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杰夫的特别圣诞

杰夫的特别圣诞 (2008) 5.0

Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special

2008-11-16(美国)| 喜剧| 美国
上映时间:2008-11-16(美国) 类型: 喜剧
国家/地区:美国 
评分: 力荐
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    杰夫再次为我们带来圣诞的特别节目。而且今年更‘特别’。这次他把电影的主题放在旅游题材方面。他也带来了许多他的朋友们,包括Walter,Bubba和Peanut。他们将会带我们度过一个快乐的圣诞。

经典台词

advertisement Peanut: You know how else I know you do drugs? Because your looking in my eye and you actually think I'm looking back. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: My life sucks. Jeff Dunham: Maybe you should talk to somebody who's had trouble in their lives as well. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I don't know anybody like that. Jeff Dunham: You could talk to Walter. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [Gasps] He's not around here, is he? Jeff Dunham: Well yeah, he's back stage. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [Shudders] Jeff Dunham: Why are you afraid of Walter? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: He's one mean son of a bitch. Jeff Dunham: Well, I'm sorry you're frightened of him. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Thanks Jeff Dunham: Can I do anything for you? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Really? Jeff Dunham: Yeah, whatever. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Could you hold me? I'm not kidding, just a little bit. Jeff Dunham: [Holds Achmed] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Is that Aqua Velva? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Oh crap, not again. [Looks at his feet] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Apparently I have polio too. Jeff Dunham: Well, anybody with poliosis should certainly... Oh wait. [laughing] Jeff Dunham: Wait a minute. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: What the fuck is poliosis? Jeff Dunham: [reading "The Night Before Christmas"] "... and all through the apartments, / Not a creature was stirring..." Peanut: Except for the asshole in 2B. They're drunk and hitting each other with menorahs. Oy vey! That's Jewish for "Holy shit!" Nothing funnier than throwing in a couple of "holy shits" in the middle of "The Night Before Christmas," huh? Jeff Dunham: Jos? what do you want for Christmas? Peanut: I think he needs a bigger stick. José Jalapeño on a Stick: That's not what your mother said! Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Killing people is easy. Being politically correct is a pain in the ass. Jeff Dunham: [Dunham is laughing very hard at what Achmed said and Guitar Guy is laughing too and looks at Dunham] Don't look at me! Achmed the Dead Terrorist: That's what she said! Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [singing to the tune of "Jingle Bells"] Dashing through the sand, / With a bomb strapped to my back, / I have a nasty plan / For Christmas in Iraq. / I got through Checkpoint A, / But not through checkpoint B. / That's when I got shot in the ass / By the U.S. military. [the audience applauds] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [spoken] Silence! I'm not finished! [audience laughs] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: And this is a sad song! [singing] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Oh, / Jingle bombs, jingle bombs, / Mine blew up, you see. / Where are all the virgins / That Bin Laden promised me? / Oh, / Jingle bombs, jingle bombs, / U.S. soldiers shot me dead. / The only thing that I have left / Is this towel upon my head. / I used to be a man, / But every time I cough, / Thanks to Uncle Sam, / My nuts keep falling off. [Dunham and Guitar Guy look at where Achmed's groin should be] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [spoken] Stop looking, you perverts! [to a woman in the audience] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: You can look, badonkadonk chick. And I have an Irish wiener. It's magically delicious! [to Dunham] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Okay, that's funny. I give you that one. That was good. [singing] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: My bombing days are done. / I need to find some work. / Perhaps it would be much safer / As a convenient store night clerk. / Oh, / Jingle bombs, jingle bombs, / I think I am screwed. / Don't laugh at me because I'm dead / Or I kill you! [reading "The Night Before Christmas"] Jeff Dunham: "'Twas the night before Christmas..." Peanut: And all the Jews were at the movies! Peanut: [singing to the tune of "O Tannenbaum"] Oh, Jef-fa-fa, Oh Jef-fa-fa, / Without me, you would su-ca-ka. / Oh, Jef-fa-fa, Oh, Jef-fa-fa, / You are my bitch! Jeff Dunham: Hello Achmed Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [whispers] Shh! Don't call my name! Jeff Dunham: Why not? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I am incognito [waits a moment] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [With a nasty laugh] I have now successfully blended into your society... Thanks to this master disguise [frowns] Walter: [Looking around the theatre] They did a hell of a job painting the gym! [Looks up at the top balcony] Walter: Hello up there! Jump! Jeff Dunham: So how was the skiing? Peanut: Great! José Jalapeño on a Stick: I had to snowboard. Jeff Dunham: [asking about the ski trip where Achmed broke his leg] So, when did this happen? Peanut: During the avalanche... Jeff Dunham: Avalanche? José Jalapeño on a Stick: Achmed started it. Peanut: We told him not bring that bomb! Jeff Dunham: [Jeff looks at Peanut in disbelief] He had a bomb? José Jalapeño on a Stick: On a stick. Jeff Dunham: [Jeff is once more looking around in disbelief] And why did Achmed have a bomb? José Jalapeño on a Stick: I think he's a work-o-holic... Jeff Dunham: So what happened after the avalanche? José Jalapeño on a Stick: We were trapped in the snow for three days. Jeff Dunham: Wow. Did you have anything to eat? Peanut: [whispering to Jeff] A Jalape駉... [nods at Jos椟/i>] Jeff Dunham: What I'd like to do is something that's been a tradition every Christmas Eve in my family for many years. Peanut: We're going to get drunk and throw up. [laughter] Jeff Dunham: [speaking to Jose] How do you celebrate the holidays? José Jalapeño on a Stick: We wake up in the morning... Peanut: And then they take a nap. Jeff Dunham: [reading "The Night Before Christmas"] "'Twas the night before Christmas..." Peanut: And all the Jews were at the movies! Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I've got a favor to ask of you, infidel. Jeff Dunham: What? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: When we're finished here, will you come caroling with me? [laughter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: What? Jeff Dunham: You go Christmas caroling? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Oh, yes. I love to Christmas carol. Jeff Dunham: Like, what do you sing? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Umm... "Bin Laden is Coming to Town." [laughter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: "O Holy Crap." [laughter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [to the tune of "O Holy Night"] Oh, holy crap. I think I blew my foot off. [laughter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: And then my favorite: "SILENCE! Night." [laughter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Thank you. And then I've got another one: "Jingle Bombs." Would you like me to sing "Jingle Bombs"? Jeff Dunham: You can sing? Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Oh, yes. Jeff Dunham: All right. What the heck? [after Guitar Guy plays a short string of stereotypical Arabic music] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: You racist bastard! [laughter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Is that what you think I like? [laughter] Jeff Dunham: Jose does not run to the border. Peanut: You're right. He goes "doing, doing, doing doingdoingdoing." [laughter] Jeff Dunham: [Peanut and Jose told Jeff they all went skiing] So how did the trip go? Peanut: It was a disaster. José Jalapeño on a Stick: Si. Jeff Dunham: What happened? Peanut: Achmed broke his leg. José Jalapeño on a Stick: The bone was sticking out. Peanut: It's always sticking out. Jeff Dunham: Did you put a splint on it? Peanut: Of course. Jeff Dunham: What'd you use? José Jalapeño on a Stick: Me. Jeff Dunham: [In The Christmas Tips Feature] Remember, never use electric lights on a metallic Christmas tree. Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Or the tree could EXPLODE and then you'd look like me. [laughs Evilly] Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Merry Christmas, infidels!

杰夫的特别圣诞

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