[MacGyver is waving a large, black plastic spider at Pete Thornton] MacGyver: Pete, you have no taste. [MacGyver's answering machine message] MacGyver: Hi, this is MacGyver. We all know how these things work, so when you hear the beep, go for it. [repeated line] Murdoc: [before he allegedly dies, shouts] MacGyver! Pete: Mac, whatever you do... MacGyver: I know, I know, Pete, stay out of trouble, keep the expenses down and don't get killed. Pete: Took the words right out of my mouth. Jack: Well, MacGyver, you saved my hide again. I guess that makes us even. MacGyver: Even? Jack: Okay. So you owe me one yet. Thanks. Who's counting? You know, being dead made me realize something. MacGyver: Jack, you were only in the coffin for half an hour. Jack: It's not the quantity of time, so much as the quality. Anyway, like I was saying, it made me realize something. Life is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when it's yours. So from now on, I'm putting myself to good use. An honest day's pay for an honest day's work. MacGyver: Glad to hear it... Where are you going? This isn't the way to my Jeep. Jack: I could have sworn I told you. I just got one quick job to do. MacGyver: An honest day's work for an honest day's pay? Jack: You got it. Quick stop by the pier. Look for a man with a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. He's supposed to have something for me. MacGyver: [alarmed] Jack. Jack: [laughing] It's a joke, MacGyver. It's a joke. MacGyver: A paperclip can be a wondrous thing. More times than I can remember, one of these has gotten me out of a tight spot. MacGyver: Bold and nosy. I'm famous for that. MacGyver: I'm not gonna take it in the back, and I'm not gonna take it laying down, so you're just gonna have to shoot me face to face. I can't believe I said that... MacGyver: If I had some duct tape, I could fix that. [Murdoc is pretending to be MacGyver] Murdoc: I could fix this if I just had some duct tape. Pete: Yeah, sure. You come up with the brains and I provide the paychecks. MacGyver: Brace yourself. This could be fun. Pete: Jack, having you as a friend is a little bit like owning a pet disease. MacGyver: You can do anything you want to do, if you put your mind to it. Pete: His name is MacGyver. He can fix anything. He could fix a computer with a hairpin and a piece of duct tape. [repeated line] [grumbling to himself under his breath] MacGyver: Ah, man. Pete: Are you okay? MacGyver: No. But I'll live. MacGyver: Trouble just never lets up, does it? Pete: Remember what I said about being friends? That still goes. Friends stand by each other, through everything. I'm your friend. MacGyver: Old Minnesota wisdom - if you don't wanna be touched, look downright untouchable. MacGyver: Well, when it comes down to me against a situation, I don't like the situation to win. MacGyver: You guys are missing out on a good deal if you kill me. See, I'm kind of an expert with just about everything. Pete: Boy, don't you ever dust this place? MacGyver: Twice a year, like clockwork. MacGyver: For the past seven years I have done nothing but travel around the world getting shot up, locked up, blown up... and all I have to show for it are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape. Pete: [Pete and Mac have been kidnapped by a "woman"] That lady is a top-level, world-class assassin named Murdoc. Pete: I know that look - I've never been able to figure out how your mind works, but I know when it works. MacGyver: Egg whites are good for a lot of things - lemon meringue pie, angel food cake, and clogging up radiators. MacGyver: Sometimes I just hate it when I'm right. Pete: Don't thank me. I was born a warm and wonderful human being. [at watchmaker's; MacGyver is behind the counter, when a young boy enters] Young Boy: Hi, I would like to buy a watch, please. MacGyver: Well, you came to the right place. [repeated line] MacGyver: What uh-oh? MacGyver: When James Bond gets an assignment, he probably ends up on the Riviera, up to his 007's in bikinis. Me? I end up 80 miles past nowhere.