育婴奇谭 (1938)

Susan Vance:

There *is* a leopard on your roof and it's my leopard and I have to get it and to get it I have to sing.

David Huxley:

Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments.

Susan Vance:

You mean you want *me* to go home?

David Huxley:

Yes.

Susan Vance:

You mean you don't want me to help you any more?

David Huxley:

No.

Susan Vance:

After all the fun we've had?

David Huxley:

Yes.

Susan Vance:

And after all the things I've done for you?

David Huxley:

That's what I mean.

Susan Vance:

Well, don't you worry, David, because if there's anything that I can do to help you, just let me know and I'll do it.

David Huxley:

Well, er - don't do it until I let you know.

[In jail]

Susan Vance:

Anyway, David, when they find out who we are they'll let us out.

David Huxley:

When they find out who *you* are they'll pad the cell.

David Huxley:

How can all these things happen to just one person?

Mrs. Random:

Well, you look perfectly idiotic in those clothes.

David Huxley:

These aren't my clothes.

Mrs. Random:

Well, where are your clothes?

David Huxley:

I've lost my clothes!

Mrs. Random:

But why are you wearing *these* clothes?

David Huxley:

Because I just went gay all of a sudden!

David Huxley:

When a man is wrestling a leopard in the middle of a pond, he's in no position to run.

Alice Swallow:

Oh David, what have you done?

David Huxley:

Just name anything, and I've done it.

[David discovers the leopard in Susan's bathroom]

David Huxley:

Susan, you have to get out of this apartment!

Susan Vance:

I can't, I have a lease.

40

[Limping after losing a heel from one shoe]

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Susan Vance:

I was born on the side of a hill.

David Huxley:

Now, don't lose your head.

Susan Vance:

I've got my head, I've lost my leopard!

David Huxley:

You don't understand: this is *my* car!

Susan Vance:

Your golf ball, your running board, your car? Is there anything in the world that doesn't belong to you?

David Huxley:

Yes, thank heavens, YOU!

[reading letter about new leopard]

Susan Vance:

"He's three years old, gentle as a kitten, and likes dogs." I wonder whether Mark means that he eats dogs or is fond of them?

[first lines]

Prof. LaTouche:

Morning, Miss Alice. My watch is...

Alice Swallow:

Shh. Dr. Huxley is thinking.

[last lines]

Susan Vance:

Oh, David, can you ever forgive me?

David Huxley:

I... I... I...

Susan Vance:

You can! And you still love me.

David Huxley:

Susan, that... that...

Susan Vance:

You do. Oh, David.

David Huxley:

Oh, dear. Oh, my.

[Susan is stealing David's car from the golf course]

Susan Vance:

Now, don't lose your temper.

David Huxley:

My dear young lady, I'm not losing my temper. I'm merely trying to play some golf!

Susan Vance:

You choose the funniest places; this is a parking lot.

[repeated line]

David Huxley:

I'll be with you in a minute, Mr. Peabody!

David Huxley:

Susan, is there any way to cross this stream?

Susan Vance:

Oh, surely it's shallow. We can wade across.

[they both walk into the stream, then fall in after the floor drops off]

David Huxley:

Oh, Susan...

Susan Vance:

The riverbeds change!

Susan Vance:

[watching George the dog dig up what they think is David's dinosaur bone] Oh, look, David, a boot.

David Huxley:

[angrily] A boot.

[picks it up and makes like he's going to swing with it]

Susan Vance:

Don't hit George, David.

David Huxley:

I wasn't going to hit *George*!

Susan Vance:

I won't leave you, David! I love you!

David Huxley:

What?

Susan Vance:

You've just had a bad day, that's all.

David Huxley:

That's a masterpiece of understatement.

2b

David Huxley

ffb

:

A million dollars! Say, that's pretty white of Mr. Peabody, isn't it.

Mrs. Random:

Who is this David?

Susan Vance:

Oh, he's a friend of Mark.

Mrs. Random:

Is that all you know about him?

Susan Vance:

No, I know I want to marry him. He doesn't know it but I am.

Mrs. Random:

Now see here, if you are going to marry him on my money you are very much mistaken. I don't want another lunatic in the family I have lunatic enough all ready. When you going to marry him? What's his name?

Susan Vance:

It's uh Bone

Mrs. Random:

Bones

Susan Vance:

One Bone

Mrs. Random:

I don't care if it's one bone or two bones it's a ridiculous name.

Mrs. Random:

What does he do?

Susan Vance:

He hunts

Mrs. Random:

Hunts. Hunts what?

Susan Vance:

Animals I should think.

