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Hope Springs:
It's not her fault she has to wear a falsie.
Sid Fiddler:
What do you mean, "a" falsie?
Hope Springs:
She's got one bigger than the other.
Sid Fiddler:
Is that right?
Hope Springs:
No, left.
Augusta Prodworthy:
And since I am strongly of the opinion that we are already providing more than enough entertainment for visitors, I wish to propose the motion that the provision of more would be detrimental to the good name of the borough.
Sid Fiddler:
Knickers!
Mayor Frederick Bumble:
Please, Councillor! I should strike that from the minutes, Miss Drew.
Miss Drew:
Ah, I beg your pardon, your worship?
Mayor Frederick Bumble:
Don't take down 'knickers'.
Sid Fiddler:
Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it, love?
Mayor Frederick Bumble:
Councillor Fiddler, I really must request you moderate your language while in committee.
Augusta Prodworthy:
I second that.
Sid Fiddler:
I do beg the Committee's pardon, your worship. But all this bleedin' codswollop about mucking up the good name of the borough gets on my wick!
Miss Drew:
Should I...?
Mayor Frederick Bumble:
No, no!
Connie Philpotts:
Hello, Mrs. Dukes, I thought you were going to the cinema.
Mrs. Dukes:
I did, but I had to leave. A young man sat next to me and started to make improper suggestions.
Connie Philpotts:
Again? Really, you should complain to the manager.
Mrs. Dukes:
I can't - he's after me too, you see!
Connie Philpotts:
Well, Mrs. Dukes, perhaps you shouldn't make yourself look quite so attractive.
Mrs. Dukes:
Oh it's not that, I can't help it. I give out waves, you know.
Connie Philpotts:
Really?
Mrs. Dukes:
Yes, my late husband used to call it OOMPH!
Connie Philpotts:
You and a bunch of beauty queens? It's like asking Dracula to be in charge of a blood bank!
Sid Fiddler:
Now, now, wait a minute, that's not true. You know I don't go for beautiful women: I like you.
Connie Philpotts:
That does it! Go on! You lecherous so-and-so, go on, GET OUT!
Miss Dawn Brakes:
Excuse me, is this the train to the beauty contest?
Peter Potter:
Yes, that's right.
Miss Dawn Brakes:
Oh good.
[to Paula]
Miss Dawn Brakes:
Are you coming?
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2c
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Paula Perkins
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fe8
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:
Certainly not!
[Miss Dawn Brakes looks Paula Perkins up and down]
Miss Dawn Brakes:
Perhaps you're right.
[Looking into the carriage; to Peter]
Miss Dawn Brakes:
Are you in this one?
Peter Potter:
That's right, I am.
Miss Dawn Brakes:
I'll join you then.
Paula Perkins:
[Suspiciously] You didn't tell me anything about a beauty contest!
Peter Potter:
I think I'd better go!
Ida Downs:
What do you want us to wear?
Sid Fiddler:
Oh, anything that brings out your best... points Miss...?
Ida Downs:
Downs, Ida Downs.
Sid Fiddler:
Ah, I bet you come from Beds.
Ida Downs:
No - Bristol.
Sid Fiddler:
I should have guessed.
Ida Downs:
I've got a rather smashing two-piece swimsuit.
Sid Fiddler:
Great - just wear one piece of that!
Ida Downs:
Will they publish pictures like that?
Larry:
Not in my paper!
Ida Downs:
Oh! You're a dirty old man!
Admiral:
[to Connie] Mrs. Philpotts, I wish to complain. This young woman molested me.
Ida Downs:
Well, I like that!
Admiral:
Whether you like it or not, my dear, is quite immaterial.
Sid Fiddler:
[to Ida] Yes, all right, darling, I'll sort it out.
Admiral:
Cheeky little thing! I'd like to put her across my knee.
Connie Philpotts:
I'm sure you would, Admiral!
Miss Bangor:
Excuse me, are you going to Fircombe?
Peter Potter:
This train's going there, yes.
Sid Fiddler:
Connie, have you got a room for this young lady please?
Connie Philpotts:
Well, of course, Sidney!
[Handing over the key]
Connie Philpotts:
I think you'll find this an ideal one.
Sid Fiddler:
Thank you, Connie. Hey, just a minute, that's for the broom cupboard.
Connie Philpotts:
That's right: where we keep all the scrubbers!
Sid Fiddler:
[to a furious Hope] All right, all right, keep your hair on!
[Hands her another key]
Sid Fiddler:
Here, go and change in mine. I'll sort it out later.
Hope Springs:
Ta. I heard that - does she fancy you or something?
Sid Fiddler:
You know how it is, a widow with a place like this, things get on top of her.
Hope Springs:
Yeah, I bet they do. Frequently!
Augusta Prodworthy:
Is that you, Rosemary?
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27
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Rosemary
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f13
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:
Yes.
Augusta Prodworthy:
[In reference to the morning newspaper with a picture of Mayor Bumble on the front with his trousers down] Have you seen this?
Augusta Prodworthy:
Yes - bloody disgrace! Still, what can you expect from a man?
[at the railway station, Susan asks Peter where the train is going in a flirtatious manner]
Susan Brooks:
Are we all right for Fircombe?
Peter Potter:
[eyes glued on Susan] I'm sure you are!
Paula Perkins:
I'm beginning to see why you don't want me down there.
Connie Philpotts:
It's your girls I'm talking about, I've heard them all night long, doors banging ...
Sid Fiddler:
Blimey, when you've got young dollies around you have to expect a bit of banging.
Connie Philpotts:
Well, I expect you to get them into bed at a reasonable hour.
Sid Fiddler:
I promise you, I'll do my very best!
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