advertisement The Doctor: As appealing as that sounds, I'm a doctor, not a dragonslayer. Captain Janeway: There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew. Tuvok: You're in love with a computer subroutine? [repeated line] The Doctor: Please state the nature of the medical emergency. The Doctor: Please state the nature of the medical - oh, it's you. [after Seska is unmasked as a Cardassian spy] Seska: I did it for you. I did it for this crew. We are alone here, at the mercy of any number of hostile aliens, because of the incomprehensible decision of a Federation captain. A Federation captain who destroyed our only chance to get home. Federation rules. Federation nobility. Federation compassion? Do you understand, if this had been a Cardassian ship, we would be home now. We must begin to forge alliances. To survive, we must have powerful friends. The Kazon-Nistrim were willing to be our protectors in return for some minor technology. Captain Janeway: We're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job. Captain Janeway: Who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics? Jarvin: In case you want to take over the ship... you have our full support. Chakotay: If I ever hear you talk that way again, I will personally throw you in the brig for mutiny. B'Elanna Torres: How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations? Seven of Nine: There is no one on deck 9 section 12 who does not know when you're having intimate relations. Captain Janeway: Mind melds... the last time I heard the words "my mind to your mind", I had a headache for two weeks. The Doctor: I'll complain if I want to. It's comforting. Neelix: I feel like I'm all alone. The Doctor: You *are* all alone. I'm only a holographic projection. Seven of Nine: You will be assimilated. Neelix: No time for that now. Maybe later. Seven of Nine: You would deny us the choice as you deny us now. You have imprisoned us in the name of humanity yet you will not grant us your most cherished human right - to choose our own fate. You are hypocritical, manipulative. We do not want to be what you are. Return us to the Collective! Captain Janeway: You lost the capacity to make a rational choice the moment you were assimilated. They took that from you. And until I am convinced you've gotten it back, I'm making the choice for you. You're staying here. Seven of Nine: Then you are no different from the Borg. The Doctor: Seven. Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Seven of Nine: I have a date. Tuvok: Shall I flog them as well? Captain Janeway: I have a boyfriend that malfunctions. Chakotay: You were working for her. She was working for them. Was anyone on that ship working for me? Kes: Is something wrong? The Doctor: Yes. Terribly wrong. Your brain is not on file. Harry Kim: That'll tear the ship apart. Chakotay: Then tear her apart! Tuvok: I am curious. Have the Q always had had an absence of manners, or is it the result of some natural evolutionary process that comes with omnipotence? Captain Janeway: Doctor, I forgot about you. The Doctor: How flattering. Tom Paris: When a bomb starts talking about itself in the third person, I get nervous. Tom Paris: I think I'm in trouble. Harry Kim: What's new? Tom Paris: I think I'm in love. Harry Kim: What's new? Tom Paris: If you hear muffled screams, consider that a request for a beam out. Kes: On my home-world it's much simpler. You choose a mate for life. There's no distrust, no envy, no betrayal. The Doctor: Your world must have very dry literature. Chakotay: [loudly] You've made this one lousy day for me Torres. Dr. Zimmerman: The last beautiful woman who walked in here turned out to be him. The Doctor: I'll take that as a compliment. [the captain of a Federation time-travel ship is arrested] Lieutenant Ducane: I'm arresting you for crimes... you're going to commit. [a dying Borg drone speaks to Seven, who is visibly distressed] Seven of Nine: You are hurting me. One: You will adapt. The Doctor: I'm a Doctor, not a counterinsurgent. Seska: I won't play these games with the trick of light. The Doctor: Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you can imagine how I feel about being called names. [during the birth of B'Elanna's baby] The Doctor: Will you relax? B'Elanna Torres: If you tell me to relax