娇妻摆乌龙 (1974) 5.9

Helen Robbins: You're just jealous. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Of what am I supposed to be jealous? Helen Robbins: You're jealous because Fred has money and can buy me nice things. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: He should buy you electrolysis, Helen, so the Brotherhood-of-TV-Dealers won't think ol' Fred is shacked up with some fat-ass grizzly bear! Check-out Man: $32.79 Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: How do you put 32 dollars and 79 cents in one bag? Check-out Man: Nobody is forcing you to eat madam. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Yeah I know but every time I try to stop I get withdrawal pains. Lady in Supermarket: Oh come on! Let's go, before they raise the prices again. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Listen I'm a dollar, eighty short. Check-out Man: So, put something back. Here, put back this pot roast. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: That is our dinner tonight. Check-out Man: What's the matter with neck bones? They're only 58 cents a pound. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I got people coming for dinner. Is it alright if I give em a pot roast. Check-out Man: Don't get snitty with me. Keep the pot roast if you're trying to impress someone. I was only trying to be helpful. Do these woman appreciate that? They bitch and get snotty. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Here... And here... You take the Froot Loops. You'll love em. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I've asked you a dozen times. If I write a check and I'm overdrawn a few dollars, just call me. Or take the money out of our savings account and put it in our checking account to cover it. We have over $300 in our savings account. Assistant Bank Manager: You're 62 cents over. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: That's what I said: "over". You bounced my check. It's very embarrassing. Assistant Bank Manager: With only $300.62 in your account, should you be eating pot roast. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Look my husbands brother and his wife are coming over for dinner. What's it to you if I give em a pot roast. Assistant Bank Manager: Fiscally speaking, you're eating over your head. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I don't think a pot roast puts us in a jet seat. And you call yourself "a bank that cares", and I really, really doubt that. Assistant Bank Manager: If you don't believe we care, we don't care to have your business. Now, we can just close up your account. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Wait, I didn't say that.

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Assistant Bank Manager

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: It's our fault. We give away free calendars, and piggy banks, and pen and pencil sets. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: You're right, you've spoiled us. Telephone Lady: It's your word against our computer, Mrs. Robbins. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: We did not make a phone call to Yugoslavia. We have never been into Yugoslavia. We do not know anyone in Yugoslavia. And even if we did know someone in Yugoslavia, we wouldn't spend $12 to call em. Telephone Lady: Our computer says you did. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Your computer is a liar! Telephone Lady: That little remark goes right into your file card, which goes into our computer. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: That computer is not God. It makes mistakes, and I will not pay for a phone call that I didn't make. I don't have the money. Telephone Lady: Strange you won't pay us, but you have money for a pot roast. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Well, you caught me. That's what we do. We sit around all day eating pot roast and calling Yugoslavia. Why don't you stick that into your computer and see what it says. Pete Robbins: 3000 bucks and I could make it. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Hello... This is your cousin Henrietta Robbins from Brooklyn... My mother was married to your uncle on your fathers side... Yeah... Everyone says how well you're doing up there in Dallas; and I just called to wish you continued success. We're all so proud of you. Really, it's thrilling... Well, to me it's thrilling. You're thrilling... I've never done anything. It's my husband whose really something. He's always in the centre of things you know. He recently came across a wonderful business opportunity in pork bellies. And we -... Pork bellies... He drives a cab. And his friend Nick, the cab dispatcher, knows why our Secretary of Agriculture is in Moscow... The Russians want to get their hands on all our meat... This is Henrietta Robbins, your cousin... If you could just lend us $3000 for 1 week?... Hello?... Hello?... Hello?... Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: First come the vodka, then the caviar. And then the women. And as soon as they're through with the women they'll make the deal and you'll get your money. Honest I wouldn't lie. You'll get your thirty six hundred dollars. Loanshark: 4000. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: 4000? How come? Loanshark: You're late; and if you don't have it by tomorrow, you're dead. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: This is Henrietta Robbins, your cousin from Brooklyn... How's Dallas?... Great. Look. I hate to bother you again, but um I thought you'd like to know we got the pork bellies. The only thing is now they want 4000, or they're gonna kill me... Pete!... Oh My god, they got Pete! Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I've never cheated before you know. Mrs. Cherry: Cheating is when it's for fun. This is business. Like a doctor seeing a patient. Mr. Coates: We'll play 'Take A Nap'. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: What's that? <

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b>Mr. Coates: Lie down in bed. Pretend your taking a nap. I sneak in, climb into bed, and I touch you. You struggle, but not too hard. You got that? Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Let's see. Bed. Sleep. Touch. Struggle. Not too hard. Mr. Coates: Right! Mr. Coates: Are You sleeping? Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I'm sleeping. Mr. Coates: Struggle. But not too hard. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: OK Mr. Coates: Ready? Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Ready. Mr. Coates: Shh... Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Shh... Mr. Coates: You don't hear me. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I don't hear you. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: You told me to struggle. Mr. Coates: Too hard. Too hard. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Well at least the bleeding has stopped. That's always a good sign. Pete Robbins: My wife borrowed that money. This goes down another buck or so and we're wiped out. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Hi there. This is your cousin Henrietta Robbins from Brooklyn... You'll be glad to hear Pete's alive, but I got to have $5000 for Mrs. Cherry... Pete came home and almost caught the judge. We thought he was dead, and Bernie put him in a trunk... Hello?... Hello?... Hello?... Dominic: Take this package, get on the subway, get off at Borough Hall. Angelo: Now, you'll see a heavy woman dressed just like you. Blonde wig, red hat, sunglasses. Dominic: She'll be carrying a yellow shopping bag. Angelo: You drop the package into her shopping bag. Dominic: And she'll take it to the people we're doing business with. Angelo: Lady, it's a very expensive package. Don't make a mistake. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Borough Hall. Heavy woman. Red hat. Blonde wig. Sunglasses. Yellow shopping bag. Don't make a mistake. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: I got the package. Cop Dressed as Woman: Hmm-mm. Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Anybody watching? Cop Dressed as Woman: Uh-uh. Police! You're under arrest! Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: Oh God. Cop Dressed as Woman: Stop her! Stop her! Stop her! Don't let her get away! Stop her! Hold her! Don't let her go! Henrietta 'Henry' Robbins: No help! There's a pervert after me. Cop Dressed as Woman: Hold her! Don't let her go! Second cop: Hold it sweetheart. I got this dance. Cop Dressed as Woman: Let go! I'm a police officer. Second cop: Where's your badge?