Tremont:
[singing over a balcony] When you're dead and buried in the grass. / I'll dig you up and fuck you up the ass! /
Jerry Springer:
Please welcome, Baby Jane.
Baby Jane:
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This is my Jerry Springer moment. / I don't want this moment to die. / So dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians. / I don't want this moment to die.
Jerry Springer:
So, Baby Jane, what is it you want to say to Andrea?
Baby Jane:
[singing] Mama give me smack on the ass hole. / Mama give me smack every night. / Mama give me smack on the asshole. / Everything will be all right.
[to Jesus]
[singing]
Mary:
Where were you when I was on my own? / Where were you when they rolled the stone? / Where were you when I was getting old? / Where you when I was sick and bald? / Where, where, where were you?
Satan:
[singing] Jesus wasn't there, he didn't care!
Eve:
[singing] Where were you when the children cried?
Adam:
[singing] Where were you when the children died?
Jesus:
[singing] Where were you when I was crucified? / Where were you when they pierced my side?
Irene:
There is only one cure for unrequited love... chocolate and howling at the moon.
[looks up at a moon on stage]
Irene:
Awoo! Awoo!
[everyone joins in]
Irene:
Awoo! Awoo! Awoo!
Zandra:
[singing] I remember when we was young. / We had some laughs, we had some fun. / We lived on dreams, we was full of hope, / Until I got addicted to crack and dope, crack and dope.
[spotlight]
[smiles at the audience]
Steve:
[after a long pause] Hi.
[pause]
Steve:
My name's Steve Wilcose. I'm head of security here at The Jerry Springer Show. You know, a lot of people ask me, "What are the hardest fights to break up?" I gotta tell you, it's, uh...
[gestures to Peaches and Zandra]
Steve:
...it's always the women.
[winks at the audience]
Zandra:
[singing] Why'd you tell her, asshole?
Dwight:
[singing] Gotta fess up. Gotta fess up!
Zandra:
[singing] Peaches, it weren't me, it was the blow.
Peaches:
[singing] Shut it, bitch!
Zandra:
[singing] Peaches!
Peaches:
[singing] Crack head!
[to Zandra]
Ensemble:
Slut Junkie!
Chucky:
[singing] Put your fucking clothes on, you stupid bitch!
Shawntel:
[singing] Don't you you touch me! / I'll kill you in your sleep! /
[runs over and pushes him]
Shawntel:
Cocksucker!
[he runs after her]
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:
Talk to the ass! Talk to the ass!
Jerry Springer:
So, Chucky, I take it your not too thrilled with Shawntel's pole-dancing dream?
Chucky:
[singing] She looks like a clown! She looks like a slut!
Shawntel:
[singing] He don't know shit! He never saw me dance! / But he watches other women dance, every night with his buddies.
Chucky:
[singing] If she don't stop, I'll find me another woman.
Shawntel:
[laughs]
[singing]
Shawntel:
What ya gonna do? Buy her? Or drug her?
Chucky:
[singing] Gotta find me something... to replace her tainted, saggy old skin.
Shawntel:
[singing] Good! Good! I'm tired of your little dick flesh. / It's so small I'd get more pleasure from fucking myself, with my own clitoris!
1st Inner Valkyrie:
[appearing on the side balcony of the stage]
[singing]
1st Inner Valkyrie:
Jerry, Jerry!
Jerry Springer:
[to audience] It's OK. It's my inner Valkyrie.
[to her]
Jerry Springer:
How can I help you today?
1st Inner Valkyrie:
[singing] Jerry, let the morons fight, but how dose Jerry sleep at night?
Jerry Springer:
How do I sleep? I sleep on my back, thank you! You know it's easy to occupy the moral high ground, what's more difficult, is to confidently occupy the moral low ground. Now go away!
[she sighs and walks off]
[singing]
Ensemble:
Excuse me, is this the right room for The Dave Letterman Show?
Ensemble:
[singing] You got the wrong room, pal. Loser!
Ensemble:
[singing] Fuck you!
Ensemble:
[singing] Fuck you back!
Ensemble:
[singing] When does it start?
Ensemble:
[singing] How should I know?
Ensemble:
[singing] I hope I get to see some bare breasts.
Ensemble:
[singing] Me too.
