Drake Parker:
What happened to you?
Josh Nichols:
Football happened to me. I got pummeled, slugged, and I'm pretty sure someone bit my ankle.
Drake Parker:
Well, I'm sorry you didn't make the team.
Josh Nichols:
Oh, no, I made the team.
[holds up a jersey]
Josh Nichols:
You are looking at Belleview High's brand-new E-QUIPMENT MANA-GER!
[Drake stares at Josh, incredulous]
Josh Nichols:
E-QUIPMENT MANA-GER!
[Drake and Josh are tending to a child star]
Drake Parker:
I never thought evil had a name, but it's Ashley Blake.
[Josh is trying to learn how to play football by playng a video game]
Josh Nichols:
Left! No, right! Pass! Not the sack! Not the sack!
Video game:
Uh! The sack!
[Josh, trying to look cool, leans against a freshly painted wall]
Drake Parker:
Uh, Josh?
[Josh looks at his back, which has white paint all over it]
Josh Nichols:
How about PAINTING ON THE WEEKENDS?
Drake Parker:
I really like music.
Josh Nichols:
I really like cheese.
Drake Parker:
If I had to live on an island and only take 1,000 things with me, I'd take this stereo, these headphones, and 997 CD's. And a girl.
Josh Nichols:
You might think all cheese is the same, but there are different kinds. You got your American, Gouda, Feta...
Drake Parker:
There's all sorts of kinds of music. Pop, Hip-hop, Jazz...
Josh Nichols:
And my personal favorite...
Drake Parker:
And my favorite, Rock 'n' Roll.
Josh Nichols:
...Cheddar
Drake Parker:
Josh doesn't like music as much as I do.
Josh Nichols:
Drake doesn't care for cheese as much as I do.
Drake Parker, Josh Nichols:
[in unison] Oh, well. His loss.
Drake Parker:
Ahh, Music.
Josh Nichols:
Ahh, Cheese.
Josh Nichols:
[dangling from the roof] I deserve this. This is all because I forgot to feed my pet turtle, Sheldon in kindergarten. He went to heaven, and now my life is bad.
[shouts]
Josh Nichols:
You happy, Sheldon? We're even now!
Mr. Nichols:
[offscreen] Josh?
Josh Nichols:
Sheldon?
Josh Nichols:
THE BABY'S ON THE ROOOOOOOFF!
Drake Parker:
You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.
Drake Parker:
[after Josh accuses him of ruining the brownies he made for the football team] Oh yeah, Josh, I live to sabotage baked goods!
Josh Nichols:
I gave good advice! And I'm wearing pants!
Drake Parker:
Praise be the pants!
Mrs. Hafer:
Drake, what's your favorite novel from the 20th century?
Drake Parker:
Uh... Catcher in the Rye.
Mrs. Hafer:
Wrong.
Drake Parker:
Let's see, the grills are about 40 bucks, right? So if we make 20%, that's...
[tracing in mid-air]
Drake Parker:
Eighty dollars a grill!
Josh Nichols:
No, move your decimal.
Drake Parker:
Oh, right.
[traces in the air again]
Drake Parker:
$8,000 a grill!
Josh Nichols:
[cutting him off] Eight dollars a grill!
Josh Nichols:
[about the two tough, scary-looking biker thugs he hired to scare Drake] Drake, meet Chip and Ronnie. My old camp counselors.
[laughs]
Drake Parker:
[pause] Where did you go to camp?
Josh Nichols:
Do you sell guitars?
Guitar World Salesman:
[sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World?
[repeated line]
Drake Parker, Josh Nichols:
Megan!
Josh Nichols:
[about Megan] Such big evil in such a little girl.
Mr. Nichols:
[needing a last minute birthday gift for Audrey] Uh, get her some toothpaste. She's always using toothpaste!
Josh Nichols:
Dad, there's two-hundred dollars here.
Mr. Nichols:
Well, get her some mouthwash, too! I'M JUST A MAN!
Drake Parker:
You're the best evil sister ever.
Josh Nichols:
You know the closet in the hall.
Drake Parker:
The hall closet.
