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Semyon Gorbunkov:
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27
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I'm not a coward. But I'm scared.
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ffb
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Dog Owner:
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Well, where am I supposed to walk my dog?
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Superintendent:
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You were presented with your own apartment - do your walking in there!
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Gennady:
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Lyolik, he doesn't drink. How am I supposed to get him drunk?
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Lyolik:
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As our beloved Boss says, when someone else is paying, even the nondrinkers and those with ulcer will drink.
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Lyolik:
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As our chief says, if a person is an idiot, it'll last a long time.
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[Giving instructions on how to suddenly approach Gorbunkov; Gennady is wearing an eye-patch, resembling historical Russian military commander during Napoleonic Wars Mikhail Kutuzov]
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Lyolik:
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Give his woman the flowers; the ice cream to the kids. Go and don't screw it up... Kutuzov!
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Man:
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Hey, buddy, do you have a cigarette?
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[Gorbunkov stutters]
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Man:
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What are you, deaf-mute?
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Semyon Gorbunkov:
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[immediately, very clearly and distinctly] Yes!
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Lyolik:
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Drinking champagne in the morning is only for aristocrats. Or degenerates.
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House manager:
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The people of OUR kind do not ride taxi to the bakery!
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Semyon Gorbunkov:
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Slipped and fell, got a closed fracture, became unconscious, when I came through I had this cast on.
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Temptress:
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I'm not guilty! He came on his own!
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[Cops are carrying a body of a passed out drunk, Gorbunkov thinks he is dead]
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Semyon Gorbunkov:
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I should have been in his place!
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Cop:
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Get drunk, then you will be.
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Colonel:
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Why didn't you introduce yourself?
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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Well I wanted to check him out first, see if he'll be alright for this assignment.
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Colonel:
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So, how did your checking go?
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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[Fixing bandaid on his face] He checked out alright.
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[pause]
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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I didn't think he would...
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Colonel:
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With a cast?
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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Exactly. Maybe I should...
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Colonel:
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No, you shouldn't. Did he agree?
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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Yes he did. Now the idea I have is...
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Colonel:
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Don't bother.
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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In that case can I...
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Colonel:
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No, don't.
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Captain Mikhail Ivanovich:
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What about...
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Colonel:
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Yeah, that you might want to try. You've been assigned to this case so do what's necessary.
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Chief:
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In the words of one of my former acquaintances, who is dead now, "I knew too much"
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Lyolik:
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Who called for a cab to go to Dubrovka?
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Lyolik:
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Watch for the signal. As soon as he fells asleep, she'll turn the lights off.
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Gennady:
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What if he leaves now?
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Lyolik:
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Gesha, would you leave such a woman?
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Gennady:
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Not me, but he is a faithful husband.
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Lyolik:
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As our Boss says, there is no such a husband out there who wouldn't dream of being a bachelor again for at least an hour.
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[Laughs hysterically]
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Lyolik:
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Watch for the signal!
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