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Andy French:
Drinking shows a real commitment to becoming a cooler person.
Kevin French:
Can you buy something here for me? I want to have something to drink at the party.
Andy French:
Sure.
[Kevin grabs a bottle]
Andy French:
That's hair gel.
[grabs another]
Andy French:
That's shampoo.
[grabs another]
Andy French:
That's mouthwash.
[Andy is eating cereal]
Kevin French:
How can I think with that awful racket blaring from your mouth? It sounds like a gorilla eating a log cabin!
Kevin French:
I hope you're not like this during the parent/teacher interviews.
Andy French:
Hello! Andy French. Couldn't care less about your future.
Kevin French:
Mom and Dad said you have to do everything that they do.
Andy French:
You don't live with Mom and Dad any more. I paid the electricity bill and I don't get a present.
[lights begin to flicker on and off]
Kevin French:
Mom and Dad would like to talk to you.
Andy French:
Hi, Mom!
Mrs. French:
Andy. What's this I hear about you emotionally abusing Kevin?
Andy French:
Mom! I can't go changing my life just because Kevin is here. I have plans.
Kevin French:
Mom! Andy's sitting on the couch drinking with Jim.
Jim Kuback:
Hi, Mrs. F.
Kevin French:
[while drinking] History is full of great homos. Oscar Wilde was a homo. Alexander the Great was a homo. You know who else is a great homo? You are, you big homo!
Gus:
[Grabs Kevin's collar] That is a mean and hurtful term. Please stop using it, or I will be forced to clobber you.
Andy French:
And don't think we forgot about you, Stogie!
[dumps contents of can with Cyrillic writing into food dish]
Kevin French:
Andy, are you sure this is dog food?
Andy French:
Well, it has a picture of a dog on it.
[Stogie sniffs food and backs away, whimpering]
Kevin French:
Andy, you did it. You won back your self-respect.
Andy French:
Which will last until tomorrow morning when I'm begging Ron for my job back.
[Andy and Kevin are having dinner with Kevin's "girlfriend," Eunice "Weirdie" Eulmeyer"]
Andy French:
Pass me the beans, Weirdie.
Kevin French:
What did you say?
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Andy French
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:
[stammering] Uh... I meant "Where de beans at, Weirdie? ...uh, beans at, Weirdie? ...beans at, Weirdie? ...beans at, Weirdie? ...beans at, Weirdie?" Help me...
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