one more time, I'm going to rip your holographic head off! The Doctor: I hope you don't intend to kiss your baby with that mouth. [During the birth of B'Elanna's baby] The Doctor: Klingon deliveries can sometimes take days... [B'Elanna grabs him and screams] The Doctor: But I'm sure that won't be the case here. [Last line of the series] Captain Janeway: Set a course for home. Tom Paris: I can't believe the Captain is allowing this. One minute you're in a coma, the next you're a born-again Klingon? I just don't get it. B'Elanna Torres: I'm not sure I get it, either. I just know this is something I have to do. Tom Paris: There must be an easier way for you to explore your spirituality. Go to church, or something? B'Elanna Torres: It wouldn't be enough. Tom Paris: Look, I'll read the scrolls, I'll learn Klingon. We'll figure this out together. B'Elanna Torres: Next time. Tom Paris: I just hope there is a next time. B'Elanna Torres: There will be. B'Elanna Torres: [last lines in "Barge of the Dead"] Mother? Oh god, I'm alive! [throws her arms around Janeway] Captain Janeway: [hugs B'Elanna] Welcome back. Tom Paris: Well, Harry and I wanted to explore the station. We wanted to broaden our understanding of alien cultures and... Captain Janeway: Skip the recruiting speech, you were looking for a bar. [In reference to the Qomar] Tuvok: They are interfering with normal ship business. Captain Janeway: Since when has business on this ship ever been normal? Seven of Nine: Fun will now commence. Tom Paris: The only Klingon I'm afraid of is my wife after she's worked a double shift. Captain Janeway: Dismissed. That's a Starfleet expression for "get out". Harry Kim: [commenting on Paris' fighting technique] You punch like a Ferengi. Captain Janeway: I won't be your prisoner. You'll have to kill me. VoyagerComputer: Acknowledged. [Janeway is holding a dog Q gave to her] Female Q: What are you doing with that dog? [Q and Janeway turn to the dog] Female Q: I'm not talking about the puppy. [20th century clothes] Captain Janeway: What will we need to pass as locals in this century? Tom Paris: Simple. Nice clothes, fast car, and LOTS of money. Harry Kim: When I think about everything we've been through together, maybe it's not the destination that matters, maybe it's the journey, and if that journey takes a little longer, so we can do something we all believe in, I can't think of any place I'd rather be or any people I'd rather be with. Tom Paris: To the journey. Chakotay: Hear here. [convinced he's dying] Tom Paris: Here lies Thomas Eugene Paris, beloved mutant. The Doctor: You're too stubborn to die, Mr. Paris. Tuvok: Vulcans do not smile. Tuvok: Vulcans do not dance. Seven of Nine: Your appeal to my humanity is pointless. [to Seska about lying] The Doctor: I was inspired by the presence of a Master. [Dr. Zimmerman talking to his EMH] Dr. Zimmerman: Reginald was right about you. You have exceeded the sum of your program. You've accomplished far more than I could have ever predicted. But let's face facts, you never overcame the inherent flaws in your personality subroutine. You're arrogant. Irritable. A JERK, as Counsellor Troi would say. The Doctor: I believe she was describing you as well. Dr. Zimmerman: Don't change the subject. The Doctor: Seven of Nine, how's my favorite Borg today? Seven of Nine: Annoyed. The Doctor: The Borg: party-poopers of the galaxy. Seven of Nine: You are individuals. You are small and you think in small terms. Seven of Nine: Take me back to my own kind! Captain Janeway: You ARE with your own kind - humans. Seven of Nine: I don't remember being human. I don't know what it is to be human! Seven of Nine: [to Janeway] Your attempts to assimilate this drone will fail. You can alter our physiology but you cannot change our nature. We will betray you. We are Borg. Leonardo da Vinci hologram: There are times, Catarina, when I find myself transfixed by a shadow on the wall, or the splashing of water on a stone. I stare at it, the hours pass. The world around me drops away, replaced by worlds being created and destroyed by my imagination. [Talking about the hologram she has become interested in] Captain Janeway: You know the story. Girl meets boy, girl changes boy's subroutines. The Doctor: [to Seven about Icheb] I must prove to him that