Ensemble:
[singing] Why are all men such losers?
Ensemble:
[singing] Nice to see the lesbians in...
All:
[singing] Cocksuckers!
Ensemble:
[singing] I hope there's some fighting.
All:
[singing] Course they'll be some fighting, you stupid asshole!
Ensemble:
[singing] Who are you calling asshole?
All:
You, asshole!
Baby Jane:
[as Jerry enters Hell. Singing over a balcony] 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
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Womens and Devils, incubi and sucubi, and princes and princesses of hell. Welcome for one night only - or perhaps for all eternity. Its bigger than the planet earth, bigger than the biggest big. Biggy biggy biggy big, biggy biggy biggy biggy big! Lo! He comes! Lo! He comes!
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Jerry Springer:
My next guest with a guilty secret is Montel. So Montel what's on your mind?
Montel:
[singing] I've been seeing Andrea here, and we're in love, we're in love, we're in love!
Jerry Springer:
And so what is it you want to tell Andrea?
Montel:
[singing] Well Jerry...
Jerry Springer:
[interrupting] Don't talk to me. Talk to Andrea.
Montel:
[Turns to Andrea. Singing] Baby, I love you, with all of my heart, but there is one thing you could do for me. Which could change my life! Change my life!
Andrea:
[singing] Tell me baby! Tell me baby!
Montel:
[singing] Well baby...
Andrea:
[singing] Tell me baby! Tell me baby!
Montel:
[singing] Well baby...
Andrea:
[singing] Tell me baby! Tell me baby! Tell me baby! Tell me baby! Tell me!
Montel:
[singing] I wanna be your baby!... baby.
Montel:
[singing] You are my Baby, baby.
Montel:
[singing] What I mean is... I wanna be your BABY!
Andrea:
[singing. Confused, after a long pause] ... what?
Montel:
[singing] Be your baby!
Andrea:
[singing] You gotta be kidding!
Montel:
[singing] Be your baba! Be your baby!
Andrea:
[singing] Tell me...
Montel:
[singing] Be your baba! Be your baby!
[Rips his clothes off. He now stands on the stage in nothing but his shoes and a large traditional diaper]
Montel:
I wanna be your baby, baby! B A B with a Y, B.A.B.Y!
Warm-up Man:
Ladies and gentleman / People of most nations of the world
Ensemble:
Go, Jerry / Go, Jerry / Jerry
Warm-up Man:
Welcome the host / Of the greatest show on the earth
Ensemble:
Go Jerry / Go Jerry / Jerry
Warm-up Man:
Bigger than Dave Letterman / Bigger than Bob Hope / and give or take a few million / Bigger than the fucking Pope.
Jerry Springer:
I can't go to hell, I'm Jewish!
Shawntel:
[pole dancing. Singing] I don't give a fuck no more. / If people think I am a whore. / I just wanna dance... I just wanna dance. / Things are going bad for me - I am feeling sad for me. So I just wanna dance, oh, I just wanna dance. / I'm tired of laughing, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of failing and I'm tired of all this trying. / I wanna do some living, coz' I've done enough dying. / I just wanna dance - I just wanna fucking dance!
Jerry Springer:
[to Tremont] Now let me get this straight.
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Jerry Springer:
She says she's his.
[Pointing to Zandra]
Jerry Springer:
She says he's hers.
[Pointing to Zandra and Peaches]
Jerry Springer:
They say he's theirs, I guess you're saying he's yours, so what's going on?
Tremont:
She said that he said that I said, that I said that he said that she said, that they said that she said we both said that he said that I said that YOU said... something or other, I forget!
Ensemble:
For all eternity, you will be, you will be...
Satan:
Fired and flambeéd, baked and sauteéd, steamed and stewed
Ensemble:
then...
Satan:
barbecued!
Ensemble:
then...
Satan:
grilled and roasted!
Ensemble:
then...
Satan:
Lightly toasted!
Ensemble:
Then, then, then, then...
Jerry Springer:
Then what?
Ensemble, Satan:
Fucked up the ass with barbed wire!
Jerry Springer:
Okay that's the down side! What's the up side? If I succeed in this, what's in it for me?
Ensemble, Satan:
NOT getting ass fucked with barbed wire!
Jerry Springer:
What are the hours?复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
