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After a string of bad luck with their undercover operations, a duo of narcotics cops realizes that there must be a mole in their department,...更多>

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Det. Barzak: [Chasing a gunman through the streets] Freeze! Police! FREEZE! I don't know why I tell 'em to freeze - they never freeze. [Gunman gets hit by cab; goes thru windshield] Det. Hazeltine: He shoulda froze. Det. Barzak: Well, it's not like we didn't tell him, man. Bobby Sweet: [the 2 cops are leading him to an abandoned construction site] Hey, what is this, man? Det. Barzak: Riding around with you all night kinda stunk up our car, pal. Det. Hazeltine: We need a little fresh air. Someplace quiet. Det. Barzak: Yeah, someplace you can scream. Bobby Sweet: Oh, that's funny! Det. Barzak: [All 3 are climbing the stairs of an empty building under construction] Some people told us you like to talk when you get high. Are we high enough yet, Bobby? Bobby Sweet: I don't know. I swear, I don't know. Det. Hazeltine: Ah, he'll never make a good lawyer, Nick. He can't lie for shit. Come on - MOVE IT! You can go back down. All you have to do is tell us who killed Charles Boudreaux. Det. Barzak: All that shit you been mainlining fucked up your leg muscles, didn't it? COME ON! [They reach the highest accessible floor & approach the edge] Det. Barzak: Aw, man, Bobby. You can see EVERYTHING from up here, man. You can even see the ground from up here. Check this out: come here, man. [Shoves Bobby towards the edge of the floor] Bobby Sweet: Wait... Wait... Don't push. Okay! OKAY, OKAY! Det. Barzak: Whaddaya think of that shit, huh? Bobby Sweet: [Looking down through the open structure] Oh, my God! Jesus Christ! Oh, God! Det. Barzak: I wouldn't have figured you to be the religious type, Bobby. Det. Hazeltine: It must be because we're so close to God up here. Det. Barzak: What the fuck is that shit? Det. Hazeltine: Yogurt, yeast paste, lecithin; all the things you ought to be eating. Want some? Det. Barzak: No way, man. I'm on a low-mucous diet - you know that. Det. Hazeltine: Yeah. Det. Barzak: I been thinking, Frank. Det. Hazeltine: It's DeCosta again, isnt' it? Det. Barzak: No, Frank. It's not about DeCosta again. I think we ought to go after the guys that hit Boudreaux. I figure they're local. Det. Hazeltine: Yeah, how do you figure that? Det. Barzak: 'Cause they're workin' for DeCosta. Det. Hazeltine: There's that name again... Det. Barzak: Look, Frank: they made us look REAL bad. The entire squad thinks we're screw-ups. Det. Hazeltine: So now, you wanna screw up real big and remove all doubt. Right? Det. Barzak: No, I don't wanna do that. I'm just an agile guy, Frank. I can get my foot it my mouth; I can even work with my nose to the grindstone. But my ass doesn't fit under a desk - neither does yours. Det. Hazeltine: No! No! No! Casey: [Three loud knocks are heard on an apartment door. The apartment walls are stacked with electronics boxes] Who is it? Det. Barzak: [Muffled voice heard through locked door] What's happening, man? Some brothers downtown said you got VCRs for sale. Casey: Get outta here, man! You got the wrong house! I'm a lawyer! Det. Barzak: I got cash, motherfucker! I need twenty of 'em! Casey: Whoooooo! [Casey begins to unlock the door, realizes who it is, tries to re-lock it, and Nick breaks it down] Casey: Hey. I was just on the toilet thinking 'bout yall, man. Ain't life a bitch? Det. Barzak: [singing Gimme Some Lovin by the Spencer Davis Group, badly, while playing a guitar in the zoo] We're so glad you made it - we're so glad you made it. Gimme some lovin'; GIMME SOME A-LOVIN'! [an elephant trumpets] Casey: You could make animals sick with that shit. You should cool out. [Climbs onto a bike to leave] Det. Hazeltine: Hey, how about that, man. You got any more room