Wally:
Wow. I never knew that little people could be so sexy
Alice:
That's disgusting. I can sue you both for making this a hostile work environment
Dilbert:
Ten minutes ago you beat a man senseless.
Alice:
He was senseless before I beat him.
Dogbert:
I'll bet you twenty bucks that giving doesn't feel good.
Dilbert:
You're on my cynical friend.
Dogbert:
To settle the bet, give me forty dollars and see if it feels good.
Dilbert:
That would NOT feel good.
Dogbert:
Then give me twenty dollars because you lost the bet.
Dilbert:
Did I just make a bet where I would lose twenty dollars either way?
Pointy-Haired Boss:
And remember, money is no object... unless you intend to spend it.
Dogbert:
They say only the good die young. If that works both ways, I'm immortal.
Dilbert:
You said you'd wake me up at eight.
Dogbert:
I also said women are attracted to men shaped like potatoes.
Pointy-Haired Boss:
They say no man faces death wishing he'd spent more time at the office... I guess that makes me the first.
Dilmom:
Standard Scrabble rules apply: no kicking, biting or slapping. No projectiles of any kind.
Dilbert:
Name calling?
Dilmom:
Only on your own turn.
[In a traffic jam]
Dilbert:
Why are we all forced to go to work at the same time? Who arbitrarily decided that 8 AM was a good time for everyone to go to work?
[clipping his toenails over a desk drawer that's filled with nail clippings]
Pointy-Haired Boss:
Uh-oh, it's almost full. I need a new desk.
Dilbert:
Ratbert, where's Dogbert?
Ratbert:
He's off somewhere installing a puppet government.
Dilbert:
He's always off somewhere installing a puppet government.
[the Garbage Man uses reanimation liquid to bring Ben Franklin back to life]
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Garbage Man:
It says it removes carpet stains too, but I have my doubts.
Bob Bastard:
Would anyone like to join me in a toast to failure?
Dilbert:
What makes you qualified to be a reporter?
Dogbert:
I'm willing to to violate anyone's privacy for my personal gain and then claim with a straight face that the public has a right to know.
Dilbert:
Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.
Dogbert:
Oh, it's nothing you wouldn't've done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.
Dilbert:
That's it. I think I've done it.
Dogbert:
That's not the word on the street.
Dilbert:
What do you think an egg dream means?
Dogbert:
Hmm, probably an omen.
Dilbert:
A good omen?
Dogbert:
How many good omens involve things that come out of a chicken's butt?
Dilbert:
There only has to be one.
Wally:
Looks like somebody's not working.
Dilbert:
This fantasy has been a profound disappointment.
Panelist on talk show:
I have a poison-dart gun, you won't know what hit you.
Alice:
I've got images in my brain I'll never get out.
Asok:
Shouldn't we be working?
Dogbert:
That's outrageous. Idiots shouldn't have money.
Dilmom:
Woo. Woo. Yes. In your face, mathboy.
Loud Howard:
That doesn't look like the next generation of computing to me.
Pointy-Haired Boss:
I don't see anything that could stand in our way.
Dilbert:
Sanity? Reality? The laws of physics?
Seven of Nine alarm clock:
(beep) Get out of bed. Resistance is futile. Wake up and assimilate the day.
Pointy-Haired Boss:
Everybody down, he's becoming disgruntled.
Wally:
Well that has 'alibi' written all over it.
Dilbert:
Well I'll be.
Garbageman:
Actually, you already are.
Pointy-Haired Boss:
Wally, I'll need to review the RFP for the BGA project before the IOC meeting.
Wally:
Carpe diem, Dilbert.
Dilbert:
'Seize the day.'
Wally:
What?
Dilbert:
Carpe diem.
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:
I think that's a fish.
Alice:
Man, she must've blown some smoke up your butt. Did she use a giant fan or just some kind of hose?
Dilbert:
Must one person's triumph be another's humiliation?
Alice:
Of course.
Dilbert:
There's nothing wrong with my verbal skills. It only seems that way because my math skills are so high.
Alice:
You made this happen. You made me think of Dilbert and sex at the same time.
Pointy-Haired Boss:
Save the technical mumbo-jumbo. I just want to know if it'll work.
Wally:
Who died and made you the Dalai Lama?
Alice:
I think I speak for all women capable of reproduction when I say... no.
Dilbert:
Do you ever get tired of watching bad things happen to people?
Dogbert:
That's crazy talk.
Dogbert:
Remember, the first rule of brainstorming is to openly mock the opinions of others.
Voicemail system:
(phone beeps) You have 937 messages. . .all of which are marked "urgent".
Elbonian Slavedriver:
Get to work, you lazy corpse!
Bear on talk show:
Does anybody care that I'm a bear?
Asok:
You can use my key to open the box with its teeth.
Dilbert:
To open this box I'll need something stronger than a key.
Asok:
I once killed a cougar with this key.
[pause]
Asok:
It was a really small cougar.
[pause]
Asok:
It might have been a potato.
Pointy-Haired Boss:
Dillbert! Are you listening?
Dilbert:
Of course I am. I've learned how to multi-task.
Loud Howard:
But men can't multi-task. Only women can multi-task.
Dilbert:
What's wrong with me?
Dogbert:
I was going to wait until the second trimester to tell you but you're pregnant with the sperm of a cow, an Amishman
Dilmom:
A hilbilly, and a Martian.
Dilbert:
[after witnessing Elbonian workers falling into an acid vat] Shouldn't there be a guard rail around that?
Elbonian Slavedriver:
[laughing] That's a good one.
[Dilbert is in the shower]
Dogbert:
You had to ride your bike with training wheels until you were seventeen.
Dilbert:
I was fourteen!
[Shower's temperature changes to 14 degrees]
Dogbert:
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What was that one movie called? "Something Something: A Space Odyssey?"
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Dilbert:
It wasn't called "Something Something: A Space Odyssey," it was called "2001: A Space AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
[cut to exterior of house, as Dilbert's shower rises to 2001 degrees]
Seven of Nine alarm clock:
[as Dilbert reaches over to hit the snooze button] Don't touch me!
Dilbert:
Then how do I turn you off?
Seven of Nine alarm clock:
I am PLENTY turned off right now!
Dilbert:
Clock tease.复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