Josh Nichols:
Yah, I stuffed it full of underwear so when she opens it, she'll get burried up to her evil little head in dirty underwear.
Drake Parker:
Eww, yours?
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:
Dads...
Drake Parker:
Ewer.
Josh Nichols:
Pinch me!
Drake Parker:
I'm not pinching any part of you.
Helen:
You!
Josh Nichols:
Me?
Helen:
Thats your name, id'nit?
Josh Nichols:
Mom and Dad are gonna kill us!
Drake Parker:
No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
Josh Nichols:
I'm trying to study!
Drake Parker:
Why?
Drake Parker:
I love s'mores!
Josh Nichols:
Who doesn't?
Drake Parker:
I don't know, s'more haters?
Josh Nichols:
Good point.
Drake Parker:
What are you smiling about?
Josh Nichols:
The great Drake, grounded, for two weeks. I love it!
Drake Parker:
Yeah? Me too.
Josh Nichols:
Eh?
Drake Parker:
2 weeks, layin' in bed, no school, playin' a little guitar, watching a little TV, you bringing me pizza's. Yeah, bein' grounded is baad.
Mrs. Parker:
Did you happen to drink any coffee when you were there?
Drake Parker:
No, not much, six cups, whyda ask?
Josh Nichols:
I don't know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty.
Drake Parker:
Well, take a bath when you get home.
Josh Nichols:
[talking about Ashley Blake] So then I got her gummy bears, but she doesn't like the green kind so Ihad to take those out then she suggested i do some push ups!
Drake Parker:
That's ridiculous...
Josh Nichols:
I know!
Drake Parker:
...who doesn't like green gummy bears?
[Josh just glares at Drake]
Drake Parker:
[talking to Josh about his crush] Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... just do good.
Drake Parker:
[talking about the Gary Colman grills] I'm telling you, we didn't steal the grills.
FBI Agent:
It was reported that two Caucasian males stole the grills from a factory truck.
Drake Parker:
See! We're not Caucasian, we're white guys!
[Josh leans over and whispers to Drake what Caucasian means]
Josh Nichols:
Oh, I lost my sightless, loopy boss!
Josh Nichols:
[talking about how Drake needs to break up with his girlfriend] All you need to do is act un-youish.
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:
I'm not Jewish.
Josh Nichols:
No! Un-Drakeish
Josh Nichols:
[Gary Coleman takes all Drake and Josh's new stuff because they spent all his money] Wait, can we at least keep the chair?
Gary Coleman:
Did you sit in it?
Josh Nichols:
Yeah.
Gary Coleman:
Keep it!
Josh Nichols:
[whispers to Drake] At least he forgot about the hockey table!
Gary Coleman:
[talking to the mover] And I want the hockey table...
Josh Nichols:
Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test!
Drake Parker:
[playing a driving video game] I am!
Josh Nichols:
Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons.
Drake Parker:
Do you know that for sure?
Josh Nichols:
[Josh is trying to study while Drake is playing a loud video game] Drake, the volume!
Drake Parker:
Oh, right.
[Drake gets the remote and turns it louder]
Drake Parker:
[after he has lost money to Megan at Darts] Hey - you just hustled me!
Megan Parker:
No, I didn't. I just pretended to be bad, so you'd bet money and then I'd win!
Drake Parker:
That's hustling!
Megan Parker:
There's a name for it?
[takes the money from Drake]
Megan Parker:
Cool...
Josh Nichols:
[to Yooka] I got you a gift.
Yooka:
What is it?
[opens bag]
Yooka:
Oh! It's a glockma!
Drake Parker:
No, that's a goat.
Josh Nichols:
Glockma means goat.
Yooka:
Yes, the goat is the national symbol of Youdonia. Very sacred in my country.
Drake Parker:
[after seeing spattered tomato on the bedroom wall] Who exploded?
Josh Nichols:
I'm sorry, but we have a serious gas leak in here!
Fat Guy:
Oh, sorry. I think that was me.
Josh Nichols:
Drake?
Drake Parker:
Yeah?
Josh Nichols:
You just met her and you're already kissing?
Drake Parker:
I gave her a soda.
