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剧 情
Cheech and Chong meet up by chance on the highway somewhere in California. They go in search of some dope and are accidentally deported to M...
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[stoned cop walks to window]
Cop:
What do you guys want?
Pedro:
Hey how am I driving, man?
Man Stoner:
[looks around] : I think we're parked.
Pedro:
Man, what is in this shit, man?
Man Stoner:
Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.
Pedro:
What's Labrador?
Man Stoner:
It's dog shit.
Pedro:
What?
Man Stoner:
Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.
Pedro:
Yeah?
Man Stoner:
I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?
Pedro:
You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?
Man Stoner:
Gets ya high, don't it?
[Song, "Rockin' Robin" plays... ]
Man Stoner:
I think it's even better than before, you know?
Pedro:
Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.
Border Guard:
So, how long you've been in Mexico?
Pedro:
A week. I mean a day.
Border Guard:
Well, which is it? A week or a day?
Pedro:
A weekday.
Man Stoner:
Man my legs hurt.
Pedro:
Yeah I bet!
Man:
You wanna get high man?
Pedro:
Does Howdy Doody got wooden Balls man?
Arnold Stoner:
When, boy? When, are you gonna get your act together?
Man Stoner:
Yeah, that 'Nam grass will fuck anyone up, man!
Arnold Stoner:
You get a goddamn job before sundown, or we're shipping you off to military school with the goddamn Finkelstein-shit kid! Son of a bitch!
Strawberry:
The great outdoors!
Pedro:
It's punk rock, Man! We can do that; we can be punks, Man!
[Man has disguised himslef as a woman while hitchhiking]
Man Stoner:
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Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I was about to freeze my balls off.
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ffb
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Pedro de Pacas:
Man, I was hopin' you didn't have no balls.
Pedro:
[laughing while stoned] Way anchor! How much does it weigh? I don't know, I forgot! pffhhh! Ha ha I saw that in a movie once...!
Arresting Officer:
Sir, could I please see your license?
Pedro:
Whuut?
Arresting Officer:
Your license. Where's your license?
Pedro:
It's back there on the bumper, man!
Arresting Officer:
No, I mean your DRIVER'S license.
Pedro:
Oh yeah, I got the bullshit back here man...
[gets license with great difficulty]
Pedro:
Hey I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother!
[laughs]
Arresting Officer:
[after dirty look, of course] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro:
uuhhh... Isn't in on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro De Pacas, man, that's my name...
Arresting Officer:
[to Man] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro:
Whut? I told you my name, man!
Arresting Officer:
[to Man] Sir... what's YOUR name?
Pedro:
[to Man] Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
[Man vomits onto the floor of the car]
Pedro:
Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!
[Pedro is having a panic attack after smoking Man's dope]
Man Stoner:
Here, man, mellow out. Here, take this
[Pedro swallows the capsule]
Man Stoner:
No, wait a minute don't take that.
Pedro:
[Worried] Hey, man; what was that shit you gave me?
Man Stoner:
Man, that was the most acid I ever saw anyone take at one time, man.
Pedro:
[panicing] Acid! Man, I don't mess with that shit, man. A guy in my neighborhood took some once, his head swelled up and everything, man!
Man Stoner:
[laughing] Ho, ho, ho; man, I hope you're not planning on doing anything for the next couple of months.
Man Stoner:
[to Pedro, who is in the throes of panic] HEY! MELLOW OUT, MAN!
Pedro:
Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens.
Man Stoner:
What's the Immigration Service doing here, man?
Pedro:
My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.
Sgt. Stedenko:
Now just how well do you know that freak with the basketball?
Unknown:
Which basketball?
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fd3
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Sgt. Stedenko:
Which basketball?
Sgt. Stedenko:
Some asshole pissed on my leg!
Man Stoner:
[looking at a dinky little joint] I hope your dick's bigger than this, man.
Man Stoner:
Hey, hey don't take those, man.
Pedro:
...Wha?
Man Stoner:
I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
Pedro:
Hey, man, I already took 'em, man.
Man Stoner:
Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...
Pedro:
Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?
Man Stoner:
Oh... HU-WOW, MAN!
Pedro:
Hey, what was that shit, man?
Man Stoner:
You just at the most acid I've ever seen anybody eat in my life!
Pedro:
Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.
Man Stoner:
I just hope you're not busy for about a month...
Man Stoner:
[Cheech starts toking on the giant joint] Toke, toke it up, man!
Man Stoner:
[Cheech starts choking] Kinda grabs ya' by the boo-boo, don't it?
Arnold Stoner:
You get yourself a job before sundown, or we're sending you to military school with that
[pause]
Arnold Stoner:
goddam Finklestein shit kid! Son of a bitch!
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