Ingrid Randall: The FBI has gotten along beautifully all these years without using my room as a piece of operation. Now I want Tom Swift, or whoever that is, and his electric scoreboard, or whatever that thing is, out of my room before this afternoon, or I'm ginna become very difficult. Do I make myself clear? Ingrid Randall: Be careful Gregory, be extremely careful about what you say! I haven't had my coffee yet, and I'm in no mood for stupid, irresponsible remarks. Gregory Benson: Oh. Patti Randall: Now, just a minute, Gregory, D.C.'s a cat! He can't help his instincts. He's a hunter, just like you are. Only he's not stupid enough to stand out in the pouring rain all day! Landlady: Hold it! Who do you think you're kidding? Iggy: What do you mean? Landlady: You think I don't know what's going on upstairs? Iggy: You do? Landlady: I didn't come in from Stupidsville on last night's bus! You've got a woman in that apartment. Iggy: Wow, hold it! What kind of talk is that? Landlady: Don't double-talk me! I've got ears, haven't I? Iggy: It's Dan's mom, you see she came down all sudden like. Landlady: I don't care if it's Pocahontas! Kipp MacDougall(Mrs. MacDougall): I distinctly heard a woman scream! Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): Right, and if you don't get away from that door you're gonna hear another! Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): Good night, old woman! I can't hear a word you're saying, but whatever it is, I disagree with you one hundred percent! Gregory Benson: [Patti answers the door to him, when making an intrusive knock] Okay, where's the duck? Patti Randall: I beg your pardon? Gregory Benson: [shouts] I want my duck! Patti Randall: Your duck? Gregory Benson: If you please. Patti Randall: I'm sorry, Gregory, but I really don't know what you are talking about. Gregory Benson: Oooh! where is that sneaky, miserable guttersnipe! He's got my duck! Patti Randall: What duck? Ingrid Randall: Say! Patti Randall: Shush! Ingrid Randall: What do you mean shush? This is my room! Zeke Kelso: Patti! I'm gonna have to ask you to quiet down, and that goes for you too! Why hello there. Ingrid Randall: Who are you! How do you get off telling me to be quiet in my own room! [Zeke hands her his badge] Ingrid Randall: What's this thing supposed to be, I don't know anything about that stuff.
Zeke Kelso: You mean you want me to trail the cat as if he's a person? Supervisor, Mr. Newton: Unless it would be easier to trail him as a cat! Patti Randall: Canoe, this is just a wild idea, but has it occurred to you that there might be more to life than just surfing and eating? Canoe Henderson: Like what? Patti Randall: Forget it. Zeke Kelso: Miss Randall, I'm afraid you underestimate me. We shall proceed with the pawprinting. Ingrid Randall: You know, that guy has the most attractive way of putting his foot in his mouth! Patti Randall: Couldn't we just once see a nice quiet movie where boy meets girl, they have problems which aren't too weird, they fall in love and live happily ever after? Canoe Henderson: Now, why would you wanna see a lot of unhealthy stuff like that? Patti Randall: I dunno. Maybe just for once, I'd like to go to a movie where I don't get seasick. Canoe Henderson: All right, I'll make you a deal. Well, you go with me to the drive-in Thursday night, and next week I'll take you to one of those happily-ever-after clambakes. Deal? Patti Randall: I guess. Canoe Henderson: Where's the thing playing? Patti Randall: Oh, who knows, maybe they don't even make movies like that anymore. Canoe Henderson: Well sure, and you want to know why? Because people don't wanna be depressed by all that slop. Margaret Miller: I wouldn't make a break. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't... Dan: Okay. But I've got friends. I've got ten little lead-nosed friends in here, and they all run faster than you do, Moms. Patti Randall: Watch the crumbs, fellas! Canoe Henderson: [to D.C. the cat] Pass the word, watch the crumbs. [Canoe sweeps the crumbs under the couch, then wipes his hands off on the drapes] Ingrid Randall: Can you imagine his wife? Mrs. Zeke Kelso... sounds like something that got caught in a clothes dryer. Patti Randall: Cad-sakes, you're bleeding! Zeke Kelso: Oh, it's nothing, probably just an artery. Zeke Kelso: Do you have any regulars, or people going in and out of the house all the time? Patti Randall: Father always complained that we were running a rehab center for punch-drunk juveniles. Zeke Kelso: So, this is the "informant", as we say down at the office. Patti Randall: You hear that, D.C.? You're an informant now. Wilbur MacDougall: Come on back in the house, Snoopy!