Drake Parker:
Man, Helen, this place must have cost you like, a billion dollars.
Josh Nichols:
Yeah, how do you afford all this?
Helen:
Is that some of your business?
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:
How do you afford it?
Helen:
Well, I'll tell you, Drake...
Scottie:
[after the band got arrested for having fake tickets to a concert] I'm telling you, the tickets aren't fake!
Drake Parker:
Are you sure?
Scottie:
Yeah, I mean I photocopied them myself!
Rina:
Scottie, you can't photocopy tickets!
Scottie:
Yes, you can. You just put the tickets on the glass and close the lid thingy. Any moron can do it!
Drake Parker:
No, Scottie, not just any moron. It takes a special moron, like you!
Grammy:
Drake, be a dear and take my stuff upstairs. And while you're at it, unpack my stuff. And make sure you put my thongs in order by color!
Josh Nichols:
[with accent] I kissed your wife.
Josh Nichols:
I hope you go bald!
Drake Parker:
I hope they cancel Oprah!
Josh Nichols:
Take that back!
Josh Nichols:
[taking smores out of oven] Hello, smores!
Josh Nichols:
Ahh! Hello Pain!
Josh Nichols:
[he sticks his arm in pitcher of milk]
Drake Parker:
[staring at Josh] Uhh... Josh, they usually put the prize in the cereal, not the milk.
Drake Parker:
Helen, can I have a job?
Helen:
Sure, just start tomorrow!
Josh Nichols:
Uh, oh. The cops. Oh, sweet, sweet karma!
Drake Parker:
Do I get to wear that purdy apron?
Megan Parker:
[slapping Josh on butt] I want my Peruvian puff peppers!
Mr. Nichols:
Sure Josh knows basketball, I taught him myself.
Mr. Nichols:
[shows off with basketball]
Mr. Nichols:
[throws ball at Drake] Think fast!
[ball misses and hits a lamp]
Drake Parker:
Lamps don't think that fast.
Megan Parker:
Why is Josh screaming? Have the eggs hatched?
[repeated line]
Josh Nichols:
And now I'm alone...
Trevor:
[referring to the dune buggy] Man, the motor sounds great.
Drake Parker:
Yeah. You know where it would sound even better?
Trevor:
In the shower.
Drake Parker:
On the road.
Trevor:
Better!
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:
[phone rings] Hello? Trevor, hey, where are you?
Josh Nichols:
Who is it?
Drake Parker:
Scotty's brother.
Josh Nichols:
Where is he?
Drake Parker:
You're lost?
Josh Nichols:
Lost?
Drake Parker:
Okay, okay, well me where you are right now? Well, look around and tell me what you see.
[sighs]
Drake Parker:
Mm-hmm.
[rolls his eyes]
Drake Parker:
Mm-hmm.
[opens the door]
Trevor:
...and I see some bushes, and a tree and a dog. A boy dog. And I see you.
Drake Parker:
You're here.
[repeated line]
Josh Nichols:
Oh, jeez...
Drake Parker:
You're kind of a girl, right?
Mindy Crenshaw:
Well, if I'm not, then I've been buying the wrong underwear!
Security Gaurd:
[Drake and Josh are fighting with a guy in a mouse costume at the Demonator. The Gaurd picks them both up, and walks to Megan] You know these two?
Megan Parker:
Never seen them before in my life.
Drake Parker:
You calling me a lair?
Josh Nichols:
Well, I ain't callin' you a truth-er!
Drake Parker:
I'm not really her husband, we're just... married...
Drake Parker:
Look who's gonna be at this after-party. Ashton Kutcher, Brad Pitt, Ethan LaRoche...
Josh Nichols:
Who's Ethan LaRoche?
Drake Parker:
I don't know, but he's gonna be there!
[later]
Josh Nichols:
Hey, Drake! I just got an autograph from Ethan LaRoche!
Drake Parker:
Who's that?
Josh Nichols:
I don't know!
Mrs. Parker:
[Drake and Josh are being "arrested," Megan begins to cry] Oh, sweetie... are you crying?
Megan Parker:
[wipes her eyes] I've just never been so happy.复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
