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[repeated line]
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Mork:
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Nanu-Nanu!
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[repeated line]
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Mork:
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Shazbut
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Mork:
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K.O.
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Mork:
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[Mork's emotions are out of control. His solution is to introduce them to Mindy's emotions] OK guys, come on over here
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[mimes football huddle]
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Mork:
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Right!
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[leaps back over to Mindy]
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Mindy McConnell:
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Well?
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Mork:
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I've got mixed emotions.
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[alarm for Mork's wristwatch which he wears round his ankle goes off]
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Mindy McConnell:
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Ah, your foot's ringing. I'll get it.
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[bends down and pushes button on watch, pulls out small piece of paper under watch strap]
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Mindy McConnell:
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What's this piece of paper?
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Mork:
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Must be a footnote.
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Customer:
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[Mork has taken a job working in a health food shop] My doctor says I need to get more iron in my diet, now what do you suggest?
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Mork:
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Eat your car keys.
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Eugene:
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[Seeing Holly for the first time] She sure is a doll.
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Mork:
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An android maybe, but not a doll.
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Eugene:
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No, that's not what I meant. A cute chick, a fox. Real hot stuff.
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Mork:
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Ohh, a fox.
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[makes noise like barking hound]
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Holly:
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[Mork places his hand on Holly's forehead] Why are you doing that?
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Mork:
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Well, Eugene said you were hot stuff, you're actually only
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Mork:
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If Holly liked him so much, how come she punched him and told him he was weird.
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Mindy McConnell:
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Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.
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Mork:
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Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?
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Mindy McConnell:
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Yeah, it can.
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Mork:
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Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?
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Mork:
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[Eugene has just said that he needs to tell him something important] Well, come on, I'm waiting here with a worm on my tongue.
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Eugene:
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Huh?
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Mork:
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Baited breath.
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Politician:
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You know I'd like to thank you for the time and trouble in bringing this to my attention. Before you go, I would like to present you with one of my souvenir pens.
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Mork:
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Look, if I wanted a pen and coffee I'd have mugged a waitress. You know what, I don't need any more pens. Look at this.
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[Mork pulls a handful of pens out of his jacket pocket]
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Mork:
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And look at that, it's a Ronald Reagan pen, it's got no point
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Mindy McConnell:
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Mork, why are you building a tower of Cheerios?
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Mork:
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Because it's hard to stack oatmeal.
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Mindy McConnell:
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[Mork and Mindy are trapped in a giant birdcage facing certain death] Mork, I have something to confess to you. When you were out one day, I...I...I put on your spacesuit.
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Mork:
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[shocked] The helmet, too?
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Mindy McConnell:
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Boots and all!
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Mork:
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[after Mork has had a chance to absorb this revelation] Well, Mindy, I have something to confess to you.
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[Mindy grows more and more shocked as she connects the dots]
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Mindy McConnell:
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[Mork has proposed, and after chatting with Fred and Cora, she decides to not marry Mork] I guess what I'm really trying to say is... I can't marry you
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Mork:
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Mind', That's a joke right, like the volunteer army? Ha ha ha R R R!... R R Rrrr.
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Miss Geezba:
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Stand up straight, Mork.
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Mork:
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Ma'am.
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Miss Geezba:
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And don't forget that book report.
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Mork:
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Yeah.. yes, ma'am. I'm doing it on the wit and wisdom of Richard Nixon. It'll be a one-page essay.
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Exidor:
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[Exidor is trying to get Mork's memory back] All right, Mork, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. "Oh, no, please don't."
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Mork:
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Oh, no, please don't... oh...
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Exidor:
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[Exidor takes a poster off Mindy's wall and smashes it over Mork's head] Too late.
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Cora Hudson:
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That man is an absolute raving lunatic.
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Exidor:
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Madam, you flatter me.
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Mork:
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[excited] Wait a minute, I've got to show you something. I've already picked out my bumper sticker.
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[runs into bedroom and returns with a whole car bumper]
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Todd Norman Taylor aka TNT:
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[reading the sticker] "Aliens make better lovers".
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Mork:
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And look at this one here. "Horn if you're a honky".
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Mearth:
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[seeing that the apartment has been filled with expensive toys] Mammy, the tooth fairy *has* been keeping up with inflation.
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Mindy McConnell:
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[sarcastic] Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.
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Mork:
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[Mork jumps out of a huge box in the middle of the room] Surprise!
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Mindy McConnell:
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No, not really.
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Mork:
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[referring to the Exidor Boutique, in which Mork invested all of their savings] Come on, Mind, Exidor *knows* what he's doing.
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Exidor:
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[storming out of the dressing room, talking to his imaginary friend] What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break? They just had one ten minutes ago and all they did was dribble.
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Exidor:
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[to Mork] Partner. Glad to see you brought the little woman.
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Mindy McConnell:
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We want our money back now, and don't call me the little woman.
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Mork:
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What she's trying to say is, Exidor, we've had a change of heart, you know like when Annie Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.
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Exidor:
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I've only been open two hours. Even Evita didn't pay off its backers that fast.
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Mindy McConnell:
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We want our money back.
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Exidor:
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Look, business is a little slow but we're gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?
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Mindy McConnell:
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That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
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Exidor:
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Listen, Perky, are you insinuating I'm some kind of crack-pot? Well, that's what they said about David Rockefeller.
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Mindy McConnell:
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Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.
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Exidor:
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*I* did...
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[suddenly looks the other way]
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Exidor:
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Pepe, pepe. You call yourself a tailor? Just lengthen the sleeve don't clip his nails
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[Exidor storms off with "Pepe"]
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Louise Bailey:
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[in a jail cell with Mindy] Funny the way things happen. I'm in here because of a silly old parking meter.
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Mindy McConnell:
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You're kidding!
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Louise Bailey:
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No, I went into a hardware store and when I came out, *there* was a policeman writing me a ticket.
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Mindy McConnell:
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I don't believe it, they threw you in jail for a parking ticket.
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Louise Bailey:
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Well, in a roundabout way. You see when I put the shovel in the trunk, Walter's arm fell out.
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Mindy McConnell:
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Who's Walter?
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Louise Bailey:
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My husband.
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Mindy McConnell:
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What was he doing in the trunk?
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Louise Bailey:
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Not much... he was dead. I warned him about his snoring for years but he just wouldn't believe me. So last night I took a pair of my very best pantyhose, and I wrapped them around his neck... real tight. You know it was the first good night's sleep I've had in 31 years.
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Mindy McConnell:
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[Mindy gets up and walks across to the other side of the cell] Well, you look well rested.
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Louise Bailey:
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You don't snore, do you, dear?
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Franklin Delano Bickley:
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That's diddly, he's just going out of town, I'm going out of business. I used to be the best greeting card writer around. I can't work any more.
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Mindy McConnell:
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Oh, come on, we don't make that much noise.
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Franklin Delano Bickley:
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I know, I was blaming it on you but it's time i faced it. I've lost it.
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Mork:
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We could form a posse and find it if you want.
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Franklin Delano Bickley:
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No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not any more.
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[pulls a card from his pocket]
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Franklin Delano Bickley:
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Listen to this. "Your pet rabbit died. Poor little muffet. Your two choices are, eat it or stuff it".
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Mork:
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Aww, that's sad.
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Mork:
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Exidor!
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Exidor:
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[looks away from Mork] Mork! Is that you?
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