Bugs Bunny:
[bitter] Yeah, the turtle always wins. How does he do it? I can't understand it. It's against the laws of nature. Why, it just ain't in the cards. A turtle beating me, a rabbit! A natural speed merchant! Why, I'm in the pink. Yeah, I'm an athlete. I've got an athlete's physi-que. Sure! I've got an athlete's legs. Certainly! I even got athlete's foot. How does that moron do it? I'll find out his secret if is the last thing I ever do! And I will, too.
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[Bugs is at Cecil's door, disguised as an old man]
Cecil Turtle:
Hello, old timer.
Bugs Bunny:
Hello, Johnny. Tell me, Johnny. How come you always beat that rabbit?
Cecil Turtle:
Clean living, friend. Clean living.
Bugs Bunny:
That ain't the way I heard it, Johnny. The way I heard it, you have a secret way of winning. What is it, huh?
Cecil Turtle:
Well, I'll tell you. The secret is modern design. You know, streamlining. Yup, we turtles are built for racing.
[Bugs types on a typewriter hidden on his beard]
Cecil Turtle:
[Pulls out a blueprint of his shell] You can see for yourself, we got an airflow chassis. Yes siree, Pop. An airflow chassis.
[Taps his shell]
Cecil Turtle:
Now take rabbits. They're built all wrong for racing.
[Bugs types some more]
Cecil Turtle:
Those ridiculous ears. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Wind resistance, son. Just wind resistance
[Bugs types some more, then Cecil resets the typewriter for him; He closes the door, then comes back out again]
Cecil Turtle:
Another thing: rabbits aren't very bright, either.
[Closes door]
Bugs Bunny:
Oh, that little so-and-so!
Mrs. Turtle:
Who was it, Cece?
Cecil Turtle:
Well, sweetie face, it was that rabbit again. I think he's about ready for another race.
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Rabbit Bookee:
We're betting everything we got on the rabbit to win. In fact, we don't even think that the turtle will finish. Do we, boys?
Rabbit Thugs:
[Brandishing weapons] Eh, no, boss. No.
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Cecil Turtle:
Time's a-wasting, speedy.
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Bugs Bunny:
Hey, look, folks! I'm ahead! I'm in the lead! I'm gonna win, yeah! Hooray for the rabbit! Hooray! Look at me go! Look at me go!
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Bugs Bunny:
You fools! What are you doing? I'm the rabbit! The rabbit! Look, I'm the rabbit!
Rabbit Thugs:
Eh, now he tells us.
[shoot themselves in the head]
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[Bugs, who is disguised as the turtle, gets ambushed and attacked by the thug rabbits, who think he really is the turtle]
Rabbit Thugs:
[attacking Bugs] Take that, ya dirty turtle! Take that!
Bugs Bunny:
Turtle, shmurtle! I'm the rabbit!
Rabbit Thugs:
You're the turtle!
Bugs Bunny:
Rabbit!
Rabbit Thugs:
Turtle!
Bugs Bunny:
Rabbit!
Rabbit Thugs:
Turtle!
Bugs Bunny:
Rabbit!
Rabbit Thugs:
Turtle!
[Cecil is standing nearby, dressed as a rabbit and chomping on a carrot]
Cecil Turtle:
Yep, that's the turtle all right.
[Cecil continues on with the race, hopping along and cheered on by the thug rabbits]
Rabbit Thugs:
Hooray for the rabbit! He's my boy! Woohoo!
Cecil Turtle:
[to audience] I told you rabbits aren't very bright.
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Rabbit Thugs:
[after spotting Bugs run by in his turtle suit] Uh, duh, duh hey you's guys here comes the toitle!
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