaton: Well, I know we said it, I just didn't know we meant it. [drunken Ned throws newspaper clipping in the fireplace] Alex P. Keaton: Hey, don't do that. Here give me those. Ned Donnelly: Leave me alone! Alex P. Keaton: Give me those! Ned Donnelly: [screaming] LEAVE ME ALONE! [slaps Alex] Steven Keaton: What the hell are you doing? Ned Donnelly: I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. Sorry, Alex. [Ned cries] Steven Keaton: [quietly, but furious] All right, Ned. That's it. It's over. Right now, either you get some help... or you get the hell outta my house. Andrew Keaton: Alex is King! Alex P. Keaton: [Mallory scored higher than Alex on an IQ test] I want you, Mallory! I want you! I can take you with one brain tied behind my back! Nick Moore: We can walk on coals / Have ninjas fight us / Just don't get gingivitis. Steven Keaton: [later as he's sleeping] We can walk on coals / Have ninjas fight us/ Just don't get gingivitis. [wakes up] Steven Keaton: Elyse, I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was Nick. Mallory Keaton: I shop, therefore I am. Steven: [reading from a card given to him by Alex] "Alex is more than a son. He's a companion, a friend, whom I can spend many long hours with discussing the economy, world events and politics." Alex, if I read this out loud, I'm afraid I'll be struck by lightning. [Alex nods towards Elyse] Elyse Keaton: [reading from her card] Mom, please read the "Alex is more than a son" speech, if dad refuses. Steven Keaton: I love you, Elyse. Elyse Keaton: No, I love you more, Steven. [Elyse and Steven make kissy noises through the telephone] Alex P. Keaton: [shouting from upstairs] Oh, for crying will you hang up the phone? Steven Keaton: [walks into the kitchen] What's this? Elyse Keaton: Andrew drew it. It's a picture of a dog. I told him that he couldn't have a dog because Malory is allergic to dogs. Steven Keaton: What's this? Elyse Keaton: It's a picture of Malory moving away. Steven Keaton: [walks into the kitchen] What's this? Elyse Keaton: Andrew drew it. It's a picture of a dog. I told him that he couldn't have a dog because Mallory is allergic to dogs. Steven Keaton: What's this? Elyse Keaton: It's a picture of Mallory moving away.