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Soldier:
I don't believe in God.
Mr. Smith:
I didn't either. I don't think He noticed.
Rachel:
Mr. Smith?
Kurdy:
It's a long story
Mr. Smith:
No it's not. It's a proper name. First name Mister, last name Smith. Not a title. See? Max, seven sentences.
Jeremiah:
Rachel...
Rachel:
*Miss* Rachel.
Kurdy:
See what you started?
Mr. Smith:
Is it my fault I'm a trend setter?
Kurdy:
Can I ask you a question? What got you started on this whole "God talks to me" stuff in the first place?
Mr. Smith:
The first time I heard God speak... was kind of hard to know exactly what happened, because I was kind of dead at the time. I'd just given up, okay? I mean I... It had been a rough life and it wasn't getting any easier, and I just decided enough was enough. So I stood in the middle of this bridge. I said "I'm tired and I'm done, now." And I jumped. The reason I chose that way was because, I can't swim for shit and I wanted to make sure I got the job done right, you know? I remember I was afraid to open my mouth. Finally, I forced it open and let the water into my lungs. The next thing I knew, I was sinking, and it was quiet... muffled... peaceful. It was like I was going to sleep. Then I heard this voice say "Not yet. Not yet. There's work to be done." Then I got mad, and I said "Screw you!" Because I knew who it was. When you're that close to death, you know what that voice is. I said "Screw you! You ran out on us! You let pain and death into the world and now look at us - look at what we've become, what you let happen." The voice said, "I know. I know. I've been away too long, but I'm back now. My voice will be heard. You will be my voice." And the next thing I knew, I was awake on the shore and there were people around saying they saw a wave wash me up and just leave me there - scared the hell out of them.
Kurdy:
Why, they thought you were dead?
Mr. Smith:
No.
Kurdy:
So what's so scary about seeing a wave wash somebody on shore?
Mr. Smith:
[pause] It was a lake.
Kurdy:
[look of disbelief that changes to one of amusement] So, did he say anything else to you that first day?
Mr. Smith:
Yeah. Just two words and I got the impression they were real important. But I still haven't been able to figure out what they mean or what they have to do with anything else.
Kurdy:
Oh, let me guess, "Jesus Saves."
Mr. Smith:
[looks frustrated]
Kurdy:
Alright, I got it:
[chuckles]
Kurdy:
"Happy Birthday."
Mr. Smith:
[ignores him]
Kurdy:
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4d
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Alright Smith, what were the two words God said to you that first day?
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bbc
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Mr. Smith:
"Fractal Theory."
Kurdy:
What the hell is "fractal theory"?
Mr. Smith:
How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm just God's sock puppet, ok? He shoves his hand up my ass and words come out the other end.
[pause]
Mr. Smith:
Who knew math was involved?
[walks away frustrated]
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