persistence is futile. B'Elanna Torres: The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park. [When attacked by a fleet of small ships] Captain Kathryn Janeway: It's like being pecked to death by ducks. The Borg: You have entered grid 9-2 of subjunction 12. Proceed. The Doctor: You should know I'm a hologram and can't be bent, spindled, or mutilated, so don't bother trying. Seven of Nine: [examining the clothing the Doctor chose for her] I am unfamilliar with how to wear such a garment. [goes to un-do her zipper] Seven of Nine: Assist me. The Doctor: [backing away slowly] I think you'll manage... Tuvok: [after repelling a creature from Voyager's hull] It appears we have lost our sex appeal, Captain. Chakotay: ...If Neelix has another Talent Night I hope you'll reprise it. Captain Janeway: Oh no, not until certain other people take their turn, the ship's first officer, for instance. Chakotay: Me, get up in front of people and perform? I don't think so. Captain Janeway: Come on, Chakotay. There must be some talent you have that people would enjoy. Maybe I could stand with an apple on my head and you could phaser it off. Chakotay: Sounds great. If I miss I get to be captain. [the Doctor sees the bridge for the first time] The Doctor: Well... it's bigger than I thought. [Neelix is throwing assorted cooking implements at an invading Kazon soldier] Neelix: I hope that crushed your skull, Kazon pus-hog! Tom Paris: But a hologram is just a projection of light held in a magnetic containment field, there's no real matter involved. [the holographic doctor slaps Tom] Borg Queen: They've left behind their trivial selfish lives and been reborn with a greater purpose. We've delivered them from chaos into order. Seven of Nine: Comforting words. Use them next time instead of "resistance is futile". You may elicit a few volunteers. Harry Kim: Didn't we already pass a tri-nary system like this? Chakotay: Not that I remember, why? Harry Kim: It just seems familiar. Tuvok: Perhaps you are experiencing a paradoxical state dependant associative phenomenon. Harry Kim: [puzzled look] Captain Janeway: D閖 vu! The Doctor: You're a woman, Seven. Seven of Nine: Is that an observation or a diagnosis? The Doctor: Small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion. Seven of Nine: Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all. Seven of Nine: Two hours, thirty seven minutes, thirteen seconds. Tuvok: [puzzled look] Seven of Nine: That's how long we've gone without verbal communication. Tuvok: Why is that remarkable? Seven of Nine: The doctor encourages me to engage in conversation during awkward silences. Tuvok: Did you find the silence awkward? Seven of Nine: No. Tuvok: Nor did I. Seven of Nine: I understand the concept of humor. It may not be apparent but I am often amused by human behavior. The Doctor: You heard the man. Run along. I'll reattach any severed limbs, just don't misplace them. Neelix: Kaplagh! The Doctor: Tallyho. [Outake from the episode "Worst Case Scenario"] Tom Paris: It's Paris and Janeway! Chakotay: How do you know? [to Neelix] Q: You! Bar rodent! B'Elanna Torres: You know what they say: a doctor who treats himself has a p'TaH for a patient. [Tuvok is setting a trap, using Tom Paris as bait] Tom Paris: Hey, Tuvok, I know it's a little late to ask, but you're sure you've got the logic of this thing worked out? Tuvok: If I am incorrect, we will know it shortly. Tom Paris: Ah, that makes me feel a whole lot better. The Doctor: Choose the word that would best describe your pain: burning, throbbing, piercing, pinching, biting, stinging, shooting. Kes: You've never been sick or in pain. I just wish once in your life you could know what it's like, how it makes you feel vulnerable, and little, and frail. Then you'd understand. The Doctor: I don't have a life. I have a program. The Doctor: I programmed myself with the symptoms of a 29-hour Levodian flu. Thus I will gain the experience that you suggest would be beneficial to the performance of my duties. [sneezes, and grabs a tissue] The Doctor: Holographic tissue paper for the holographic runny nose. Don't offer them to patients. [blows his nose] The Doctor: Hmmm. Interesting sensation, blowing one's nose. It's my first time. Harry Kim: [very mad about Paris changing his holographic date