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Strange Things Happen at Sundown
(2003)
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Narrator:
Something strange happens when the sun goes down. It's like a calling to all vampires. There's something in those shadows that makes us come alive. The myth about burning up in daylight always seemed a bit silly to me. But I can see how it got started. We definitely are creatures of the night.
Jimmy Fangs:
He's the guy you call, when you got something, and you don't want to do it yourself. Like throw an old lady off a bridge. Or whack a seven year-old kid. You call the Reaper.
Jimmy Fangs:
I know a guy, who knows a guy, who said his father saw the Reapers face, once. All disfigured. One eye, he says he got.
Joey the Butcher:
Yeah, and I heard he got no skin on his face.'
Jimmy Fangs:
Well, I don't know about that.
[During a Mexican stand-off, between The Reaper, the Narrator, and a blinded, bloodied, helpless Marcel]
Narrator:
Who are you?
The Reaper:
I'm the Reaper. And you?
Narrator:
I don't know. What do you want.
The Reaper:
I came to kill him. And you?
Narrator:
The same.
The Reaper:
Well, I guess he's pretty much fucked, then.
June:
I used to have maids, and servants, and virgin girls every night of the week. Now I have to live in this shitty little house, in this shitty little town, only because you don't make enough money to afford one fucking maid! So the least you could do is to help keep the house clean! Or so help me God, I will tear out your soul, you cocksucker!
Marcel:
I cant believe she shot me in the eye. Do you know how long it takes to re-grow an eye?
Amy:
No.
Marcel:
At least a week.
Amy:
You don't see anything wrong with what you just did?
Marcel:
No, I don't.
Amy:
Marcel, it was a baby. It never did anything to anyone, and you sucked it dry like a piece of fruit.
Marcel:
I had the decency to kill it before eating it. I'm not completely without compassion.
Amy:
I thought we had a hundred grand
Marcel:
We do. But it's gonna be a little hard to spend.
Amy:
Why?
Marcel:
It's all in thousand dollar bills.
Amy:
Oh, that's just great.
Marcel:
Don't sweat it. I know a guy upstate who can help us out. His name is Smooth and him and his wife do that sort of thing.
Amy:
Wait a minute. Your gonna trust your money to a guy named Smooth?
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Marcel
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Come back to me. I miss you.
Amy:
That shit doesn't work anymore, Marcel. I found someone else.
Marcel:
Who?
Amy:
I found Christ.
Marcel:
Are you kidding me?
Amy:
No, I'm not kidding, Marcel. I found Christ, and I'm going to become a good person.
Marcel:
You're a fucking vampire! What the fuck is the matter with you?
Joey the Butcher:
Listen to you, you lazy assed, one fang fuck.
Nicky the Tooth:
Hey. Hey! Don't you make fun of my disability.
Joey the Butcher:
Disability?
Nicky the Tooth:
Yeah, disability.
Joey the Butcher:
Please. Your mothers ass with your disability. You're just too stupid to figure out how to make the other one come out.
Marcel:
[staring at a convulsing victim] I love it when they flop around like that.
Jimmy Fangs:
What's the matter with you?
Joey the Butcher:
What?
Jimmy Fangs:
Why don't you get her out of the bathroom, already.
Joey the Butcher:
And what am I gonna do. Get her a room at the Hilton?
Jimmy Fangs:
No, but you could put her in the spare room. You got her laying on the bathroom floor like a fucking Puerto Rican.
Christopher:
Do you remember your turn?
Cynthia:
Mine was in the eighties.
Jimmy Fangs:
Gee, I would have never guessed.
Cynthia:
I was coming back from a concert. Poison, Trixter and Nelson at the Meadowlands. Bret Michaels was so hot. Anyway, i was trying to get backstage and the asshole bouncer wouldn't let me back. I tried everything. I showed him my tits, offered to suck his dick. Nothing. So there I was in the parking lot, crying my eyes out, and guess who picks me up, right there. Took me back to his apartment. I thought I was getting laid. Instead, the fucker bit me.
Christopher:
She was very sexy when she turned. Sweaty. Squirming around like a cat in heat. Bleeding from every hole. It was nice.
Marcel:
(staring at the sleeping Annabelle) Christian chick, huh? I'll bet you she's one of those real cold bitches who thinks sex is dirty. Yeah. this girl wouldn't know what to do with a dick if you slapped her in the head with it.
Narrator:
I said, do you remember me?
Marcel:
No, should I?
Narrator:
Yeah, you should. You killed my husband, remember?
Marcel:
I killed a lot of husbands.
Amy:
So let me get this straight. You could do whatever you want. Rape and rob and kill people. But, as long as you accept Christ as your savior, you get to go to heaven?
Annabelle:
That's right.
Amy:
So, if Adolph Hitler decided to become a born again Christian, he would go to heaven. Annabelle. That's right.
Amy:
What about Gandhi?
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Annabelle:
What about him?
Amy:
He's Hindu. Where is he?
Annabelle:
Oh, he's probably in hell.
Amy:
Hey. What's your name?
Marcel:
Amy, don't talk to her.
Amy:
Why not?
Marcel:
Because we're only going to be eating her tomorrow.
Amy:
I just want to know what her name is.
Marcel:
Give me the gun.
Amy:
Why?
Marcel:
Just give it to me.
[Marcel puts the gun in Annabelle's face.]
Marcel:
Listen, you fucking cunt. When she asks you a question, you answer it. Now tell her your name, or, so help me, I will blow a hole in your fucking face.
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