on that bicycle? Det. Barzak: Hey, hey, hey! I been working on this a LONG time, man. Coroner: [Coroner is leading a group of cops through the morgue to a drawer] Visitors, Mendez. Rise & shine! Det. Hazeltine: [Obviously nauseated] I hate morgues. Lt. Kaminski: Yeah, that's him. Joseph Mendez, professional hit-man, worked free-lance. Det. Barzak: Didn't like women or kids, either. This guy was a bad-ass. Coroner: Really, because, I mean; he hasn't given me a bit of trouble. [Slaps the corpse gently on the cheek as if to antagonize him] Det. Hazeltine: Yeah, well... I guess we'd better be going. Coroner: [Noticing Frank's nausea] Really, I was in the middle of ordering lunch before you guys came up here, uuh... [Grabs up a phone & pretends to be ordering] Coroner: Hi, yeah, uuh... Make it a pastrami & a small Sprite. You sure I can't interest you guys in anything? Det. Barzak: No, thanks anyway, man. Capt. Ferris: Goddammit. Det. Barzak: Old MacDonald had a shotgun. Lt. Kaminski: Shut up. Det. Barzak: [Nick has talked his way into his old house, where his ex-wife still lives] Where's my walleye? Teresa Barzak: What? Det. Barzak: [Pointing to an empty shelf] My walleye? Teresa Barzak: I... threw it back. Det. Barzak: You threw out my walleye? That was the biggest walleye caught in Bay Lake, Minnesota. That was a record! Teresa Barzak: Then why didn't you take it to YOUR place. Det. Barzak: 'Cause I'm not settled in yet. Teresa Barzak: Oh, geez, Nick. It's only been TWO YEARS! Det. Barzak: Yeah, well: I'm slow to adjust to psychological upheaval. Det. Barzak: [Malcolm is walking through a cemetery stealing flowers, then places them in front of an urn & begins to pray as he opens the urn] Ashes to ashes; dust to dust, huh man? Det. Barzak: Aww, man... You guys ain't got no respect for the dead. Det. Hazeltine: All right, come on out of there, Malcolm. Det. Barzak: [Nick begins pulling bags of white powder from the urn, and tasting them] What do we got here? A little blow? A LOTTA blow. Hey, this is that black tar, isn't it? Malcolm: Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about getting into the roofing business. Det. Barzak: [Nick opens a larger bag of yellowish powder & tastes it] What's this? This shit - what is it? Malcolm: Actually, that's my mother. Det. Barzak: [Spits the ashes back into the bag] Det. Barzak: You know, I cannot figure out why it is every time I talk to that woman I say the wrong thing. Why is that? Det. Hazeltine: You always shoot your mouth off before your brain is loaded. That's why. Det. Hazeltine: So DeCosta represents your father, and you scarf all of this junk food to fulfill an oral longing for your mother's breasts, which incidentally are 70% fat. Det. Barzak: Oh, that's great, Frank. First, you ruin food for me; now you gotta ruin tits. Det. Barzak: [Nick & Frank have hung Bobby upside-down from a tall building to scare him into telling them who killed a witness] See, it increase blood flow to the brain, Bobby. How's your memory? Bobby Sweet: Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up. Det. Hazeltine: Technically, you'll be throwing DOWN, Bobby. Bobby Sweet: Oh, God, please. Oh, God. Det. Barzak: God's got an alibi, chief. Try somebody else. Boudreau: I killed a LOTTA guys with a shotgun. I always wondered what it felt like... It SUCKS! [Dies] Lt. Kaminski: Are you guys getting close to something? Det. Hazeltine: Yeah: DEATH. Mrs. Barzak: Now, I get to see that sweet face! I'm gonna give you a 'niner'. Mrs. Barzak: [She kisses him on the cheek nine times in quick succession] Ooh, that was fun. Det. Barzak: Yeah. [Wipes face] Det. Barzak: Frank sends his love. Mrs. Barzak: He's a sweetheart. I bet he saves your life. Det. Barzak: Not that often.

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Number One with a Bullet

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