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Champagne for Caesar
(1950)
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剧 情
What happens when the man who knows everything goes on a quiz show that doubles your cash prize every time a you answer a question correctly...
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Burnbridge Waters:
We have a Frankenstein on our hands, and a very well-informed Frankenstein. He must be stopped.
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[Burnbridge Waters is interviewing Beauregard Bottomley for a job]
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Burnbridge Waters:
I'm thinking of introducing onto the market an all-purpose cake of soap that can also be used to clean teeth.
Beauregard Bottomley:
[laughs] I see, sort of a foaming at the mouth approach, eh?
Burnbridge Waters:
[not amused at all] You would have started tomorrow.
Beauregard Bottomley:
That would have been fine, but aren't we using a strange tense - would have?
Burnbridge Waters:
No sir, we are not.
Caesar (voice):
Let's get loaded.
[hiccup]
Burnbridge Waters:
Don't worry. We will...
Beauregard Bottomley:
If it is noteworthy and rewarding to know that 2 and 2 make 4 to the accompaniment of deafening applause and prizes, then 2 and 2 making 4 will become the top level of learning.
Burnbridge Waters:
I have an idea. I want to find what the average man thinks of it. Then when we've found out what he thinks of it, we'll change his thinking.
Burnbridge Waters:
I loathe humor, and you are humorous.
Burnbridge Waters:
How DARE you fall in love on my time. This is dishonest, treacherous and UN-american.
[Burnbridge Waters is attempting to dissuade Beauregard Bottomley from taking his winnings]
Burnbridge Waters:
For it is my sincere conviction that the only way to be happy is to be poor.
Beauregard Bottomley:
My dear Burnbridge, I see your point. I am about to make you the happiest man in the world.
Gerald:
Does Polly want a cracker?
Caesar (voice):
Polly wants a drink, let's get loaded.*hiccup*
Gerald:
He says the darnest things, doesn't he?
Caesar (voice):
How about a short one, how about a short one?
Beauregard Bottomley:
[to Caesar] You've had your quarter for the day. As I told you before, Gerald, neither I nor my sister taught him these expressions. His former master must have been the greatest reprobate since the emperor Nero.
Gwenn Bottomley:
We found him one night leaning up against a lamppost. He couldn't remember where he lived.
Beauregard Bottomley:
He still can't.
Gwenn Bottomley:
Now we have him down to two drinks a day... soon we'll have him down to no drinks a day.
Caesar (voice):
SQUAWK.
Beauregard Bottomley:
Now you have frightened him. Caesar, Caesar...
Caesar (voice):
CHAMPAGNE.
Beauregard Bottomley:
No, no, sorry, you must rough it for a while.
Happy Hogan:
You have five seconds to tell us the Japanese word for goodbye. .. ..
Beauregard Bottomley:
Siyonara. Not to be confused with cyanide, which is, of course, goodbye in any language.
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Happy Hogan:
Is there something special about me that you dislike or do you hate me for myself alone?
Beauregard Bottomley:
Oh, I don't hate you Mr. Hogan.
Gwenn Bottomley:
He merely thinks you are the forerunner of intellectual destruction in America.
Beauregard Bottomley:
Yes, nothing personal.
[Happy Hogan leaves coldly when Gwenn is flirting with him]
Beauregard Bottomley:
You'll never be more spotless, Gwenn, you've been throughly brushed off.
Gwenn Bottomley:
I think he's quite amusing. Did you notice his wonderful smile?
Beauregard Bottomley:
Did I? I feel I know each one of his teeth personally.
Gwenn Bottomley:
You know my brother thinks you are seeing me in order to get information about him. I think so too.
Happy Hogan:
In other words, I'm a heel?
Gwenn Bottomley:
Not in other words. Same words.
Beauregard Bottomley:
I fail to see why the location of birth should be met with applause.
Frosty:
But she comes from Brooklyn!
Frosty:
Gee Mr Bottomley, you sure know a lot.
Beauregard Bottomley:
I not only sure know a lot my dear Frosty, I know everything.
Beauregard Bottomley:
If you know everything, you're not wanted around for long.
Mr. Brown:
I've got something right up your intelligent alley.
Beauregard Bottomley:
[on phone in Flame O'Neal's apartment] Miss O'Neal is having Bottomley trouble!
[Slams down phone]
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