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Host:
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Jennifer Hudson is here from American Idol, America didn't vote for you and yet you're here with an Oscar Nomination. And Al Gore, America did vote for you.
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Will Farell:
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A comedian at the Oscars, the saddest man of all, your movies may make millions but your name will never be called.
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Steve Carell:
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Sound editing is like sex. It is often done alone, late at night and in a room of electronic gadgets.
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Greg Kinear:
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And if you want it done right you'll pay top dollar for a true professional.
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Host:
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Since the Oscars have decided to go green, I've been told to recycle some of my old jokes.
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Co-Presenter: Oscars Environmental Awareness:
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''
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[repeated line, taking envelope out of coat]
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Co-Presenter: Oscars Environmental Awareness:
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'' And so, my fellow Americans... ''
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[interrupted by swelling music]
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Co-Presenter: Oscars Environmental Awareness:
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''
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Host:
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''
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[after seeing the acrobats shapeshift around her behind the curtain]
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Host:
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'' They're naked!
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Co-Presenter - Best Makeup:
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We may not win tonight, but we shall win the ultimate fight, and I'm not speaking in a metaphor, I mean literally: I AM GOING TO FIGHT THE NOMINEES!
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Will Farell:
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I like the way you talk.
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Co-Presenter - Best Makeup:
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HEY, LEO! You think you can date supermodels and win awards? I'm gonna elbow you in the larynx!
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Will Farell:
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Ryan Gosling... you're all hip and now. Well, I'm gonna break your hip... RIGHT NOW!
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Co-Presenter - Best Makeup:
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Hey Peter O'Toole... you're all legendary and English. I'm gonna beat you to the ground, WITH MY NICKELODEON AWARD!
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Will Farell:
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MARK WAHLBERG! WHERE ARE YOU? I won't mess with you. You're actually kinda badass. Once again, I hope we're cool. You are very talented.
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Co-Presenter - Best Makeup:
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And Helen Mirren? You are just hot. What party are you going to?
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Martin Scorsese:
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[after winning Best Director] Could you double-check the envelope?
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