Susan Vance:

Oh, I'm caught on something - David, help me, will you?

David Huxley:

Oh, no. That's poison ivy.

Susan Vance:

I bet you wouldn't treat Miss Swallow this way.

David Huxley:

I bet Miss Swallow knows poison ivy when she sees it.

Susan Vance:

Yes, I bet poison ivy runs when it sees her.

David Huxley:

[on the phone] Yes, I did see Mr. Peabody, but I didn't see. That is, I didn't see him really. Yes, I spoke to him twice, but I didn't talk to him.

Alice Swallow:

David, I don't understand. Did you or did you not speak to Mr. Peabody?

David Huxley:

Well... there are some things that are very difficult to explain, Alice.

[Susan is pretending to be a mobster]

David Huxley:

Constable, she's making all this up from motion pictures she's seen!

Susan Vance:

Oh, I suppose I saw you with that ragged old skirt in the motion pictures, did I?

Constable Slocum:

Oh, another woman, eh?

Susan Vance:

Sure, I wouldn't be squealing on him if he didn't give me the run-around with that other twist.

Constable Slocum:

Oh, so he's a lady killer.

Susan Vance:

A lady killer! He's a regular Don Swan. Loves the ladies, don't ya, honey? He pops them off, one, two, three.

[Pretends to open a cork and toss it away]

Susan Vance:

He's a wolf.

David Huxley:

[Claps his head] Oh, so now I'm a wolf!

[Collapses on a cot]

Alice Swallow:

Now once and all, David, must come between you and your work. Our marriage must contain no domestic entanglements of any kind.

David Huxley:

[Stammering nervously] You mean... you mean...

Alice Swallow:

[Firmly<

ffb

/i>] I mean of any kind, David.

Dr. Alexander Peabody:

Dr. Huxley, when I play golf, I only talk golf - and then only between shots.

David Huxley:

[Dadid is trying to prove to Susan that she's playing his ball]

David Huxley:

You see, a PGA has two lines and Cro-Flight has a circle.

Susan Vance:

Mm-hm. I'm not superstitious about things like that.

David Huxley:

[Pointing to a mark on a golf ball] You see, it's a circle.

Susan Vance:

Well, of course, do you think it would roll if it were square?

David Huxley:

[David tripped and sat on his hat] I might have known it was you. I had a feeling just as I hit the floor.

Susan Vance:

That was your hat.

Susan Vance:

What would you say about a man who follows a girl around...

Dr. Fritz Lehman:

Follows her around...

Susan Vance:

...And then when she talks to him, he fights with her?

Dr. Fritz Lehman:

Fights with her... is this young man your fiance?

Dr. Fritz Lehman:

Well, you see, the love impulse in men frequently reveals itself in terms of conflict.

Susan Vance:

[Excitedly] The love impulse!

Dr. Fritz Lehman:

Without my knowing more about it, my rough guess would be, he has a fixation on you, a fixaation that ...

Susan Vance:

No wait, I can't remember any more than that!

Susan Vance:

[to David] You know why you're following me? You're a fixation.

Susan Vance:

You're angry, aren't you?

David Huxley:

Yes, I am!

Susan Vance:

Mm-hmm. The love impulse in men frequently reveals itself in terms of conflict.

David Huxley:

So if you don't mind, Susan, I'll see Mr. Peabody alone, and unarmed.

Susan Vance:

Without me?

David Huxley:

Yes, without you, and *definitely* without you.

Susan Vance:

Now that's all perfectly clear, isn't it?

Dr. Fritz Lehman:

No, it isn't!

David Huxley:

My dear sir, it never will be clear, not as long as she's explaining it!

Susan Vance:

Now, certainly you can't think I did that intentionally!

David Huxley:

Well, if I could think, I'd have run when I saw you!

Susan Vance:

[Susan has torn the back of her dress] Well, get behind me.

David Huxley:

I am behind you.

Susan Vance:

Well, get closer.

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David Huxley:

I can't *get* any closer!

Mr. Gogarty:

[Gogarty, David, and Susan are in jail] Miss Susan! How'd you get here?

David Huxley:

Influence.

Susan Vance:

Don't worry, Gogarty, I'll get you out.

David Huxley:

Oh, sure. Look, she got me out.

Mrs. Random:

[Mrs. Random thinks that David is crazy]

Mrs. Random:

What are you doing?

Susan Vance:

Hunting for George.

Mrs. Random:

But why?

Susan Vance:

[In a rush] David wants him, David loves him, David thinks he's such a nice dog.

Mrs. Random:

Susan, he's a perfect little fiend and you know it!

Susan Vance:

But David doesn't.