Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station Michael. It's not the Gulf War. Which ironically is like a large petrol station. Alan Partridge: Back of the net! Alan Partridge: Kiss my face! Alan Partridge: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song. [Alan is having sex] Alan Partridge: Do you mind if I talk? It helps me keep the wolf from the door, so to speak. [pause] Alan Partridge: Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre? I'll be honest, I'm dead against it. I mean, people forget that traders need access to [aroused] Alan Partridge: DI-XONS! They do say it'll help people in [aroused] Alan Partridge: WHEEEEELCHAIRS! Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer, Robert Moon. Have you had your breakfast this morning, Robert? Robert Moon: Well, the way things is going, I dunno... Alan Partridge: Can you just answer "yes", for the purposes of a joke? Robert Moon: ...Yes. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a *full* moon! [pause] Alan Partridge: Hello? Robert Moon: I'm still here. Alan Partridge: I was... I was just making a pun on your name. Robert Moon: Oh. Oh, right. Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer. [hangs up] Alan Partridge: Old Robert a bit slow on the uptake there, dunno what he had for breakfast this morning... Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station, Michael. It's not the Gulf War. Which ironically is like a large petrol station.