Blind beggar: I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money. Clouseau: Good Sharkey, Colonel God! Clouseau: I arrest you, Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious pink Lytton. Col. Sharky: [after examining the scene of stolen Pink Panther, Clouseau notices the wire on the floor] Very ingenious. Gen. Wadafi: [annoyed] He pulled himself across the floor. Clouseau: He did? Gen. Wadafi: How else could he have avoided our radar field? Clouseau: Yes, how else. Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that. Gen. Wadafi: Therefore, the wax. Clouseau: The wax? AGHH! [Clouseau steps on the wax and falls to the floor] Col. Sharky: Are you alright, Inspector? Clouseau: [on his knees] Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. [sniffs the wax on the floor] Clouseau: Have you taken a sample of this wax? Gen. Wadafi: Wax is wax! Clouseau: See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. Domestic wax, Belgian Wax, French Wax, English Wax... Col. Sharky: Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately. Clouseau: [grabing the mechanical arm from the jewel stand] It is my guess that you will find it is English wax. Gen. Wadafi: Why? Clouseau: Because your thief is an Englishman. Col. Sharky: How do you know that? Clouseau: It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton. Gen. Wadafi: The Phantom? Clouseau: Yes, one in the same. [the mechanical arm grabs Clouseaus's crotch]
: [annoyed] Are you blind? Blind beggar: Yes! [to parrot] Clouseau: Swine bird! Clouseau: I see you are familiar with the falling-down-on-the-floor ploy. [after an incident involving a blind beggar] Dreyfus: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang. Clouseau: That is impossible. How can a blind man be a lookout? Dreyfus: [Insinuating Clouseau] How can an idiot be a police officer? Clouseau: Well, all he has to do is enlist... Dreyfus: Shut up! [after inadvertently destroying much of the hotel he is in] Clouseau: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly. [to a Taxi driver] Clouseau: Follow that car! [driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car] Clouseau: Does Lady Lytton have a swimming pewl? Hotel Concierge: A swimming pewl? Col. Sharky: I will be forced to shoot you. Claudine: Who's forcing you? [Chief Inspector Dreyfuss has gone berserk, shooting at Clouseau and Lytton] Sir Charles Lytton: He's out of ammunition. Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He's out of his mind, that's what he's out of. [Cato has just attacked Clouseau, causing extensive damage to the restaurant he's eating in] Clouseau: You raving Oriental idiot! There is a time and a place for everything, Cato! And this is it! [Clouseau goes to attack Cato, but misses and destroys the restaurant's kitchen] Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [in Dreyfus' office, after Clouseau's apartment has been bombed] I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! It is amazing that I am still alive! Dreyfus: [forcing himself not to giggle] "Amazing" is the polite term. Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you? Dreyfus: YES! I wish you were DEAD! Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion. Dreyfus: [after Clouseau's fiasco with the bank robbers] ... You are suspended for six months, without pay, effective immediately! Have you anything to say? Inspector Jacques Clouseau: ...Could you lend me fifty francs? Dreyfus: [after Clouseau has demolished two trucks and a swimming pool in Nice]
Now he's off to Gstaad. Today, a paradise in the Swiss Alps - tomorrow, a wasteland.