老师不是人 (1998) 5.9

Delilah: Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver? Coach Willis: You're not much into sports. Casey: I don't think that a person should run unless he's being chased. Coach Willis: "Being chased." I like that. Casey: Everyone's been acting really weird, especially the faculty. Stokely: Tell me about it, it's like they've all turned into fucking pod people or something. Casey: Into what people? Stokely: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Small town gets taken over by aliens... That was a joke. Stan: Aliens have taken over the fucking school! Casey: You're not buying this, are you? Stokely: No, I'm not... but it's kinda cool. Casey: God, you can be such a... Delilah: What? Casey: Pretty cool human being when you're not being a first class grade A bitch. Delilah: Are you hitting on me Casey? Casey: No. No, I just think that you can be cool. Sometimes. This not being one of them. Stokely: I used to think the only alien in this high school was me. Zeke: What are we going to do? Stan: I could call my dad, he'd know what to do. Casey: If he's really your dad. Stokely: Body Snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It's located in the fiction section of the library. Casey: Yeah, so is Schindler's List. Zeke: This where I get my equipment. Marybeth: You borrow it from science labs? Zeke: I like to think of it as stealing actually. Delilah: Then leave Stan. Why are you hanging around? Go and pulitzer. Stan: Oh blow me Delilah, 'cause I'm sick of your shit. Delilah: Go and get the fuck out of here and take your little freak-dyke with you. Stokely: Fuck you titbags. Stan<

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/b>: Come on guys, this is nuts. Delilah: Then leave, Stan. Why are you hanging around? Go win a Pulitzer. Stan: Blow me, Delilah, 'cause I'm sick of you're shit. Delilah: Well, then get the fuck out of here and take your little freak dyke with you. Stokely: Fuck you, tit bags! Casey: Will everybody calm down, please? Stokely: You know, Casey, I think you've been racked into the flagpole one too many times. Marybeth: What happens at the end of all those stories? How does Invasion of the Body Snatchers end? Stokely: They get us. They win. We lose. Marybeth: Maybe we really win, I mean Stan didn't look unhappy. Stokely: That's because that wasn't Stan, they took away who he was. Marybeth: Maybe they just bettered who he was. Cleared away his confusion. I know you pride yourself on being the outsider, but aren't you tired of pretending to be something you're not? I know I am. Stokely: Is this usually the point where someone says let's get the fuck outta here? Stan: Let's get the fuck outta here. Stokely: So they've just been setting us up over the years with their E.T.'s and their Men In Black movies, just so no one would believe it if it ever happened. Casey: I think so. Casey: It must really blow being you. Stan: You have no idea. Stokely: Bi-polar bitch. [Stokely kisses Stan] Stokely: I just didn't want to never have done that. Zeke: Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked? Marybeth: Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I'm gettin' kinda used to it myself. Zeke: Not today, Miss Burke. It's too damn hot and I got zero fucking tolerance. Miss Burke: Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt. Zeke: What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother? Miss Burke: And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe, Sri Lanka, Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG! You dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being. Zeke: Whoa, woman. What are you on? Miss Burke: Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy. And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation. [exits] Zeke: She got some bad shit! Zeke: Not today, Miss Burke. It's too damn hot, and I got zero fucking tolerance. Miss Burke: Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt! Zeke: [sarcastic] What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother? Miss Burke: And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being! Zeke: Whoa... woman. What are you on? Miss Burke: Woman? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation! [exits] Zeke: [to himself] Whoa! That lady took some bad shit! Zeke: Guaranteed to jack you up. [about Delilah] Zeke: Is she always this much fun? Stan: Sometimes she can be a real bitch. Zeke: Casey, the only alien in this school, is you. Zeke: Casey, the only alien in this school is you, man. Casey: Fuck you, Zeke. Marybeth: I'm new here. Stokely: No shit. Zeke: That's called a gun, man. Marybeth: You know in my world Casey there were limitless oceans as far as the eye could see. Beautiful huh? Till it started to dry out. So I escaped, came here, and I met you, all of you, and all of you were different from the others. You were lost and lonely, just like me. And I thought that maybe I could give you a taste of my world. A world without anger, without fear, without attitude. Where the underachiever goes home at night to parents that care. The jock can be smart, the ugly duckling beautiful, and the class wuss doesn't have to live in terror. The new girl - well - the new girl she can just fit right in with anybody. People who are just like her. You see Casey, even Mary-Beth's feelings can be hurt by a bunch of pathetic, lost, little outcasts who truly believe that their disaffected lonely life is the only way they can survive. I can make you a part of something so special Casey, so perfect, so fearless... Don't you want that, Casey? Casey: I'd rather be afraid! Marybeth: Fine. Have it your way! 'Cause this is where your land of fiction is always right: we win. End of story! Zeke: Stan, take it. Stan: No way, you're takin' it! Casey: [Laughing and obviously high] You're takin' it! [Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey] Stan: What the hell is wrong with him? Zeke:

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He's tweaking you asshole! Let him fucking tweak!

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Casey: Tweak! Tweak! Stokely: [seeing Marybeth turn into a huge alien] No... fucking... way! Miss Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property. [Zeke sits down on his car] Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property. Miss Burke: Well I've been getting complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake? Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya. Miss Burke: You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that. Zeke: Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives. Miss Burke: You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year. Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me. Miss Burke: That's so rude. Zeke: No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain! [Zeke gives two students fake ID cards] F'%# Up #1: Dude, that's not me. Doesn't even look like me F'%# Up #2: It's 50 bucks right? F'%# Up #1: Does that look like me? F'%# Up#2: Uh, its the new you. F'%# Up #1: I don't know man. How do we even know these things are gonna work? Zeke: Trust me man, I'm brilliant. F'%# Up #1: Then why are you repeating your senior year? Zeke: Yeah, my parents are dead too. Marybeth: Really? Zeke: Well, they are still *breathing*, but for all intents and purposes they might as well be dead. Stokely: I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose - it's so 80's! Zeke: Aliens are taking over the earth. Weigh it! Casey: If you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House 'Independence Day' style, or sneak in through the back door? Marybeth: I'm pretty alien myself today. [after stabbing the school principal with a pencil] Coach Willis: I always wanted to do that. [Stan wants to quit football to study] Delilah: You're not good at studying Stan, you're good at football. You should stick with what you're good at. Stan: