Doc Farrington: I know that if a man has a compound fracture and a headache, you put on a tourniquet before you give him an aspirin. Presiding Officer at the Court-Martial: I repeat, the objection is sustained, however, I'd like to agree Doctor. If the medical profession were operated by trained legal minds, the human race would have died out shortly after Adam appeared. Gus Brubaker:
Look, Marge, seven years ago the Air Force and I got what's called a friendly divorce - nothing sentimental, we just shook hands and promised not to write. Now I'd like to leave it that way - please!
Hap Cosgrove: Welcome to Shima. Gus Brubaker: Oh, thank you. Hap Cosgrove: How d'ya like it? Gus Brubaker: Well, I'm not too sure yet. Hap Cosgrove: I'll save ya the trouble. You heard of hell? Well, when it first got started it was a new idea, so they hadda test it out. This here island is the place they picked. Gus Brubaker: In the meantime, is there anyone in the village who speaks English? Capt. Charlie Stark: Nah, them little guys got the wrong kind of bridgework. Gus Brubaker: Well, we're gonna need a Japanese to front for us at the desk. Capt. Charlie Stark: I got it! Harigawa. [calling] Capt. Charlie Stark: Hey, Mushy! Mushy! Mushy, you're gonna be the desk clerk. Gus Brubaker: There's nothing to it! You just greet the guests in Japanese. Pvt. Jim Harigawa: What's from this Japanese? I don't know none. Capt. Charlie Stark: Well, what's the use of being Japanese if you can't say any Japanese? Pvt. Jim Harigawa: I'm from Brooklyn! I don't know nothin' about this cockamamie language. So how about a little Yiddish? Lt. Nora McKay: Marriage is out. Capt. Charlie Stark: What's so out about it? Lt. Nora McKay: You're a sky tramp. Capt. Charlie Stark: No, but that's all over! I'm gonna stick in this Air Force. Lt. Nora McKay: Well, "stick" is the right word! Why do you think you're still a captain? Capt. Charlie Stark: I guess I just can't get any generals to die. Lt. Nora McKay: Oh, it's because you're irresponsible and they know it. Like that time in Washington - they want officers, not jockeys! Capt. Charlie Stark: Great. Once in my life I buzz a little building. How'd I know it was the Supreme Court? Lt. Nora McKay: Well, if you had any sense, you'd stop buzzing around in airplanes. You'd take a desk job. Capt. Charlie Stark: I don't think I could learn to fly a desk. Gen. Weigang: I'm General Weigang, Inspector General's office. Pvt. Jim Harigawa: Oy vey! Doc Farrington: Out of fifty-four girls, he's gotta find the only one with a case of hot kimono. Capt. Charlie Stark: There's a lot of things wrong with me, and one of them is I'm love with ya! I was even crazy enough to wanna marry ya. Lt. Nora McKay: Oh, I can see it now - it'd be a beautiful ceremony, in a vine-covered church with you parachuting through the roof. Capt. Charlie Stark:
Look, don't worry how I get there; you just run your end of the store. All you have to do is sit around looking pretty, rack up a few babies, and keep some cold cans of beer in the icebox.