DRAWN TOGETHER (eight episodes) - This is the true story of eight characters, picked to live in a house to find out what happens when people...更多>
[repeated line] Xandir: I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend! Xandir: Dare I say it? I, Xandir, am on a never ending quest to save my boyfriend! [to Xandir] Snagglepuss: Heavens to mergatroid! You look fabulous, even! Elmer Fudd: What a weally gweat behind. [about Xandir being gay] Xandir: There's no reason Mrs. Pac-Man should know about this. Pac-Man: [puts on a bow] Oh, I think she already knows. Spanky Ham: Oh, this is too good. She thinks you're a servant... CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK! Vietnamese kid: Please Honorable Spanky-san. We are losing our jobs and we can't eat or live. Spanky Ham: Yeah? Well, me no care-y! Toot Braunstein: [trying to get Xandir's attention with her head in a guillotine] I swear to God I'll cut my fucking head off! [Xandir ignores her, Toot slices off her head and flashes him while Spanky takes a dump in her skull] Toot Braunstein: Sometimes I cut myself to relieve the pain Xandir: Good bye cruel world! [dies and comes back] Xandir: Good bye cruel world! [dies and comes back] Xandir: Good bye cruel world... this could take a while Xandir: [about to cry] Strong Xandir, strong Xandir. Toot Braunstein: [to Xandir] Can't you kill yourself more quietly like Bizarro Captain Hero? [a body hanging from a tree blows in the breeze] Captain Hero: Uh... yeah. Killed himself. Xandir: Good-bye cruel world! Toot Braunstein: Damn it, Xander, that noise! You're keeping us all awake. Can't you kill yourself more quietly, like Bizzaro Captain Hero did? [camera pans to Bizzaro Captain Hero, who is hanging dead from the ceiling] Captain Hero: Uh, yeah, right. Killed himself, tragic! Genie: [to Xander] Say, why don't you come into my lamp? And I do mean that as a double entendre! Spanky Ham: They're gonna cut off my health insurance? I'll be more diseased than Dumpy the Medical Waste Man! Foxxy Love: Homo say what? Foxxy Love: That was one crazy Yom Kippur. Bizzaro Captain Hero: Oh, hello, hello Captain Hero! I not see you since initiation into league of heroes. Captain Hero: Zip it! What happens in Bizzaro World, *stays* in Bizzaro World! Bizzaro Captain Hero: Well, technically bathroom at bus station not considered Bizzaro World. Captain Hero: [speaking to the other house guests] Oh, come on! If you're in a bus station and they sell postcards for Bizzaro World, you have to assume you're in Bizzaro World, right? I mean, am I crazy? Spanky Ham: What you need is some good old-fashioned positive reinforcement. You can do this. [starts whipping Ling-Ling] Spanky Ham: I respect you because you're you! There's two I's in Ling Ling! Ling-Ling: Say my name bitch! Ling-Ling: Ling-Ling is no pet! Ling-Ling here to kill, and to give children seizures! Spanky Ham: [laughing] Oh My God! she thinks your our servant, cause your black! Haa Haa, this is the best day of my miserable life, SWEEET! I love racism! Ling-Ling: I use your skull for sex, and a decorative bird house. Ling-Ling: That'll do pig. That'll do. Spanky Ham: Nothin reminds me of my first time like a chick crying! Captain Hero: Hey, pig! Great news! Wooldoor Sockbat: Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol! Captain Hero: Are you defecating into a cantalope? Spanky Ham: [farts] Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze. Captain Hero: I could stick and stir anyone of these broads, but I really wish we had one of those sexy black chicks Foxxy Love: [Opens Door] Bling bling! Foxxy Love is in the house! Captain Hero: Damn, I am good! I wish we had a twelve-year-old girl and a donkey! [camera shifts from the door to Captain Hero several times; nothing happens] Captain Hero: Damn. Toot Braunstein: If I can't be the sex symbol, then I'll just be THE BITCH! Princess Clara: Why should I apologize? It's not like I made her black. [Spanky and Clara are neck deep in a ball pit and are discussing her bigoted views] Princess Clara:
I don't see why I should apologize. I mean, where I come from all my servants are black... or Presbyterian.
Spanky Ham: Yea, but honey, where you come from animated objects spring to life and spout silly catchphrases. Blue Ball: [springs to life] Whach'u talkin' 'bout, pig? Princess Clara: No, he's right, Blue Ball. Maybe I should just apologize. Blue Ball: Usually, Clara looks to us for advice, but this time it came from Spanky. It's a good thing too, because I was going tell her to shoot the President. Xandir: Why is it whenever something isn't working, your first impulse is to eat it? Xandir: [Flashback - Toot is eating the TV] TOOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Toot Braunstein: I couldn't find the Remote. Foxxy Love: [the housemates have to vote on whether or not to keep Foxxy] You know this vote is total crap. She was totally into it! You saw us tongue-bang it! Captain Hero: Sorry Foxxy, but if I vote you out now, I'll be one step closer to the million dollars! Foxxy Love: Million dollars? You know this ain't one of them kinda shows right? Ain't no prizes! Captain Hero: [aside in the confessional] Ah, silly Foxxy. She'll never win the million dollars with *that* kind of attitude! Princess Clara: Oh f*ck me. Ling-Ling: [upon encountering a three headed acid spitting needle monster] Ling Ling pray for battle since Ling Ling first enter house! L. Ron Hubbard has finally answered! Spanky Ham: I don't remember ordering a pizza... [opens a box with his turd in it] Spanky Ham: with sausage! Ling-Ling's Father: [looks around the confessional room] Huh? What is this place? Toot Braunstein: Blah, blah, blah! I'm Captain Hero and I can fly! And I... Captain Hero: Do you mind, Fudgy? I'm on the phone! Toot Braunstein: I don't care! I got to call my AA sponsor! Captain Hero: [in a girlish voice] I said I'm on the phone! Xandir: [while holding Ling-Ling] Hey, Ling-Ling, are you excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up and nods] Xandir: Too bad there's no such thing as a Santa Claus! I bet your disappointed. [Xandir licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Toot] Toot Braunstein: Ling-Ling, what's this in your ear? Is it a quarter? [Ling-Ling perks up] Toot Braunstein: No, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to a sickly-looking Wooldor] Wooldoor Sockbat: Hey, Ling-Ling, you, uh... excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up]