What happens when the man who knows everything goes on a quiz show that doubles your cash prize every time a you answer a question correctly...更多>
Burnbridge Waters: We have a Frankenstein on our hands, and a very well-informed Frankenstein. He must be stopped.
[Burnbridge Waters is interviewing Beauregard Bottomley for a job]
Burnbridge Waters: I'm thinking of introducing onto the market an all-purpose cake of soap that can also be used to clean teeth. Beauregard Bottomley: [laughs] I see, sort of a foaming at the mouth approach, eh? Burnbridge Waters: [not amused at all] You would have started tomorrow. Beauregard Bottomley: That would have been fine, but aren't we using a strange tense - would have? Burnbridge Waters: No sir, we are not. Caesar (voice): Let's get loaded. [hiccup] Burnbridge Waters: Don't worry. We will... Beauregard Bottomley: If it is noteworthy and rewarding to know that 2 and 2 make 4 to the accompaniment of deafening applause and prizes, then 2 and 2 making 4 will become the top level of learning. Burnbridge Waters: I have an idea. I want to find what the average man thinks of it. Then when we've found out what he thinks of it, we'll change his thinking. Burnbridge Waters: I loathe humor, and you are humorous. Burnbridge Waters: How DARE you fall in love on my time. This is dishonest, treacherous and UN-american. [Burnbridge Waters is attempting to dissuade Beauregard Bottomley from taking his winnings] Burnbridge Waters: For it is my sincere conviction that the only way to be happy is to be poor. Beauregard Bottomley: My dear Burnbridge, I see your point. I am about to make you the happiest man in the world. Gerald: Does Polly want a cracker? Caesar (voice): Polly wants a drink, let's get loaded.*hiccup* Gerald: He says the darnest things, doesn't he? Caesar (voice): How about a short one, how about a short one? Beauregard Bottomley: [to Caesar] You've had your quarter for the day. As I told you before, Gerald, neither I nor my sister taught him these expressions. His former master must have been the greatest reprobate since the emperor Nero. Gwenn Bottomley: We found him one night leaning up against a lamppost. He couldn't remember where he lived. Beauregard Bottomley: He still can't. Gwenn Bottomley: Now we have him down to two drinks a day... soon we'll have him down to no drinks a day. Caesar (voice): SQUAWK. Beauregard Bottomley: Now you have frightened him. Caesar, Caesar... Caesar (voice): CHAMPAGNE. Beauregard Bottomley: No, no, sorry, you must rough it for a while. Happy Hogan: You have five seconds to tell us the Japanese word for goodbye. 1... 2... Beauregard Bottomley: Siyonara. Not to be confused with cyanide, which is, of course, goodbye in any language. <
a name="qt0132912"> Happy Hogan: Is there something special about me that you dislike or do you hate me for myself alone? Beauregard Bottomley: Oh, I don't hate you Mr. Hogan. Gwenn Bottomley: He merely thinks you are the forerunner of intellectual destruction in America. Beauregard Bottomley: Yes, nothing personal. [Happy Hogan leaves coldly when Gwenn is flirting with him] Beauregard Bottomley: You'll never be more spotless, Gwenn, you've been throughly brushed off. Gwenn Bottomley: I think he's quite amusing. Did you notice his wonderful smile? Beauregard Bottomley: Did I? I feel I know each one of his teeth personally. Gwenn Bottomley: You know my brother thinks you are seeing me in order to get information about him. I think so too. Happy Hogan: In other words, I'm a heel? Gwenn Bottomley: Not in other words. Same words. Beauregard Bottomley: I fail to see why the location of birth should be met with applause. Frosty: But she comes from Brooklyn! Frosty: Gee Mr Bottomley, you sure know a lot. Beauregard Bottomley: I not only sure know a lot my dear Frosty, I know everything. Beauregard Bottomley: If you know everything, you're not wanted around for long. Mr. Brown: I've got something right up your intelligent alley. Beauregard Bottomley: [on phone in Flame O'Neal's apartment] Miss O'Neal is having Bottomley trouble! [Slams down phone]