into a cow] Tom! Harry Kim: Don't you have anything better to do? Tom Paris: Oh, boy. She really turned on you. Harry Kim: Ha-ha, very funny. Harry Kim: I could have been trampled. Tom Paris: Relax. Harry the holodeck safeties are on. Harry Kim: All right, all right you've had her fun. Now change her back. Chakotay: [referring to the the sensor scans he just took of that section] I'm detecting two life signs in the aeroponics bay. The sensors must be malfunctioning, they're both reading as Kes. Captain Janeway: [tapping her comm badge after the ship shakes] Janeway to Bridge. Chakotay: We're under attack, Captain. Captain Janeway: I'm on my way. Leonardo da Vinci hologram: Earthquakes... and idiots. Leonardo da Vinci hologram: Florence be damned. B'Elanna Torres: Get some rest, Harry. Harry Kim: You may think you're tougher than everybody else, B'Elanna Torres, but I can go without sleep just as long as you can. B'Elanna Torres: Don't make me laugh, Starfleet. And don't make me pull rank on you, either. Captain Janeway: Mr Kim, can you give me an estimate on repairing the dilithium matrix? Harry Kim: How does 72 hours sound? Captain Janeway: Like 24 hours too long. [Paris wants to use a shuttle for a dangerous rescue mission] Chakotay: You don't mind if the rest of us give you a little help, do you, Paris? I'd hate to lose another shuttle. Tom Paris: Your concern for my welfare is heart-warming. Neelix: I will not rest until I see you smile. Tuvok: Then you will not rest. Neelix: I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Vulcan Rumarie? Tuvok: The Rumarie is an ancient pagan festival. Neelix: Full of barely-clothed Vulcan men and women, covered in slippery Rillan grease, chasing one another. Tuvok: That has not been observed for a millennium. Neelix: Well, it's time to bring it back! B'Elanna Torres: [over the com] Lieutenant Tuvok, report to engineering. Tuvok: Acknowledged. [walks away] Neelix: [shouting after Tuvok] I've been thinking of a Rumarie theme for the mess hall next week. Lots of high-fat, greasy foods, and if people want to take off their clothes and chase one another... Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt morale around here. The Doctor: All of us have violent instincts. We have evolved from predators. Well, not me, of course. I've been programmed by you predators. The Doctor: [to Tuvok] You're on your way back to being normal. Although I'm not sure how the word "normal" applies to a species that suppresses all their emotions. Neelix: Why don't we sing a song while we toil, hm? It'll cheer you up. Now, I've been studying Vulcan music. Do you know that lovely tune that starts "Oh starless night of boundless black... Tuvok: That "lovely tune" is a traditional funeral dirge. Neelix: I know. But it was the, er... the most cheerful song I could find in the Vulcan database. Icheb: [looking at his tricorder readings after B'lanna becomes disoriented] I'm detecting another lifesign. Seven of Nine: [looking around engineering] Where? Icheb: Inside Lieutenant Torres, it might be a parasite. Seven of Nine: [tapping her comm badge to contact the doctor] Seven of Nine to the doctor, I will be accompanying Lieutenant Torres to sickbay. The Doctor: What's wrong? Seven of Nine: I believe she's pregnant. Tom Paris: OK, everybody! Place your bets! [holds out black top hat] Seamus Driscol: Three bob on Liam! [puts money in top hat] Tom Paris: Three bob it is. The Doctor: Five shillings on Liam. [puts money in top hat] Tom Paris: Awww, you'll hurt Harry's feelings. The Doctor: Oh, very well. [takes money from top hat] The Doctor: Two shillings on Mr Kim and I'll pray for a miracle. Female Q: Well, there is one possibility, but somehow I don't think this rickety barge and its half-witted crewmembers is up to the challenge. Tuvok: May I remind you, madam, that this "rickety barge" and its "half-witted" crew are your only hope at the moment. Seven of Nine: "Impossible" is a word that humans use far too often. Female Q: Don't try to understand it; it's far beyond your limited ability to comprehend. B'Elanna Torres: I have really had it with this superiority complex of yours. Female Q: It's not a complex, dear. It's a fact. B'Elanna Torres: Get the cheese to Sickbay. Harry Kim: Holographic Americans are invading deck 7!