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剧 情
Kermit and Fozzie are newspaper reporters sent to London to interview Lady Holiday, a wealthy fashion designer whose priceless diamond neckl...
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Charles Grodin
演员
饰Lady Holiday
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John Cleese
演员
饰British Gentl...
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Robert Morley
演员
饰Truck Driver
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Peter Ustinov
演员
饰Mr. Tarkenian...
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Jack Warden
演员
饰Rizzo the Rat...
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[Kermit is sitting on a bench - a man and his daughter walk by]
Girl:
Look, Dad. There's a bear.
Father:
No, dear. That's a frog. Bears wear hats.
Miss Piggy:
You! It was you! Kermit was right there! You're a phony. You're a phony. Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing. Your voice was dubbed.
Miss Piggy:
[Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie] Why are you telling me all this?
Lady Holiday:
It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.
Statler:
I guess all's well that ends well.
Waldorf:
I don't care, as long as it ends.
Truck Driver:
What are you doing here?
Oscar the Grouch:
A very brief cameo.
Truck Driver:
Me too.
Kermit:
We're going to catch those crooks red-handed.
Beauregard:
What color are their hands now?
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew:
I suggest we jump.
Fozzie:
Are you crazy? There's about 100 feet.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew:
I didn't say it was a good suggestion.
Kermit:
How come you don't have an English accent?
Beauregard:
Hey I'm lucky to have a driver's license.
Pops:
Hey, how're you guys fixin' to pay?
Kermit:
What are our choices?
Pops:
A: Credit card; B: Cash; C: Sneak out in the middle of the night.
Fozzie:
We'll take C.
Pops:
Very popular choice.
Fozzie:
[about run-down hotel] If that's the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the sad one looks like.
Gonzo:
Stop the presses!
News Editor:
Why? What happened?
Gonzo:
I don't know. I just always wanted to say that.
Fozzie:
What does "BSC" stand for?
Kermit:
I don't know.
Kermit:
I hate to be rude, but we're trying to do a movie.
Statler:
Hey, Waldorf. Wake up. Here come the bikinis.
Waldorf:
Oh, boy. We must synchronize our pacemakers.
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Miss Piggy
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:
What am I? A glutton for punishment?
Kermit:
We were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel. Actually, a cheap hotel.
British Gentleman:
How cheap?
Fozzie:
Free.
British Gentleman:
Well then, that narrows the field a bit.
[reading from his guide]
British Gentleman:
Let's see. "Places where you can park your carcasses." Bus terminals. River banks. The Happiness Hotel.
Kermit:
The Happiness Hotel? That sounds great.
Gonzo:
What's wrong with bus terminals?
Fozzie:
Mr. Holiday, sir. Will you let him go? If you hold him too long, he'll just give you warts.
Gonzo:
Is that the Eiffel Tower?
Fozzie:
Yeah!
Kermit:
No.
Fozzie:
No. No.
Miss Piggy:
[about Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem's playing] They don't have to play this loud.
Kermit:
That's okay, they don't mind.
Fozzie:
I guess this would be a bad time to ask for a raise?
Nicky Holiday:
Miss Piggy you're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type. Those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin.
Miss Piggy:
Yeah, well I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.
[Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo are in cages on an airline flight]
Fozzie:
Kermit, I'm hungry. When do we get to eat?
Kermit:
Sorry Fozzie, they don't serve food in 9th class.
Air Steward:
All out for England.
Kermit:
Great the plane is landing.
Air Steward:
[opens cargo door in mid-flight] No, the plane lands in Italy. You land in England.
Air Steward:
All out for the USA.
Kermit:
Great. How close are we?
Air Steward:
About 30,000 feet.
Kermit:
You mean...
Air Steward:
[opens cargo door in mid-flight again] Yep, happy landings.
Sam the Eagle:
You are all - WEIRDOS.
[In a hot-air balloon]
Gonzo:
I'd like to try this without a balloon.
Kermit:
Try what? Plummeting?
Gonzo:
Yeah.
Kermit:
I suppose you could try it once.
Prison Guard:
Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy:
What?
Prison Guard:
Your lawyer is here to see you.
Miss Piggy:
Lawyer? I don't have a lawyer.
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Prison Guard
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:
Och, sure you do. Little green guy.
Miss Piggy:
[short intake of breath] Kermie. Oh. No wonder he hasn't come by to see me. He had to finish law school.
Kermit:
What's wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.
Zoot:
Oh, he's just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.
Animal:
Renoir!
[Pops is driving the bus with Electric Mayhem in back]
Pops:
[to Kermit and friends who want to get on the bus] You'll have to sit in the front seat, the back's been quarantined.
Beauregard:
What's your room number?
Kermit:
What?
Fozzie:
I don't know, but we're on the second floor.
