Sir Guy Grand adopts homeless bum Youngman to be heir to his obscene wealth, and immediately begins bringing him into the intricacies of the...更多>
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [voiceover, as a £10 note appears onscreen] Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily I have enough for ALL of us. Hamlet: [Laurence Harvey, onstage] "To be..." Youngman Grand, Esq.: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it. Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question." Youngman Grand, Esq.: Shakespeare, right? Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right. Ginger Horton: Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last. [turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book] Ginger Horton: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr Thorndike! Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal? Ginger Horton: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely. Youngman Grand, Esq.: You're certainly puttin' everybody on today, Dad. Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Well, you know, Youngman, sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause. Youngman Grand, Esq.: Cause for pause? Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Yes. Youngman Grand, Esq.: Dad, do you think words corrupt? Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: I don't know, let's try. Agnes? Dame Agnes Grand: [looks up from the television] Yes? Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Nipple. Dame Agnes Grand: Shh! [turns back to the television] Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [watches her a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change. Traffic warden #27: What's your game, Mister? Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket] Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play? Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt. Youngman Grand, Esq.: St. Rembrandt's High.
: [Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race] It would never have happened in my day! Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Nor mine! Youngman Grand, Esq.: Well, it's happenin' in mine! Sir Herbert: [pleads with Laurence, the ship's doctor] If you could please just give me some tranquilizers... Laurence Faggot: Escape into drugs? Mask your fears in an artificial fog? Oh, surely you can't be serious. Sir Herbert: Oh, well... give me some decent English aspirin! Laurence Faggot: [pulls out a lit marijuana joint] Here, Sir Herb, try this. It's just what the doctor ordered. Sir Herbert: What is it? Laurence Faggot: It's cannabis, Sir Herb. [inhales, then, choked] Laurence Faggot: It'll tighten your wig. Hon. Esther Grand: [as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian] Youngman, what IS going on? Youngman Grand, Esq.: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder. Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [on being told a Rembrandt might fetch £10,000 at auction] In that case my final offer is thirty. Mr. Dougdale: [stunned] Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon. Announcer on 'Magic Christian': [as the 'Magic Christian' starts to sink] Go to B-Deck immediately! I repeat: Go to C-Deck immediately! Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [a police car drives up to Grand's car] Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment. Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [Lawrence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet] This chap's taking licence in my view?