窈窕淑女队 (1992) 6.2

26

Chester

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: My name is Chester, I'm great, I'm wonderful! Everybody likes me! Redneck: Hey, Chester. My name's Harland, and to me you look like a giant asshole. Chester: Well, if I'm an asshole there's a reason for it. You're contagious! Matthew: No, he's not a stranger. He's just strange. Chester: You've got to change your behavior. Matthew: Oh and what'd I do? Chester: What'd you do? A girl doesn't give the opposing team the finger and tell their coach, "Up yours!" A girl doesn't refer to the referee a blind bastard. A girl doesn't slap another girl on the ass and say, "You're hot stuff!" And a girl doesn't say "I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it!" Chester: Women are a beautiful bed of flowers. [punk girl walks by] Chester: Of course there's a weed here and there. Chester: I dressed her son up like a girl, and invited him to play with me. Chester: Coach Bull huh? I know your full name! Chester: I finally got some respect! Chester: We have a chance. Like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. Chester: Get in the car quick! These heels are killing me! Chester: What is this? A drag race! Chester: What's the point in being the best, if it only brings out your worst? Chester: Well, you know how it is - boys want to be girls, girls want to be boys. Sometimes they're both. [opposing team scores first goal within 15 seconds of whistle] Chester: Wow! The only thing quicker than that is when I'm having sex! Dr. Von Kemp: Remember when you get a job make sure your boss is taller than you. That way it's easier to kiss his ass. Chester: I read a book once, "100 Ways to Make Love." I ended up in traction, it was a misprint! Chester: I'm off to a great stop. [coaching the girls practicing] Chester: Try and control the ball! Forget the ball, try and stay on your feet! Get out of the net, you're not a fish! Pester, you're in a different time zone! Oh beautiful, beautiful! [looks up at the sky] Chester: Why me? Why me? [Chester is helping Matthew adjust his wig in a dressing room while a lady outside eavesdrops] Chester: Just remember, we gotta be careful. I don't want your mother to find out, she'll kill me. Matthew:

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God, I can't believe I'm doing this!

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