Larson E. Whipsnade runs a seedy circus which is perpetually in debt. His performers give him nothing but trouble, especially Edgar Bergen a...更多>
Whipsnade: I'm taking on the personality of a Mexican jumping bean. First the contortionist gets rheumatism. Then the sword-swallower gets tonsilitis. Hope nothing happens to that fan dancer... not 'til I get rid of this cold, anyway. Whipsnade: You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops. Whipsnade: [sings in shower] I'd rather have two girls / At twenty-one each / Than one girl at forty-two! Man: There's been a mistake in my change. Whipsnade: Ah, at long last, an honest man. Want to return some money? Man: No, I'm short! Whipsnade: Don't brag about it. I'm only five-feet-eight myself. Whipsnade: As my dear old grandfather Litvak said (just before they swung the trap), he said "You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump." Charlie McCarthy: Are you eating a tomato or is that your nose? Edgar Bergen: I've got a good mind to... Charlie McCarthy: Why don't you use it? Whipsnade: Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber. Charlie McCarthy: Oop, I dropped something. Hope it didn't hit anybody. Except one. Whipsnade: [to Charlie] I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you. Whipsnade: This way, ladies and gentlemen, this way. Right up on this platform. The world's greatest novelty. The Pronkwonk Twins! Elwood and Brentwood. Elwood is ten minutes older than Brentwood and has been in a hurry ever since. Ladies and gentlemen, Brentwood is the smallest giant in the world, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science. Whipsnade: [to Charlie] You must come down with me - after the show - to the lumberyard... and ride piggyback on the buzzsaw. Thin Man: Would you like to make a few honest dollars for yourself? Whipsnade: Do they have to be honest? Whipsnade: You know, getting married is like buying a new horse... going into a strange saloon... Whipsnade: Wherever the people speak a civilized tongue, the name of Whipsnade is a household word! Mrs. Sludge: [to Phineas] Does your father play ping pong? Whipsnade: Do I play ping pong? [laughs] Whipsnade:
I didn't get you the first time. I was one-time champion of the Tri-state league and the Lesser Antilles. Didn't know one card from the other when I started... but I stayed up at night marking with a pen.
Mr. Archibald Bel-Goodie: You absent yourself from this house immediately! You pharisee... you pecksniff... you egregious tartuffle! Whipsnade: Tartuffle? Is that good or bad? Mr. Archibald Bel-Goodie: You're a fraud, a charlatan and a rogue, sir! Whipsnade: Oh, is that in my favor?