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- 片 名哈啦神父High上天
- 上映时间1999年06月04日(西班牙)
- 导 演
崔·帕克
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Maxxx Orbison:
Yeah, I just dig that Jesus guy!
Joe Young:
They want me to do a sequel.
Lisa:
A sequel, to "Death of a Salesman"? Doesn't he die at the end of the first?
Joe Young:
Yes, but he has a twin brother, and he wants revenge.
Lisa:
Revenge? But, doesn't he kill himself?
Joe Young:
No, no, that's what you were led to believe. He was killed by the C.I.A for selling smack... to Nazis...
Lisa:
Wow!
[Dave recounts a painful memory of why he quit Hamster Style kung fu]
Young Ben:
Dad?
Ben's Father:
Hmm?
Young Ben:
I don't think I'm gonna do Hamster Style anymore.
Ben's Father:
That's nice.
[Flashback pans back to the present]
Ben Chapelski:
[tearfully] And that's how it went down, man!
Mariachi Band:
Mi Verga es chiquita y muy fea... y todo el mundo lo sabe...
Ben Chapelski:
Let's see how you like my... COCK ROCKET!
Ben Chapelski:
Jesus!
Joe Young:
Where?
Lisa:
I hope you're happy in the life you've chosen.
Joe Young:
Don't quote Dickens in my apartment!
Maxxx Orbison:
Put your tongue in her mouth, for Christ's sake!
Joe Young:
How would Christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone's mouth?
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Everybody say, "Geddy Lee!"
Joe Young:
Who's Geddy Lee?
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Geddy Lee, best bass player EVER, come on!
Everybody:
Geddy Lee!
[Dave snaps photo]
Dave the Lighting Guy:
I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass!
Joe Young:
Thanks.
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?
Joe Young:
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24
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Oh yeah, the greek mythology.
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ffb
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Dave the Lighting Guy:
Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!
Joe Young:
I'm not a superhero! I'm a Latter-Day Saint.
Joe Young:
I am a bad, bad Mormon!
Ben Chapelski:
To the Orgazmobile!
Joe Young:
What?
Ben Chapelski:
My Buick Century!
Maxxx Orbison:
Bring me my stunt cock.
[Joe is introduced to the young actresses he'll be co-starring with]
Joe Young:
Oh... I, I can't say that.
Maxxx Orbison:
Say what?
Joe Young:
What are they called?
Maxxx Orbison:
The Assfuck Twins.
Joe Young:
I can't say that. Can we call them something else?
Maxxx Orbison:
But they're the Assfuck Twins.
Joe Young:
Well I know, but um, couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?
Maxxx Orbison:
No, you *couldn't* just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?
Joe Young:
Well, that's pretty naughty.
Maxxx Orbison:
What's your name, again?
Sancho:
I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison:
Look, I get a lot of people auditioning all the time. What makes you think that you'd be good enough for porno?
Sancho:
I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison:
Great... but what do you do?
Sancho:
What do I do? I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison:
And...?
Sancho:
And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison:
And...?
Sancho:
Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I...
Maxxx Orbison:
You... are Sancho!
Sancho:
That's right.
Maxxx Orbison:
Okay, you're hired.
Joe Young:
Ben, use your hamster style!
Lisa:
[to Maxxx] You pig, you're responsible for degrading all of those women.
Clark:
Equally degradable in pornographic films.
Lisa:
Men are always in a position of power.
Rodgers:
They're the ones who want the product so bad, they're the victims.
Lisa:
Well, it exploits men by exploiting women.
Clark:
Hence, it exploits people.
Maxxx Orbison:
[pissed off] SHUT UP!
Clark:
Yeah.
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Maxxx Orbison
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fdc
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:
I do what i do and i make a lot of money and i don't care what i do to people because they're all idiots.
Clark:
Yeah.
Maxxx Orbison:
Especially you Clark, you pig fucking hunk of shit!.
Clark:
Yeah.
Joe Young:
But if you're such a scientific genius,don't you think Heavenly Father has something more important planned for your life?
Ben Chapelski:
Who?
Joe Young:
You.
Ben Chapelski:
...What?
Maxxx Orbison:
You get me some nice close-ups... and you give me a nice slow zoom, starting with a medium closeup on the cock... and then widening out to an establishing shot.
Camera Man:
Genius.
Maxxx Orbison:
Okay people, let's go! Lights on!
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Lights are on. It's stable, Captain, Woohoo! Let's see some fuckin' action!
Maxxx Orbison:
Dave?
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Yeah?
Maxxx Orbison:
Calm down.
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Right. Sorry.
Georgi:
My doctor says now I have enough silicone in my body to kill a small elephant! Isn't that cool?
Saffi:
Oh, give it to me, you big stud!
Rodgers:
I'm not a stud!
Saffi:
Huh?
Rodgers:
I am not a stud! I'm...
[takes off his mask to reveal Clark]
Clark:
...JIZZ MASTER ZERO!
Interviewer:
What's the difference between Orgazmo and your previous porn titles, like Schindler's Fist?
Maxxx Orbison:
I really think history will describe Orgazmo better than I possibly could.
Dave the Lighting Guy:
That's some hot shit right there!
Joe Young:
We're from The Church of Jesus Christ.
Old Lady:
Oh, the Mormons?
Joe Young:
That's right. I'm elder Young and this is elder White.
Old Lady:
Well, you two boys can just fuck right off.
