MTV Bash: Carson Daly (2003) 4.3

Jeffrey Ross: It really is an honor for me, hosting a show in front of all of these extremely talented people... and the Hilton sisters. Isn't it ironic that two sluts would be named after a cheap hotel? Jeffrey Ross: What can you really say about Carson Daly that hasn't already been said about that retarded boy that won the lottery? Jeffrey Ross: Carson, you look like Dick Clark and Eddie Munster had a baby. Jeffrey Ross:

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You know you're white bread, Carson, right? You shit croutons.

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Kiki, a stripper: He got his first Vietnamese basket job in that booth over there. Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs: Vietnamese basket job? What's that? [Kiki whispers to Sean] Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs: Oh, shit! That is some freaky shit. How much does one of those cost? [to Carson Daly] Jennifer Love Hewitt: Hi, remember me? Girlfriend #147? Nelly: Carson's a clean slate with a blank head... but you know what? I think we all love him that way. Sarah Silverman: Thanks, Jeff. Nice suit. I can't believe you never get laid. God, he is so Jewish. [to Jennifer Love Hewitt] Sarah Silverman: People say that you're the next Audrey Hepburn. Does that scare you, knowing you're going to die of colon cancer? Sarah Silverman: A lot of famous duos are here tonight... Nicky and Paris Hilton, Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla, Britney Spears' tits. I think they're famous. Sarah Silverman: I swear, this is the best anniversary of my abortion ever. 'Father' Adam Carolla: He's the same little kid I put up on my knee so many years ago. Carson Daly: Thanks, Padre. 'Father' Adam Carolla: That wasn't my knee. Carson Daly: Kid Rock, that's Pamela Anderson. You two should meet. Carson Daly: Andy Dick over there. Andy, you are easily the ugliest woman I have ever seen. Nelly, you're the second ugliest woman I've ever seen. [to Jennifer Love Hewitt] Carson Daly: I will always, for the rest of my life, cherish the wonderful, wonderful moments that we had together... back when you were famous. Carson Daly: Britney and Fred, finally here together tonight... although I'm sure they'll claim this never happened either. Sarah Silverman: Jennifer is what we in the show business call a triple threat. Not only is she an actress, but she's also a dancer and terrible singer.