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Paul Rudd
演员
饰Wyatt Trips
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Christine Taylor
演员
饰Kimberly Jasn...
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Reese Witherspoon
演员
饰Ivy Miller
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Sarah Silverman
演员
饰Turran
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Ivy:
C'mon, Baker. Men live in hope and die in despair.
Ivy:
Extra, Extra. Read all about it. Kim can shake her pom-poms but she won't go at it! Extraaa. Extraaa.
Ivy:
Slut? Oh, oh, no. If I wanna bag a professor from one of my classes, I will, but nobody, and I mean nobody, calls me a slut, so the next time you feel like casting aspersions on my character, try remembering that this quote unquote slut is driving your judgmental ass all the way to Des Moines. So a little decency would be in order. Got it? Good.
Ivy:
You know it's funny I thought you had a girlfriend.
Wyatt:
Me? No... well yeah, but I was just killing time.
Ivy:
Killing time?
Wyatt:
Yeah, killing time until I met you.
Ivy:
Boy, never thought I'd fall for a line like that.
Wyatt:
I'll have some celery... some toast... and some water... just some water.
Wyatt:
Is that a sign or what?
Ivy:
It's not Jesus walking on water. I'll give it a nine.
Snake:
It's a fact, College girls have three times more sexual partners than a regular girl.
Raditch:
I don't want to tell you 'I told you so', but, I told you so!
Ivy:
I'm sorry, were you sleeping?
Wyatt:
Did my closed eyes and peaceful demeanor tip you off?
Ivy:
You know, as bad as a situation ever gets, there's always time to get dressed.
Ivy:
Why don't you draw some more attention to the stolen vehicle by dancing on it?
Turran:
Given you don't have the bribe money or shipping number, the only way we can cancel your package is by the computer.
[deletes the file]
Turran:
Oops. How's that for a reality check?
[in Ivy's nightmare]
Kimberly:
Give me a T, give me an R, give me an I-P-S. What does it spell? Trips! Ivy, if you touch him I will tear you to bits!
Ivy:
Try this! Kim you snotty little pig I was delighted to learn of your infidelity your puritanical attitudes towards sex were just childish and insecure.
Wyatt:
Ooh insecure give me something about her weight. She's one of those five, eight hundred pound girls that always gonna say "I'm fat I'm fat"
Ivy:
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17f
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Ok! My stomach turned the last time we made out & your gut flapped against me, those cellulite packed cactuses you call thighs with the razor sharp stubble called to mind a fifth rate porno actress that I once jerked off to during the tenure of our sorry marriage of convenient. Now I can finally tell all my friends how nauseating you are to mate with. Rot in Hell! Trips.
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f70
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Kimberly:
Cellulite packed cactuses I call thighs? I AM NOT FAT!... WYATT!
Ivy:
You're friend doesn't look so good!
Wyatt:
No? Well how the hell am I supposed to look? My girlfriend is cheating on me with a guy named "The Ricker".
Wyatt:
Dear God, I promise i'll never send anything overnight delivery again.
Wyatt:
You are...
Ivy:
...Adorable?
Wyatt:
An asshole.
Ivy:
...An adorable asshole?
Wyatt:
Just a little good-for-nothing stripper!
Ivy:
Screw you!
Wyatt:
SC-REWWW YOU!
Wyatt:
You are an incubus. A hell-spawned incubus.
Ivy:
Only a male can be an incubus, if anything, I'm a sucubus.
Wyatt:
Yeah, you got the "suck" part right.
Wyatt:
I'm gonna be late to the airport.
Ivy:
I'll drive you!
Wyatt:
Really?
Ivy:
Yeah, I do have a heart, occasionally.
Wyatt:
Do you have a car?
Ivy:
[sarcastic] No, I have a rickshaw!
Wyatt:
[Global Express truck pull up] How about that?
Ivy:
Its no Jesus walking on water, I give it a six.
Wyatt:
That's a nine!
Ivy:
[their delivery man gets out] Okay, 5
Ivy:
Have a snowpuff smart guy.
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