I don't remember a time in my whole life when I haven't been close to complete personality disintegration! And how the hell would you know what these people are feeling anyway? From your Mickey Mouse tests?
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Dr. Hayward:
Don't blame the tests for what they tell us.
Albert Brooks:
Oh, I don't blame them. They're great! Why don't we do more, huh? More tests! I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Nolan? Want to get that cup again? Come on, we'll get you lots of cups! Maybe a hundred cups! I'll tell you something about you people - you're great with cups, but what you don't have are balls! And I think if you ask any magician he'll tell you that cups without balls doesn't mean jack shit!
Martin Brand:
[on speakerphone] Albert, may I interrupt for one minute please? People aren't gonna walk out of a theater saying, "I don't like that guy... that guy that holds the cup with one hand, with two hands ... "
Albert Brooks:
Absolutely.
Martin Brand:
I'll tell you what they DO have a good chance of saying: "Where the hell is Paul Newman? Where's Redford? Where's Nicholson?" Believe me they prefer Nicholson with the cup than the cup with the other guy.
Albert Brooks:
[showing off a high-tech camera to be used in filming] Only six of these cameras were ever made. Only five of them ever worked. We have four of those.
Martin Brand:
[after one of Albert's rants] Albert, what the hell are you talking about? Look, let's not argue - say the family's fine, say the family's perfect. Let's talk about YOU for a minute. Look what YOU'VE done. You FAILED - that's what you did, you shmuck, you failed. You started out with this artsy-craftsy reality crap and what did you end up with? The NEWS, the goddamned NEWS! People get that for free! You think somebody's gonna hire a babysitter, take a taxicab, go all the way the hell downtown, walk to the box office, shell out four bucks, and say, "Here, here - here's my four dollars. What time does the news go on?"
Albert Brooks:
Our research was so thorough the computers actually coughed up two perfect families. If I were a liar, I could tell you that we chose one over the other for complicated psychological reasons. But I'm a comedian, not a liar. I can afford the luxury of honesty. The Feltons lived in Wisconsin; the Yeagers lived in Arizona. YOU spend the winter in Wisconsin...
[Albert and the researchers all laugh]
Albert Brooks:
I think we're very much alike. See that's why we can get into these kind of debates. I think you'd be surprised at much alike we really are.
Dr. Ted Cleary:
I'd be more than surprised. I'd be suicidal.复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
