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Elke Sommer
演员
饰Professor Ann...
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Kenneth Williams
演员
饰Professor Rol...
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Jack Douglas
演员
饰Ernie Bragg
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Joan Sims
演员
饰Daphne Barnes
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[Prof. Anna Vrooshka crashes into Prof. Crump's caravan]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Good Mornings, so sorry!
Prof. Roland Crump:
Well that's alright, don't mention it.
The Dean:
Crump, I'd like you to meet Professor Vrooshka.
[In a heavy Russian accent]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
How are you doinks?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
I have been examining Hadrian's Walls.
Prof. Roland Crump:
He only had one.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
One what?
Prof. Roland Crump:
He had one, one wall.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Terribly sorry, my English not yet perfected.
The Dean:
I'm glad to see you two look like hitting it off.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Hitting it off, what does hit it off mean? Means like having it off, no?
Prof. Roland Crump:
Oh no, it means establishing a friendly relationship.
[In a heavy Russian Accent]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Don't worry me and Professor Crump will soon be having it off.
Prof. Roland Crump:
HITTING IT OFF!
[In Fred Ramsden's Butcher Shop]
Fred Ramsden:
Hello Elss
Mrs. Rowan:
Hello love, give us a bit of that for the old man.
Fred Ramsden:
Give that to your husband and your in for a night of romance.
Mrs. Rowan:
Ooh, can I do it in the oven?
Fred Ramsden:
Do it where you like, its your kitchen.
Mrs. Rowan:
Ooh!
[Linda's mother brings her cacti on holiday with her]
Linda Upmore:
Mummy your not bringing them are you?
Daphne Barnes:
Well I can't leave them at home, they'll die.
Arthur Upmore:
Good.
Daphne Barnes:
Did you say something?
Arthur Upmore:
I said good, we've nearly finished packing.
[Daphne asks the taxi driver who brought her plants to put them somewhere safe, but Arthur gets a prodd from the Cactus on his bottom]
Daphne Barnes:
Put that on the table will you?
Arthur Upmore:
AHH! BLOODY HELL!
Daphne Barnes:
Arthur, there is no need for that!
Arthur Upmore:
Oh deary me, bless me soul, I do believe I nearly said a rude word, which is not suprising since I nearly got a cactus spike right up my a...
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Daphne Barnes
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:
ARTHUR!
[Fred Ramsden loses his Beach Ball and it ends up on Barnes' fire]
Barnes:
What you yelling about?
Fred Ramsden:
My balls burning!
Barnes:
Don't stand so close to the fire.
Prof. Roland Crump:
You mean the students got here before us?
Maj. Leep:
Yes, were you held up?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Yes, before we started we had quick bang together.
Prof. Roland Crump:
She ran into my caravan!
Maj. Leep:
Oh?
Prof. Roland Crump:
No! No! She collided with it now its a complete right-off.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It's ok we are squeezing in somehow.
Prof. Roland Crump:
We will do nothing of the sort!
[Professor Vrooshka and Professor Crump bargain with Barnes to rent his derelict looking caravan]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Fifteen quids a veek.
Barnes:
Twenty.
Prof. Roland Crump:
The only reason why we want the dilapidated mobile hovel, is for somewhere to do out operations.
Barnes:
Operations? What operations?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
He will be getting them out and I will be examining them and schticking labels on them.
Prof. Roland Crump:
We can't share a caravan.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You thinking you getting crumpet, no?
Prof. Roland Crump:
Certainly not, where on earth did you learn that expression?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Crumpet, is to squash it, it is in dictionary, crumpet is to squash it together.
Prof. Roland Crump:
Oh! You mean cramped.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Its what I say crumpet.
Prof. Roland Crump:
Crumpet, crumbit, crampit, well I'm not staying round here much longer, I'm going to the pub to see if they have rooms there.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Maybe you're getting crumpet in pub also?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
So you are sleeping in caravan?
Prof. Roland Crump:
I suppose we could divide it up or something.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
H'ok, if you wishink.
[Professor Vrooshka cleans her dirty caravan but finds her scrubbing brush isn't up to standard to do the job]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Ahh, scrubber. Scrubber no working, borrowing from comrades.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Excuse please, ahh this is nice, this is very nice, no?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
In this caravan your not getting much crumpet, no?
Arthur Upmore:
Pardon?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
CRUMPET.
Arthur Upmore:
Yes that's what I thought you said.
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Prof. Anna Vrooshka
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:
You see, I am keeping a, how you say, a dirrrty caravan.
Arthur Upmore:
Keeping a what?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You see, I am having birds in my caravan you want to come and see?
Arthur Upmore:
No thank you, not just now.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Therefore, I am going round camp looking for scrubbers.
Arthur Upmore:
Really?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Excuse please, you have scrubbers in caravan?
Ernie Bragg:
Certainly not!
[in the shower block, Linda Upmore tries to find her husband, Arthur]
Linda Upmore:
Oh I do beg your pardon, my husband has one just like yours.
Joe Baxter:
Hey?
Linda Upmore:
It's also creased and wrinkled.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Tomorrow, we are poking holes all over caravan site.
Prof. Roland Crump:
I don't think they would like that at all.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It's ok, we are poking early.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
I'm sorry Major but I'm not loving you.
Maj. Leep:
Yes, but...
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You see, when I love a man I give him everything, I give it all.
Maj. Leep:
But I don't want it all, I just want a bit.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It's time for knocking off!
Prof. Roland Crump:
Time for what?
[In a heavy Russian accent and in reference to the strip teeze]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It is wrong for a lady to show her kernickers in public, No?
[Professor Vrooshka objects to the strip teeze act at the Caravan site clubhouse]
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
What is lady doing?
Prof. Roland Crump:
It's a kind of dance.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Very perculiar, in my country we don't have dance like this.
Prof. Roland Crump:
No, you have mixed bathing instead.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
But lady is not taking bath.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Must be finding doctors. Man is injured.
Ernie Bragg:
But what man?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Is professor of archaeology. Is bleeding terrible.
Fred Ramsden:
Never mind his qualifications. Is he hurt badly?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
[examining a mosaic of Venus that Crump is excavating] Aah! That is a Wenus, no?
Prof. Roland Crump:
[puzzled] I beg your pardon?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
[emphatically] It is a Wenus!
Prof. Roland Crump:
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Well, that's neither one thing nor another.
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