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- 片 名我好朋友的女友
- 上映时间2008年10月09日(比利时)
- 导 演
霍华德·达奇
-
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Tank:
[sitting watching "Ghost" and crying] God, I'm a fag.
Tank:
She's gonna cry tears that form "call Dusty".
Professor Turner:
The truth will set you free but before it does; It's gonna piss you off!
Tank:
I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in.
Alexis:
Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes.
Professor Turner:
One of my teaching assistants and a very, very hard working woman. [teaching assistant exits [ Last night I fucked her to within an inch of her life. True story. I'm champin' her, head through the headboard, and I flip her over and she screams give me a choker. I play the choir boy and say what's that? Starwiped her five minutes later and she's bugging like an epileptic at a strobe light convention. Now I'm getting scared and as I'm working out the 911 phone call in my head she goes
[makes farting noise motioning away from mid section]
Professor Turner:
like an airbag. And that was Tuesday night.
Tank:
The only funny thing that will ever come out of you, is me!
Tank:
I tried like a motherfucker to follow you in. But this door does like a lock thing when you are inside. Anyway here is what I'm thinking, we start with a blow job. I turn what most girls think is a chore into a training session.
Tank:
Is that your phone? Want to Answer your phone? Or are you most interested in me right now? Answer your phone! Oh no wait that is my phone.
Tank:
How was I suppose to know it was your sister? How was I suppose to know? It was dark, I was drunk and I thought it was you. Oh she's pregnant,too? You tell your sister, I will make a donation to planned parenthood in her honor.
Tank:
She could use a little more famine and a little less fried.
Rachel:
Tank, okay since you have yet to ask me anything at all. I should tell you a little bit about myself, I'm a social worker, yea I know what you are thinking, It is challenging work but so important.
Tank:
Woah there big time. I'm a customer satisfaction rep at Airmaster air filtration systems. That is important work because without air we couldn't breath.
Tank:
Look at you all white and thin. I bet if I laid you on this bar she could snort you.
Tank:
Whats the plan for tonight? Bring this girl back here. Pop open a bottle of chloroform. Insert tab A in slot b, repeat as necessary.
Tank:
[Holding up number from Alexis, who he just met] Daddy bee's got the honey.
Ami:
If and buts were cocks and nuts, I'd be getting gang banged right now.
Ami:
Pretend it is a year aboard. Instead of going to Europe. You are just going to bang a shitload of dudes.
Alexis:
She's my roommate.
Tank:
I bet she gives great head.
Dwalu:
Treat her like a bowling ball
[likes three fingers]
Dwalu:
STRIKE!
Tank:
How do I bump into her?
Craig:
She's a high school English teacher.
Tank:
I can't really hang around high school these days unfortunately.
Tank:
You are what we call a two bagger. That means I wear a bag on my head, just in case the one in you breaks.
Tank:
[Addressing Alexis] Well at least I can hide my shame in my pants. What really sucks is having the ass the size of a miniature Mediterranean donkey.
Dustin:
What about frosting my tips?
Tank:
What are you, a mini wheat?
Tank:
[after Dustin's eyebrow has been buzzed off] We can fix this right?
Burt:
Oh sure, why don't we just pop back into my DeLorean.
Professor Turner:
She fucks like an epileptic at a strobe light convention.
Professor Turner:
Making love? what is wrong with you? what is this some red book interview?
Hilary:
You're like the anti-cupid.
Professor Turner:
See I always knew your mom was the best it was ever going to get for me. And I never asked the more important question which is, was I the best it was ever going to get for her?
Tank:
I would part you like the red sea and let you call me Moses. I would open you up like a public pool on memorial day.
Tank:
What do you call that stuff AJ?
AJ:
"Afganhi cusho kryptonite".
Tank:
Killed Superman - I'm just a man
Ami:
You really like a super special kind of asshole?
Tank:
And I ride the special kind of asshole bus to school.
Tank:
I bet back in the day you were one hot slice of fuckberry pie.
Merrilee:
You bet your sweet ass I was.
Tank:
You can stop trying to be clever Alexis because the funniest thing that will ever come out of you is me.
Tank:
If I do this I'm gonna make it the finest tanking of my career, my bloody fucking masterpiece. Dusty she's going to lose her shit like a shit collector with amnesia. I'm talking about a Turkish twist epic mind FUCK of a tanking. Ok? Her brain is going to be rocking back and forth in the shower for like 3 weeks
[makes whimpering noise]
Tank:
. Ok? I'm talking about demonic fucking Tank. I'm going to be flying up into the sky. She's going to cry tears that form call Dusty on the ground. Yes? Am I doin' it? Tell me I'm doin' it!
Heavily Pierced Kid:
Welcome to Cheesus Crust where pizza's a religious experience. How may I ordain your order?
Tank:
How is the Pizza of Nazareth?
Heavily Pierced Kid:
People worship it.
Hilary:
I am deeply offended.
Tank:
I know these prices are outrageous which is why I carry my Flavor Savior Card; fifteen percent off to those who eat here religiously.
Kindly Stripper:
When it comes to love, there is only one thing you can trust. It's not your friends. It's not your head. Its that little voice inside your clamburger.
[In a different voice]
Kindly Stripper:
Listen to me
Tank:
Look at me. You look like Chewbacca and Sasquatch had a baby, and that baby took a shit, and that shit was blinded in a knife fight moments before styling your hair.
Tank:
Weddings, they get me hot and hard know what I'm sayin'? What you got goin' on down there? BOOM!, I want that in my fuckin' mouth.
Lizzy:
Hey, Alexis sent me to go look for ya so let's go.
Tank:
Just havin' a little chit chat with my friend. Takin' a breather, breathing. Fuckin' gotdamn what do ya call that shit AJ?
AJ:
Afghani coush krytonite.
Tank:
Kryptonite killed Superman, I'm just a man.
Lizzy:
You really are like a super special kind of asshole, aren't you?
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