advertisement Alexander Bullock: We've got to come to an understanding right now: either Carlo is or I am. Angelica Bullock: Am what? Alexander Bullock: Well, one of us has got to and that's all there is to it. Blake: Take a look at the dizzy old gal with the goat. Alexander Bullock: I've had to look at her for 20 years - that's MRS. Bullock! Blake: I'm terribly sorry! Alexander Bullock: How do you think I feel? Godfrey: Do you think you could follow an intelligent conversation for a minute? Irene: I'll try. Irene: You have a wonderful sense of humor. I wish I had a sense of humor, but I can never think of the right thing to say until everybody's gone home. Alexander Bullock: All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people. Master of Ceremonies: Are you wanted by the police? Godfrey: That's just the trouble. Nobody wants me. Godfrey: May I be frank? Molly: Is that your name? Godfrey: No, my name is Godfrey. Molly: All right, be frank. Godfrey: Why can't you let me alone? Irene: Because you're my responsibility and someone has to take care of you. Godfrey: I can take care of myself. Irene: You can't look me in the eye and say that. You love me and you know it. You know, there's no sense in struggling against a thing when it's got you. It's got you and that's all there is to it - it's got you! Angelica Bullock: If you're going to be rude to my daughter, you might as well at least take your hat off! [tt the city dump] Irene: Could you tell me why you live in a place like this when there's so many other nice places? Godfrey: You really want to know? Irene: Oh, I'm very curious. Godfrey: It's because my real estate agent felt that the altitude would be very good for my asthma. Irene: Can you butle? Godfrey: Butle? Irene: Yes, we're fresh out of butlers. The one we had left this morning. Godfrey: The only difference between a derelict and a man is a job. Irene: [about Godfrey] He's my proteg? Godfrey: Do you mind telling me just what a scavenger hunt is? Irene: Well, a scavenger hunt is exactly like a treasure hunt, except in a treasure hunt you try to find something you want, and in a scavenger hunt you try to find something that nobody wants. Godfrey: Hmm, like a forgotten man? Irene: That's right, and the one who wins gets a prize, only there really isn't a prize. It's just the honor of winning, because all the money goes to charity, that is, if there is any money left over, but there never is. Godfrey: Well, that clears the whole matter up beautifully. Godfrey: Does the butler have quarters here in the house, or is that necessary? Molly: Oh, you won't need any quarters. Just hang your hat near the door so you can get it quickly on the way out. Molly: Mr. Bullock, there's a hansom cab driver waiting to see you in the kitchen. Alexander Bullock: What's he want? Molly: He wants $50 and his horse. Alexander Bullock: What horse? Molly: The one Miss Irene rode up the front steps last night. Alexander Bullock: Where is his horse? I haven't got it! Molly: It's in the library, where Miss Irene left it. Alexander Bullock: I've just been going over last month's bills, and I find that you people have confused me with the Treasury Department. Cornelia Bullock: Oh, don't start that again, Dad. Alexander Bullock: I don't mind giving the government 60% of what I make. But I can't do it when my family spends 50%! Irene: Well, why should the government get more money than your own family? Cornelia Bullock: Will you do me a big favor? Faithful George: Who do you want killed? Cornelia Bullock: I'll do my own killing. Angelica Bullock: What happened, what did you say to Carlo? Alexander Bullock: I said goodbye. Angelica Bullock: Did he go? Alexander Bullock: Yes he left very hurriedly through the side window Angelica Bullock: You mustn't come between Irene and Godfrey. He's the first thing she's shown any affection for since her pomeranian died last summer. Godfrey: These flowers just came for you, miss. Where shall I put them? Irene: What difference does it make where one puts flowers when one's heart is breaking? Godfrey: Yes, miss. Shall I put them on the piano? Godfrey: Hasn't anyone ever told you about certain proprieties? Irene: You use such lovely big words. I like big words. What does it mean? Godfrey: Well, I'll try to simplify it. Hasn't your mother or anyone ever explained to you that some things are proper and