[after a harrowing cab ride]
Sheldon:
Did we hit the little boy on Sixth Avenue?
Vince Ricardo:
No, we missed him by a good foot and a half.
Sheldon:
Six thousand a year tuition to listen to this.
Sheldon:
The ocean? It's over the ocean to Scranton, Pennsylvania?
Vince Ricardo:
Just go with the flow, Shel, just go with the flow.
Sheldon:
What flow? There isn't any flow.
Vince Ricardo:
Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.
Sheldon:
There's no reason to shoot at me, I'm a dentist.
Sheldon:
You were involved in the Bay of Pigs?
Vince Ricardo:
Involved? That was my idea.
Tommy:
Dad and his mysterious phone calls.
Vince Ricardo:
What the hell do you mean by that?
Tommy:
Nothing. You're just always making these weird calls in back rooms and pay booths...
Vince Ricardo:
You little snot-nose! Those phone calls put you through college!
Vince Ricardo:
I was in the jungle - the bush we called it - for approximately nine months...
Sheldon:
Nine months! That must have really been something!
Vince Ricardo:
It was. I saw things... They have tsetse flies down there the size of eagles.
[On working for the CIA]
Vince Ricardo:
Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program.
Vince Ricardo:
You know, I'm such a great driver, it's incomprehensible that they took my license away.
Sheldon:
I have flames on my car. I HAVE FLAMES ON MY CAR!
Vince Ricardo:
Serpentine Shelly. Serpentine!
Vince Ricardo:
Son, do you remember when we use to play ball on Nagle Avenue?
Tommy:
No dad, we talked about playing ball on Nagle Avenue, but we never did.
Sheldon:
I've only had four women in my life. Two of them, my wife!
General Garcia:
We have no blindfolds senor, we are a poor country!
Vince Ricardo:
Serpentine, Shel! Serpentine!
General Garcia:
I am a pacifist by nature with a deep Quaker belief in the sanctity of human life. I wish I had a choice but to kill you.
Sheldon:
Please God, don't let me die on West 31st Street!
General Garcia:
[commenting on his choice for a new national flag, featuring a portrait of himself alongside a topless local prostitute] If it wasn't for the church, this flag would be flying at the U.N right now. But no . . . they stand in the way, THEY STAND IN THE WAY!