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[repeated line]
Mork:
Nanu-Nanu!
[repeated line]
Mork:
Shazbut
Mork:
K.O.
Mork:
[Mork's emotions are out of control. His solution is to introduce them to Mindy's emotions] OK guys, come on over here
[mimes football huddle]
Mork:
Right!
[leaps back over to Mindy]
Mindy McConnell:
Well?
Mork:
I've got mixed emotions.
[alarm for Mork's wristwatch which he wears round his ankle goes off]
Mindy McConnell:
Ah, your foot's ringing. I'll get it.
[bends down and pushes button on watch, pulls out small piece of paper under watch strap]
Mindy McConnell:
What's this piece of paper?
Mork:
Must be a footnote.
Customer:
[Mork has taken a job working in a health food shop] My doctor says I need to get more iron in my diet, now what do you suggest?
Mork:
Eat your car keys.
Eugene:
[Seeing Holly for the first time] She sure is a doll.
Mork:
An android maybe, but not a doll.
Eugene:
No, that's not what I meant. A cute chick, a fox. Real hot stuff.
Mork:
Ohh, a fox.
[makes noise like barking hound]
Holly:
[Mork places his hand on Holly's forehead] Why are you doing that?
Mork:
Well, Eugene said you were hot stuff, you're actually only 98.4.
Mork:
If Holly liked him so much, how come she punched him and told him he was weird.
Mindy McConnell:
Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.
Mork:
Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?
Mindy McConnell:
Yeah, it can.
Mork:
Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?
Mork:
[Eugene has just said that he needs to tell him something important] Well, come on, I'm waiting here with a worm on my tongue.
Eugene:
Huh?
Mork:
Baited breath.
Politician:
You know I'd like to thank you for the time and trouble in bringing this to my attention. Before you go, I would like to present you with one of my souvenir pens.
Mork:
Look, if I wanted a pen and coffee I'd have mugged a waitress. You know what, I don't need any more pens. Look at this.
[Mork pulls a handful of pens out of his jacket pocket]
Mork:
And look at that, it's a Ronald Reagan pen, it's got no point
Mindy McConnell:
Mork, why are you building a tower of Cheerios?
Mork:
Because it's hard to stack oatmeal.
Mindy McConnell:
[Mork and Mindy are trapped in a giant birdcage facing certain death] Mork, I have something to confess to you. When you were out one day, I...I...I put on your spacesuit.
Mork:
[shocked] The helmet, too?
Mindy McConnell:
Boots and all!
Mork:
[after Mork has had a chance to absorb this revelation] Well, Mindy, I have something to confess to you.
[Mindy grows more and more shocked as she connects the dots]
Mindy McConnell:
[Mork has proposed, and after chatting with Fred and Cora, she decides to not marry Mork] I guess what I'm really trying to say is... I can't marry you
Mork:
Mind', That's a joke right, like the volunteer army? Ha ha ha R R R!... R R Rrrr.
Miss Geezba:
Stand up straight, Mork.
Mork:
Ma'am.
Miss Geezba:
And don't forget that book report.
Mork:
Yeah.. yes, ma'am. I'm doing it on the wit and wisdom of Richard Nixon. It'll be a one-page essay.
Exidor:
[Exidor is trying to get Mork's memory back] All right, Mork, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. "Oh, no, please don't."
Mork:
Oh, no, please don't... oh...
Exidor:
[Exidor takes a poster off Mindy's wall and smashes it over Mork's head] Too late.
Cora Hudson:
That man is an absolute raving lunatic.
Exidor:
Madam, you flatter me.
Mork:
[excited] Wait a minute, I've got to show you something. I've already picked out my bumper sticker.
[runs into bedroom and returns with a whole car bumper]
Todd Norman Taylor aka TNT:
[reading the sticker] "Aliens make better lovers".
Mork:
And look at this one here. "Horn if you're a honky".
Mearth:
[seeing that the apartment has been filled with expensive toys] Mammy, the tooth fairy *has* been keeping up with inflation.
Mindy McConnell:
[sarcastic] Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.
Mork:
[Mork jumps out of a huge box in the middle of the room] Surprise!
Mindy McConnell:
No, not really.
Mork:
[referring to the Exidor Boutique, in which Mork invested all of their savings] Come on, Mind, Exidor *knows* what he's doing.
Exidor:
[storming out of the dressing room, talking to his imaginary friend] What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break? They just had one ten minutes ago and all they did was dribble.
Exidor:
[to Mork] Partner. Glad to see you brought the little woman.
Mindy McConnell:
We want our money back now, and don't call me the little woman.
Mork:
What she's trying to say is, Exidor, we've had a change of heart, you know like when Annie Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.
Exidor:
I've only been open two hours. Even Evita didn't pay off its backers that fast.
Mindy McConnell:
We want our money back.
Exidor:
Look, business is a little slow but we're gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?
Mindy McConnell:
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Exidor:
Listen, Perky, are you insinuating I'm some kind of crack-pot? Well, that's what they said about David Rockefeller.
Mindy McConnell:
Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.
Exidor:
*I* did...
[suddenly looks the other way]
Exidor:
Pepe, pepe. You call yourself a tailor? Just lengthen the sleeve don't clip his nails
[Exidor storms off with "Pepe"]
Louise Bailey:
[in a jail cell with Mindy] Funny the way things happen. I'm in here because of a silly old parking meter.
Mindy McConnell:
You're kidding!
Louise Bailey:
No, I went into a hardware store and when I came out, *there* was a policeman writing me a ticket.
Mindy McConnell:
I don't believe it, they threw you in jail for a parking ticket.
Louise Bailey:
Well, in a roundabout way. You see when I put the shovel in the trunk, Walter's arm fell out.
Mindy McConnell:
Who's Walter?
Louise Bailey:
My husband.
Mindy McConnell:
What was he doing in the trunk?
Louise Bailey:
Not much... he was dead. I warned him about his snoring for years but he just wouldn't believe me. So last night I took a pair of my very best pantyhose, and I wrapped them around his neck... real tight. You know it was the first good night's sleep I've had in 31 years.
Mindy McConnell:
[Mindy gets up and walks across to the other side of the cell] Well, you look well rested.
Louise Bailey:
You don't snore, do you, dear?
Franklin Delano Bickley:
That's diddly, he's just going out of town, I'm going out of business. I used to be the best greeting card writer around. I can't work any more.
Mindy McConnell:
Oh, come on, we don't make that much noise.
Franklin Delano Bickley:
I know, I was blaming it on you but it's time i faced it. I've lost it.
Mork:
We could form a posse and find it if you want.
Franklin Delano Bickley:
No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not any more.
[pulls a card from his pocket]
Franklin Delano Bickley:
Listen to this. "Your pet rabbit died. Poor little muffet. Your two choices are, eat it or stuff it".
Mork:
Aww, that's sad.
Mork:
Exidor!
Exidor:
[looks away from Mork] Mork! Is that you?