some things are not? Irene: No she hasn't. She rambles on quite a bit, but then she never has anything to say. Angelica Bullock: My ancestors came over on the boat. Oh, not the Mayflower, but the boat after that. What did your ancestors come over on, Godfrey? Godfrey: As far as I know, they've always been here. Angelica Bullock: They weren't Indians, I hope. Godfrey: One can never be sure of one's ancestors. Angelica Bullock: You know, you have rather high cheek bones... Angelica Bullock: Oh, Alexander, you missed all the excitement. Alexander Bullock: What's going on? Angelica Bullock: Oh, let me see. I knew what it was I wanted to say, but somehow it slipped my mind. Alexander Bullock: What's the matter with Irene? Angelica Bullock: Oh, yes, that's it. Irene's got herself engaged! Alexander Bullock: To whom? Angelica Bullock: Oh, I don't know, Van something-or-other. I think he's the boy with his arm around that girl in pink. He's got lots of money. Alexander Bullock: Well, he'll need it. Detective: [notices Carlo by the french doors] Who's that? Irene: It's mother's proteg? Detective: No wisecracks. Is that your son? Alexander Bullock: That? Say, listen. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I'll be hanged if I'll plead guilty to that! Detective: Just a minute, sister! Molly: If I thought that were true, I'd disown my parents. Detective: [chuckles] So you got a passion for jewelry, huh? Molly: Yes... I got a passion for socking cops. Detective: Where are they? Molly: Most of them are in cemeteries. Irene: I went to Venice, and one night I went for a ride in one of those rowboats that the man pushes with a stick. Not a matador. That was in Spain. But something like a matador. Godfrey: Do you, by any chance, mean a gondolier? Irene: That was the name of the boat! Godfrey: That's most of your stock. I knew it had been dumped on the market, so I sold short. Angelica Bullock: I don't understand. You sold short. You mean gentlemen's underwear? Irene: Life is but an empty bubble. [Irene poses dramatically] Cornelia Bullock: Oh, I remember that pose so well. I learned it in Dramatics School. It's Number 8 isn't it? Faithful George: Yep, that's Number 8 all right. Cornelia Bullock: Am I spoiling your act, dear? Irene: [under her breath to Cornelia] I'll spoil something of yours someday and it won't be your act! Alexander Bullock: Life in this family is one subpoena after another. Irene: Godfrey loves me! He put me in the shower! Irene: Godfrey's gonna be our butler. Angelica Bullock: He's gonna be who's butler? Irene: He's gonna work for us. Angelica Bullock: Oh, that's ridiculous. You don't know anything about him. He hasn't any recommendations... Irene: Well, the last one had recommendations and stole all the silver. Angelica Bullock: Well, that was merely a coincidence. Godfrey: People who take in stray cats say they make the best pets, madam. Angelica Bullock: I don't see what cats have got to do with butlers. Cornelia Bullock: You can't go on like this forever. You really like me and you're afraid to admit it, aren't you? Godfrey: You want me to tell you what I REALLY think of you? Cornelia Bullock: Please do. Godfrey: As Smith or as a butler? Cornelia Bullock: Choose your own weapon. Godfrey: You won't hold it against me? Cornelia Bullock: It's your day off. Godfrey: Very well. You belong to that unfortunate category that I would call the "Park Avenue brat". A spoiled child who's grown up in ease and luxury... who's always had her own way... and who's misdirected energies are so childish that they hardly deserve the comment, even of a butler on his off Thursday. Cornelia Bullock: [hurt and angry] Thank you for a very lovely portrait. [Molly - the maid - brings drinks in to the living room where the police are questioning the family about the pearls] Detective: Who are you? Molly: Guess. [last lines] [Irene is getting ready to marry a surprised Godfrey] Irene: Stand still, Godfrey. It'll all be over in a minute. Irene: I'm terribly grateful. This is the first time I've ever beaten Cornelia at anything and you helped me do it. Godfrey: Well, that makes me a sort of Cornelia beater doesn't it? Godfrey: Opportunity is just around the corner. Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner. Irene: That's a lovely view of the [Brooklyn] Irene: bridge. Is it always there? Godfrey: Most of the time.