Joe Young:
Ma'am?
Old Lady:
You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigfuckers.
Joe Young:
Ben, superheroes that pray together stay together.
Ben Chapelski:
Aw, what the fuck!
Doctor:
Your balls have grown to the size of oranges and your cock has shrunk.
Maxxx Orbison:
Tell me something I don't know doc.
Doctor:
I am going to have to cut off your cock.
Maxxx Orbison:
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58
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Ha ha ha! When I get out of here. Orgazmo you'll be facing Neutered Man. Ha ha ha!
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fd6
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G-Fresh:
Those punks from across the street came in the other day and just whupped my sorry black ass!
T-Rex:
You're gonna make me cum, or I'm gonna kick your ass!
T-Rex:
Hi fellas, I'm ready to fuck.
Orgazmo:
Huh?
T-Rex:
You want me on top?
Orgazmo:
Uh... NO! I'll be on top!
T-Rex:
You're gonna make me cum, or I'm gonna kick your butt!
Maxxx Orbison:
Aaaand... action!
[T-Rex throws Orgazmo down and starts dry humping him]
T-Rex:
Oh! Come on nah! Come on nah! You make me so hot nah! You make me so hot!
Dave the Lightning Guy:
[to Joe] I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin', but I'd kinda like to make love to you tonight.
Ben Chapelski:
I tell ya, Joe, there's nothing sadder than a sad Japanese man.
G-Fresh:
You gonna get popped! if you keep ridin' me...
Sancho:
Hey, it's Orgazmo!
Joe Young:
I'm not Orgazmo.
Sancho:
I am Sancho.
[G-Fresh gets hit in the head with a bat several times offscreen. When it shows him again, he only has a bloody lip]
G-Fresh:
Aw, dat hurt so much!
Maxxx Orbison:
Okay, we're sucking, we're sucking...
Dave the Lighting Guy:
Yeah! SUCK THAT COCK!
Saffi:
Who will I be fucking in this scene?
Maxxx Orbison:
Um, you'll be fucking Ben and Rodgers. By the way, this is our new Orgazmo.
Saffi:
Hi. Are we fucking?
Maxxx Orbison:
No, we'll be bringing in a stunt cock.
Saffi:
And I'm NOT doing any ass-licking in this scene!
Maxxx Orbison:
Yes, yes, no ass-licking!
Saffi:
I'm not an ass-licker!
[Walks away]
Maxxx Orbison:
[shaking his head] Give 'em an inch!
White Stunt Cock:
[to the filmmakers] Hey, how ya doin'?
White Stunt Cock:
[to Joe Young] Hey, how ya doin'?
White Stunt Cock:
[to Candi, Saffi, and Ben] Hey, how ya doin'?
[Graphic sex begins offscreen]
[Joe Young has just zapped Maxxx Orbison several times with the Orgazmorator]
Ben Chapelski:
Dude! He's never gonna wanna have another orgasm again!
Joe Young:
One more time for Jesus.
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Ben Chapelski
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:
Whoa! DVDA shot! So, you up for some sushi?
Joe Young:
[praying] If You don't want me to do this, just give me a sign.
[an earthquake tears through Hollywood]
Joe Young:
Any sign at all.
Joe Young:
You see, when the Mormons first arrived, they didn't have any money...
DVDA Porn Actress:
They should've done DVDA.
Joe Young:
DVDA?
DVDA Porn Actress:
Yeah, double-vaginal double-anal. It's the only way a woman of my age will get work in this industry. If you don't think that splits me open like a turkey on Thanksgiving, heh...
Dave the Lighting Guy:
HEY, LADY! We're ready for the DVDA shot!
DVDA Porn Actress:
[smiles] Nice talkin' with ya, kid.
Lisa:
Excuse me, could you tell me what movie this is?
Video Store Clerk:
[laughs] What movie this is? Where have you been, under a rock?
Lisa:
No, I'm from Utah.
Video Store Clerk:
Oh. Sorry.
[G-Fresh's sushi bar has just been wrecked by thugs]
Joe Young:
We should call the police!
Girl at Sushi Bar:
The police? Where are you from, Arizona?
Joe Young:
No, Utah.
Girl at Sushi Bar:
Oh. Sorry.
Dave the Lighting Guy:
My name's Dave.
Sancho:
I am Sancho. Don't mean to sound like queer, but I find fire very romantic.
[a nude mariachi band is playing at Maxxx Orbison's party]
Dave the Lighting Guy:
These guys kind of sound like Depeche Mode!
Rodgers:
I bet you want it, baby!
Saffi:
Oh, yeah, I want it, baby! I am so badly wanting IT!
[DVDA singing "Now You're a Man, Man"]
DVDA:
What makes a man, is it the woman in his hands / Just 'cause she's got big titties / Is it the way he fights every day / Naw, it's probably the titties / Now you're a man, (hey) a man, a man, a man / Now you're a man, man, (hey) a man, a man, a man, /Now you're a man, man, (hey) an M-A-N man, man, man, man / Now you're a man
Lisa:
How could you have sex with all of those women?
Joe Young:
I didn't it was a stunt cock
Lisa:
A stunt cock? So you aren't touching all of those women's breasts?
Joe Young:
Oh no they're all just special effects
Lisa:
really?
Joe Young:
...no
Dave the Lighting Guy:
[as Joe is about to film his first scene] Lights are on and stable captain. WOO-HOO, let's see some fuckin' action!
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