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Terry Collier: I'd offer you a beer, but I've only got six cans. Bob: I think I'm going through what psychiatrists call an identity crisis. Thelma: Is that what Alan Pooley had? Bob: I think Alan just liked dressing up in women's clothes. Thelma: She must have quite a hold on Terry. Bob: Probably at this very moment. Thelma: Maybe we should invite Chris and Terry to badminton club. Thelma: I know the city is a bit grey but outside we're surrounded by breathtaking grandeur, aren't we Bob? Bob: Oh yes, breathtaking. Bob: These streets are ugly, but they have a kind of beauty. Terry Collier: Working class sentiment is the indulgence of working peopled created through football and rock-and-roll or people like you who moved out to the elm lodge housing estate at the earliest opportunity. Bob: Well I didn't want my kids growing up in these streets. Bob: Nobody cares, nobody's moved by the occasion. Terry Collier: Residents are, moved to a highrise. Bob: In the chocolate box of life the top layer's already gone. And someone's pinched the orange creme from the bottom. Terry Collier: Bloody hell. Bob: Of course you always had an irresistible sexual magnetism. Terry Collier: True but its not just that. Bob: What is it then, I'm dying to know! Terry Collier: Well once I've got them up here, there's no way they're going to risk leavin this dodgy area after dark. Bob: I'm going through a very depressed state recently, I think we should talk it through. Thelma: Oh Bob, we've got so much to get done, can't we talk about if later over a cup of tea, it'll keep won't it. Bob: Of course, its not important Thelma, I'm only questioning the validity of my entire life. Terry Collier: You kicked it up there! Bob: Not on purpose, was only making a strong clearance. Fireman: We've got better things to do with taxpayers money. Bob: I'm sorry, when I get to the top I just lost me nerve. Terry Collier: Keeps your hand in doesn't it, better than polishing your bell up all afternoon. Bob: Back in time for a drink, watch the box this afternoon - that's what a weekend should be - sport, sleep, slippers and sex. Terry Collier: Not necessarily in that order. Bob:

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Mind you my wife isn't really with me.

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Terry Collier: In town though. Bob: Out of sight, out of mind. Terry Collier: Good thinking Bob. Christina: I learn much this weekend Terry, it has been, how you say in English, an eyesore. Terry Collier: Oh Chris, I can't stand saying goodbye like this. Christina: You really mean that? Terry Collier: Yeah - you finish packing, I'm going to the pub. Christina: You are so tired, I put you up. Bob: You've put up with me long enough. Christina: I not mean with, I up-put you. Bob: I don't want to put you out. Christina: I not put out, you are nice person, you come to bed and I put you up. Terry Collier: [to young couple kissing passionately in lift] It's young Marsha isn't it, shouldn't you be in bed? Marsha: We'd rather be but dad's in, that's why we're in the lift. Bob: Did Thelma call? Terry Collier: No. Bob: Are you sure? Terry Collier: We don't have a phone. Terry Collier: That's just one of life's bitter ironies Bob. Bob: I suffer a lot from those. Bob: When it comes to women you're hardly Omar Sharif. Terry Collier: If Omar Sharif lived in Gateshead I doubt he'd be Omar Sharif.

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The Likely Lads

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