Ivy: C'mon, Baker. Men live in hope and die in despair. Ivy: Extra, Extra. Read all about it. Kim can shake her pom-poms but she won't go at it! Extraaa. Extraaa. Ivy: Slut? Oh, oh, no. If I wanna bag a professor from one of my classes, I will, but nobody, and I mean nobody, calls me a slut, so the next time you feel like casting aspersions on my character, try remembering that this quote unquote slut is driving your judgmental ass all the way to Des Moines. So a little decency would be in order. Got it? Good. Ivy: You know it's funny I thought you had a girlfriend. Wyatt: Me? No... well yeah, but I was just killing time. Ivy: Killing time? Wyatt: Yeah, killing time until I met you. Ivy: Boy, never thought I'd fall for a line like that. Wyatt: I'll have some celery... some toast... and some water... just some water. Wyatt: Is that a sign or what? Ivy: It's not Jesus walking on water. I'll give it a nine. Snake: It's a fact, College girls have three times more sexual partners than a regular girl. Raditch: I don't want to tell you 'I told you so', but, I told you so! Ivy: I'm sorry, were you sleeping? Wyatt: Did my closed eyes and peaceful demeanor tip you off? Ivy: You know, as bad as a situation ever gets, there's always time to get dressed. Ivy: Why don't you draw some more attention to the stolen vehicle by dancing on it? Turran: Given you don't have the bribe money or shipping number, the only way we can cancel your package is by the computer. [deletes the file] Turran: Oops. How's that for a reality check? [in Ivy's nightmare] Kimberly: Give me a T, give me an R, give me an I-P-S. What does it spell? Trips! Ivy, if you touch him I will tear you to bits! Ivy: Try this! Kim you snotty little pig I was delighted to learn of your infidelity your puritanical attitudes towards sex were just childish and insecure. Wyatt: Ooh insecure give me something about her weight. She's one of those five, eight hundred pound girls that always gonna say "I'm fat I'm fat" Ivy:
Ok! My stomach turned the last time we made out & your gut flapped against me, those cellulite packed cactuses you call thighs with the razor sharp stubble called to mind a fifth rate porno actress that I once jerked off to during the tenure of our sorry marriage of convenient. Now I can finally tell all my friends how nauseating you are to mate with. Rot in Hell! Trips.
Kimberly: Cellulite packed cactuses I call thighs? I AM NOT FAT!... WYATT! Ivy: You're friend doesn't look so good! Wyatt: No? Well how the hell am I supposed to look? My girlfriend is cheating on me with a guy named "The Ricker". Wyatt: Dear God, I promise i'll never send anything overnight delivery again. Wyatt: You are... Ivy: ...Adorable? Wyatt: An asshole. Ivy: ...An adorable asshole? Wyatt: Just a little good-for-nothing stripper! Ivy: Screw you! Wyatt: SC-REWWW YOU! Wyatt: You are an incubus. A hell-spawned incubus. Ivy: Only a male can be an incubus, if anything, I'm a sucubus. Wyatt: Yeah, you got the "suck" part right. Wyatt: I'm gonna be late to the airport. Ivy: I'll drive you! Wyatt: Really? Ivy: Yeah, I do have a heart, occasionally. Wyatt: Do you have a car? Ivy: [sarcastic] No, I have a rickshaw! Wyatt: [Global Express truck pull up] How about that? Ivy: Its no Jesus walking on water, I give it a six. Wyatt: That's a nine! Ivy: [their delivery man gets out] Okay, 8.5 Ivy: Have a snowpuff smart guy.