Greg Warner:
What do you mean you can't kill it? You used to go hunting when you where young!
Jimmy Hughes:
I just liked to chug beer and paint my face!
Jimmy Hughes:
So you and that girl Lisa seem to be getting along.
Marcellas Reynolds:
Yeah, she's sweet.
Jimmy Hughes:
Oh she is fine! I think you have a chance with her.
Marcellas Reynolds:
Jimmy, you do know that I'm gay, right?
Jimmy Hughes:
Oh... Okay... well check out the abs on Nathan.
Nathan Marlow:
I heard what you said about my abs... thanks.
Lisa Donahue:
I heard what you said about my ass... thanks.
Christine Hughes:
[explaining to the babysitter] Ok, this baby monitor will let you keep track of Dominic from the house. Now, if he begins to cry, press this button to turn it off.
Kim Warner:
[following a night of unusually good sex] It was amazing... all the screaming...
Greg Warner:
Yeah... I just hope I didn't wake Sammy.
Gloria:
[Kim and Greg has just found Gloria, their babysitter, on their couch with a guy] Oh, I'm sorry... have you met my husband Guillermo?
Kim Warner:
No, I don't believe I have.
Gloria:
Well, if you do, don't tell him about Lou.
Christine Hughes:
[hands Kim a blender] Here, have your Daquiri maker back.
Kim Warner:
Why, doesn't it work?
Christine Hughes:
Well, yeah, it works just fine, but... do you remember yesterday?
Kim Warner:
Yes.
Christine Hughes:
I don't.
Greg Warner:
Where's Sammy?
Kim Warner:
Up in the room with Dominic and Logan.
Greg Warner:
Really?
Kim Warner:
They asked for three sheets and shut the door. Either they're playing ghosts, building a fort or having a clan meeting.
Greg Warner:
[Sammy has fallen down from the jungle-gym] Does it still hurt, Sammy?
Sam 'Sammy' Warner:
No.
Christine Hughes:
I'm just glad he stopped crying...
Greg Warner:
I was worried about my son!
Jimmy Hughes:
[Greg and Kim are kissing, and Jimmy walks in] Get a room.
Greg Warner:
Get a house.
Mr. Savitsky:
Warner, give me that Bop-It game!
Grandma Nan:
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You were always my favorite, Jimmy.
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Kim Warner:
No, Grandma Nan, that's Greg.
Grandma Nan:
Greg who?
Greg Warner:
Where do you see yourself in twenty years?
Jimmy Hughes:
I don't know. Where do you see me in twenty years?
Greg Warner:
Hopefully just at holidays and other family functions.
Greg Warner:
Hey, what's up?
Kim Warner:
Nothing. Just thinking of names for Jimmy's boat.
Greg Warner:
How about the S.S. Jimmy's An Idiot?
Logan Hughes:
Why do we have to take a bath? We're not dirty.
Christine Hughes:
Logan, in the last hour I've seen you stick your finger up three different nostrils.
Greg Warner:
Great, dinner with Jimmy. It's like "Tuesdays With Morrie" except you don't learn anything, and at the end you want to guy to die.
Kim Warner:
Sammy, why do you keep on scratching your head?
Jimmy Hughes:
Maybe he's perplexed... What? That's a word, right?
Jimmy Hughes:
Wait, I thought you said you would support my decision no matter what!
Christine Hughes:
Yeah! If you made the right one!
Kim Warner:
Every time something goes wrong at work do you want me to put on the Batman cape and fly into town because they upset my Greggy?
Greg Warner:
Actually Batman can't fly.
Kim Warner:
Is that really important?
Greg Warner:
It is to the citizens of Gotham.
Dominic Hughes [#2]:
Can I have some coffee so I don't fall asleep in school again?
Jimmy Hughes:
Dominic, you are six years old, you can't have coffee. Here, drink these Mountain Dews.
Kim Warner:
How is the practice date going?
Dominic Hughes [#2]:
She won't even let me get things started
Kim Warner:
[to Christine] I'll bet no one who's been on a first date with you has ever said that.
Christine Hughes:
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Did you guys clean up your toys in there?
Dominic Hughes [#2]:
No.
Christine Hughes:
Well, go back in there and pick 'em up. You want your mom to trip on a Power Ranger again and break her other ankle?
Logan Hughes:
No, we're sorry.
Kim Warner:
Christine, you broke your ankle trying on slutty shoes at the mall.
Christine Hughes:
Shh! Knowing their mom's a clumsy tramp isn't going to keep their room clean for the next six to eight weeks.
Logan Hughes:
I'm not wearing any of Dominic's old clothes
Jimmy Hughes:
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Now you're being picky? The last three mornings I had to make you spit out Dominic's gum.
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Kim Warner:
I never would've thought of such a... natural method of toilet training.
Christine Hughes:
Well, it worked so well for Dominic, he picked it up in no time.
Dominic Hughes [#2]:
I had to learn in the snow.
Jimmy Hughes:
It's great to see you, Dad. Too bad Mom couldn't come with you.
Big Jimmy Hughes:
Yeah, well, it's the big gin tournament at Sun City this weekend.
Jimmy Hughes:
Gin tournament? I didn't know Mom played gin.
Big Jimmy Hughes:
She doesn't play it; she drinks it. She's got a good chance this year. Last year's champion is waiting for a liver transplant.
Jimmy Hughes:
Well, Dad; this is a good opportunity for you to be around kids.
Big Jimmy Hughes:
Are you kidding? The people at Sun City have their grandchildren running around all of the time. I've never seen so many people wearing diapers changing diapers!
Christine Hughes:
You don't know who Uday and Qasay are?
Jimmy Hughes:
No. I never learned Pig Latin.
Christine Hughes:
I don't like hitting my kids. What are we Bill Cosby.
Kim Warner:
Bill Cosby didn't spank his kids.
Christine Hughes:
Who am I thinking of?
Greg Warner:
Bing Crosby.
Jimmy Hughes:
What's more important to you, playing the game or winning the dog?
Dominic Hughes [#2]:
I want the dog.
Jimmy Hughes:
Give me the hammer.
Realtor:
Hey kids, I'll give you a nickel for every roach you squash.
Logan Hughes:
[later on] Aunt Kim, could you tell Emily to stop eating bugs? She just cost us 15 cents.
Kim Warner:
[Greg and Kim found out that Jimmy and Christine had sex in their bed while house-sitting] You had sex in our bed?
Greg Warner:
Well, yeah, I thought that was a given.
Christine Hughes:
What's the big deal? We left the bedspread on.
Greg Warner:
Oh, no, now I'll have to sit on the dresser to put on my socks!
Jimmy Hughes:
Greg, if you are skipping the bed, you might want to pass on the dresser too.
Kim Warner:
You two are animals! Maybe that wasn't a water leak. Maybe God was trying to throw water on the two of you.
Christine Hughes:
[Smirking] Well, God's name did come up at the end.
Jimmy Hughes:
Oh, and Greg; remember that drawer on your desk you couldn't get open? Try it now.
Greg Warner:
On my desk too?
Jimmy Hughes:
[Smirking] Maybe you just weren't banging on it with the right tool.
Jimmy Hughes:
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Hi everybody! I'm back and I took Dominic to get his hair cut.
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Christine Hughes:
My God, Jimmy! You got him a mullet!
Greg Warner:
[to Kim] He looks like the world's shortest lesbian.
Christine Hughes:
Jimmy, I can't believe you got Dominic a mullet.
Jimmy Hughes:
Why? It's an acceptable haircut. Everybody in our hometown has a mullet.
Christine Hughes:
Jimmy, people in our hometown even give their dogs mullets. This isn't back home, this is LA.
Greg Warner:
Uh, Dominic; you want to go out back and play catch with me?
Dominic Hughes [#2]:
Sure!
[Runs out]
Jimmy Hughes:
Why'd you do that?
Greg Warner:
Well, I didn't think he should hear you two arguing over his haircut. It might break his heart; his 'Achy Breaky Heart'
[Runs from room with Jimmy chasing him]
Kim Warner:
How's Emily?
Greg Warner:
Sleeping like a 'Jimmy'.
Kim Warner:
In that case, she's sprawled on her back with one hand down her diaper.
Greg Warner:
Yeah, in a bed that belongs to us.
Jimmy Hughes:
[Jimmy and Greg are leaving to vandalize a neighbors house] Ok, the men are leaving to fight this battle. It would be nice if the women would greet us appropriately when we return.
Christine Hughes:
I'll be waiting in bed with a grilled cheese sandwitch
Jimmy Hughes:
[Looking at Greg] Let's go!
Greg Warner:
[Greg and Kim developed a roll of film that had nude pictures of Jimmy and Christine] There were a lot of things I hoped I'd never see and three of them are hanging from Jimmy.
[Smiling]
Greg Warner:
Christine did look good though.
Kim Warner:
[Looking at Greg] Shut up!
Christine Hughes:
Look, the governor is chasing some guy around the basketball court. Natalie, isn't that Tom running around and making a fool out of himself?
Natalie:
[Never looks up from her magazine] Yep.
Christine Hughes:
You didn't even look!
Natalie:
[Turning a page] Don't have to.
Jimmy Hughes:
[Greg and KIm are getting ready to go out] Hey, hey; all dressed up and ready, huh?
Greg Warner:
Jimmy, you are seeing the being of a great and wonderful Valentine's Day.
Christine Hughes:
As long as I don't have to see the end.
[to Jimmy]
Christine Hughes:
Can you imagine watching those two skinny little bodies naked? It would be like watching a praying mantis having sex with a cricket.
Jenny Ludke:
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[Someone knocks on the door to the dressing room during the wedding video followed by a protracted period of coughing and hacking] 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
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Ah, I see the mother of the groom has arrived.
Greg Warner:
So, Curtis; you went to college?
Curtis:
Yeah, for about a year and a half; then the money ran out so I went to ask my mom for money and that's how I wound up in jail.
Greg Warner:
It's not a crime to ask your mother for money for college.
Curtis:
It is if your mother is a bank teller and you're holding a gun on her while asking.
Jimmy Hughes:
[Greg has agreed to do a favor for Jimmy] Thanks, Greg; you'd really do that for me?
Greg Warner:
Sure, no big deal. It's not like you asked me to help you move; although I am always available to help you move.
Jimmy Hughes:
I know; you put that on our Christmas card. Losing five minutes of sleep won't kill me.复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
