Grandma Steinmetz: Of course I have to humor Herbie. He used to be a famous racing car, but his driver went off to Europe to drive foreign cars, so he's a little sensitive. You can understand that. Willoughby Whitfield: We understand your position Mrs. Steinmetz. That's why Mr. Hawk has authorized... Grandma Steinmetz: Don't tell me you're from Alonzo Hawk? Willoughby Whitfield: Yes. Grandma Steinmetz: Oh, and you have such a nice face. Grandma Steinmetz: Oh Nicole, I want you to meet a gentleman from Mr. Hawk. Nicole Harris: How do you do? [Nicole punches Willoughby in the jaw, knocking him to the ground] Willoughby Whitfield: Please, Miss Harris, I can't believe Uncle Alonzo would do things like that. Nicole Harris: Wait a minute! Uncle? He's your uncle? You rotten spy! [She takes a lobster from the waiter's tray and smacks Willoughby, knocking him over the railing and into the water] Willoughby Whitfield: Uncle Alonzo, I've dropped by to talk to you man to man, so I can look you squarely in the eye. [He dabs makeup around his eye] Willoughby Whitfield: No, I'm wearing make-up because of a black eye. A girl hit me in the face with a boiled lobster the moment I mentioned your name. [Glances at his note cards] Willoughby Whitfield: This same wonderful, intelligent, clear-sighted girl was able to convince me what kind of a person you really are. [Looks at notes] Willoughby Whitfield: I do not hold with your scheme of cheating Mrs. Steinmetz out of her home so that you may build your concrete anthill on the spot where she has known so much happiness. Hm. [Looks at notes] Willoughby Whitfield: I think you are despicable, greedy, grasping, and wholly without principle or pity. [pause] Willoughby Whitfield: I also believe you are not a nice person. Secretary: I'm sorry Mr. Hawk. I called the motel but you're nephew checked out. Alonzo Hawk: What do you mean he's checked out? [Angrily] Alonzo Hawk:
When? Where? Who told him he could check out? How dare he disappear when he knows I'm worried sick? I'll tear his chicken-livered gizzard to pieces! I'll stomp him silly! I'll take this letter knife, and I'll stab that kid right in his ungrateful breastbone! You know me Millicent, normally I'm a kindly, fun-loving fellow! But when I get crossed...
[weakly, slumping down at desk] Alonzo Hawk: I go bananas. Waiter: The giant lobster is very good tonight sir. Uh, of course. No lobster. Nicole Harris: If I do marry Willaby, I'd like the satisfaction of nailing him myself! Willoughby Whitfield: [at the end of his rehearsal speech to his uncle] Please do not send us anymore fruit for Christmas.