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"Less Than Perfect"
(2002)
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Claude Casey:
Can I pull of mysterious and perky? Keep in mind, I will be wearing different shoes.
Lydia:
Your scent is supposed to linger, not change global weather patterns.
Owen:
Now this really steams my broccoli.
Kipp:
Luke. Luke warm. Luke a hazard.
Luke:
Are you going anywhere with this plays off the name Luke thing?
Kipp:
There was a really big finish but I forget it.
Owen:
Sorry I'm late I was busy last night. Damn Book Club!
Ramona:
You know, I don't get how every week you manage to make a bunch of little-old ladies wanna kill you.
Owen:
Well we were supposed to read a book by Stephen Hawking, and I missed the 'haw' part, and read a book by Stephen King. If I hadn't brought in those little hard candies I wouldn't have gotten ought of there alive.
Owen:
If you don't focus... baby will never get out of that corner, you know what I'm saying? I think you do.
Kipp:
Claude...
Claude Casey:
You're welcome, Kipp.
Kipp:
I was going to say: could I borrow $10 for lunch?
Claude Casey:
All those hurtful things they said, you can't take them personally. Some of them they've used before, like, "You should be ashamed of yourself, young man," which is nearly a rip off of, "You should be ashamed of yourself, young lady!" Which was the theme of Mothers Day
Kipp:
I am not here to be CHALLENGED, I'm just trying to HELP you.
Kipp:
Hurry! Quick, quick, quick quick, quick!
Lydia:
Oh my God! Are they coming?
Kipp:
No, it's just really creepy down here, somebody brought a lunch from home!
Kipp:
Sorry to interrupt the Augunklin Round Table, but isn't this the kind of game you play in a Mexican prison?
Owen:
No, what you're thinking of is Pentelonian's 'Caliente.' Which is fun but really there are no winners.
Lydia:
You'd think she rode into work on a donkey.
[It's Valentine's Day and the cafeteria shows it]
Kipp:
Isn't there a single sausage patty that isn't shaped like a heart?
Lydia:
I know. Why does the cafeteria have to recognize this particular holiday? It's not like every Fourth of July they blow the food up.
Kipp:
Hey, is that Owen with a girl?
Lydia:
Oh my God, it is.
[pause]
Lydia:
Should we go and help her?
Lydia:
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So, what, are you and your boyfriend doing something sickeningly sweet today?
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Claude Casey:
Well, we would have, but Charlie had to drive his grandfather's El Camino down to Florida. But, he did send me a dozen beautiful red roses.
Lydia:
Yeah, well, I'm sure they came from one of I-95's *finer* rest-stops.
[The cafeteria is all decorated for Valentine's Day]
Claude Casey:
Isn't it romantic? It's Valentine's Day.
Lydia:
[sarcastically] Really?
Lydia:
No one thinks I'm funny. I think I'm *so* funny.
Lydia:
[to Kipp] My hair looks too good for me to be standing here talking to you.
Lydia:
If you're so damn smart why are you working for a florist?
Lydia:
Wait, Kipp, what if this really is our last moment alive?
Kipp:
Then I should take some stuff off my computer.
Lydia:
We need to have a beautiful, intimate, one-of-a-kind first date story that will make other women say, "God, I hate her."
Jeb Denton:
You really think you need a story for that?
Claude Casey:
So. You and Jeb are like two peas in a pod.
Will Butler:
He was not a good hire.
Claude Casey:
What? I thought that you liked him.
Will Butler:
Not anymore. Did you hear his boat caught on fire?
Claude Casey:
Well, that's terrible. I don't know that's necessarily a character flaw.
Will Butler:
Everybody knows it's my thing to talk about boat problems.
Claude Casey:
Well... hey! Maybe you'll get lucky and your boat will sink.
Will Butler:
Oh, Claude. You always know how to cheer me up.
Ramona:
[Lydia pushes past Ramona in the lunch hall] Hey, there is a line!
Lydia:
And I think you crossed it with that outfit!
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