Beauregard:
Oh, I'm sorry. I can only take you as far as the lobby.
British Gentleman:
For once the forecast was right. It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.
Kermit:
No, no. We're bears and frogs.
Gonzo:
And Gonzos.
Security Guard:
But I hate pepperoni!
Fozzie:
[sighs] It was nice of the Chronicle to pay for our flight home.
Pops:
Yeah, but a man should be treated better than his luggage.
Scooter:
Yeah, well, my luggage was sucked out the door. Luckily my radio is frozen to my wrist.
Lady Holiday:
I feel like thieves are breathing down my neck.
Nicky Holiday:
[breathing down her neck] Thieves aren't breathing down your neck.
Kermit:
Quiet!
[all fall silent except Janice]
Janice:
"Look, Mother. It's my life. OK. So if I want to live on a beach and walk around naked..." Oh.
Delivery Man:
Mr. Holiday, did you order a gross of flowered socks?
Lady Holiday:
[to Nicky] You left your wallet in college.
Lady Holiday:
That outfit's the pits. Loose where it should be tight and tight where it should be loose like it folds on a turkey's neck.
Miss Piggy:
I love you too... Rosenthal.
Rowlf:
Let me talk to them. Woof woof. Woof woof.
[guard dogs start to heel]
Rowlf:
It helps to know a second language.
Fozzie:
Kermit, are bears allowed in those fountains?
Kermit:
[bewildered] What?
Fozzie:
Are bears allowed in those fountains?
Kermit:
No
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, I don't think so.
Fozzie:
I need a bath.
[Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are in a hot air balloon, flying through the opening credits]
Gonzo:
Gee, a lot of people worked on this movie!
Kermit:
Oh, this is nothing. Wait 'til you see the end credits.
[Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are in a hot air balloon, flying through the opening credits]
Fozzie:
Nobody really reads those. Do they?
Prison Guard:
TWO MINUTES PIG!
Gonzo:
[after taking pictures of pigeons outside] Local poultry.
Pops:
[banging on bathroom door] Hey! Open up!
Kermit:
Sorry, but we're trying to catch a thief!
Pops:
Well, catch him in another room! We've got people prancing up and down on one leg out here!
Kermit:
[going over check list] Wax lips?
Zoot:
[checking his pockets] Man, I just had them!
Kermit:
Maybe you left them in your other pants?
Zoot:
I don't have no other pants!
Kermit:
[going over checklist] Whoopie cushion?
Dr. Teeth:
[slyly] It's on the bus.
[everyone laughs]
Scooter:
I brought the hot mustard!
Kermit:
Hot mustard? For what?
Scooter:
Maybe we can eat through the bars.
Kermit:
[on the plane] Someone's coming.
Fozzie:
Oh, maybe they're bringing hamburgers.
News Editor:
Have you seen these headlines?
[reads newspaper]
News Editor:
"JEWEL HEIST ON MAINSTREET!" And in state-bold print.
Kermit:
Yes, so its very easy to read.
News Editor:
Shut up.
Kermit:
[sheepish] I'm sorry.
News Editor:
"Lady Holliday's Jewels Stolen," thats what it says in The Times. And here's The Herald, "Fashion Queen Of London Robbed." And last, but not least
[chuckles]
News Editor:
here's our cute little banner story, "Identicle Twins Join The Chronicle Staff." Now I as you, which would you read?
Fozzie:
I read the one with "Dear Abby" in it.
News Editor:
OH!
[News Editor pounds fist into desk in frustration, causing Gonzo to jump with fright up into the ceiling]
Fozzie:
[pleading] We'll do better next time.
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News Editor
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:
Next time? Next time!
[pounds fist into desk]
News Editor:
What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
Kermit:
Well, if there isn't, sir, it's going to be a really short movie.
Kermit:
[on the plane to England] I think I'll read for a while... I wish I had a book.
Gonzo:
[going over the Thames] What's the name of this river?
Kermit:
I don't know.
Fozzie:
I believe it is the English river.
Fozzie:
[Gonzo takes a picture on the bus] Oh did I get my elbow in the shot?
Gonzo:
Don't worry it adds human interest.
Fozzie:
But I'm a bear.
Kermit:
[standing outside the Mallory Gallery] How do we get in?
Fozzie:
I suggest we ring the door bell.
Fozzie:
I sure could use something from one or more of the basic food groups.
Gonzo:
[looking at the models] Hubba hubba!
Miss Piggy:
Adios, mon cherie.
Nicky Holiday:
[Lady Holiday's necklace has just been stolen] What do you want me to do? I just spilled ketchup all over my cummerbund.
Dorcas:
What would you buy if you were bored?
Neville:
Uh... a jar of calf's foot jelly.
Kermit:
[at the supper club] It's amusing that the roast beef is the same price as an Oldsmobile.
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